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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be upset that he wants space?

65 replies

Flojo1979 · 02/07/2012 09:50

So, I've been seeing someone for 6 months, fallen for him, this wkend he texts 'look flo, I need some headspace, just some time to myself, like no contact for a few days'.
Ok so its just a few days, not the end of the world, right?

OP posts:
BettySuarez · 02/07/2012 13:32

Time will tell whether this is something you need to worry about or not. But respect his need for space and just leave him be for a while. Then wait and see what happens. It must be very worrying though.

thespokennerd your DH sounds lovely Smile

LeQueen · 02/07/2012 13:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lovebunny · 02/07/2012 13:33

while he's on his few day's break, change your phone number, put any of his stuff you might have in a bin bag on his doorstep and get some new friends.

YouOldSlag · 02/07/2012 13:34

LeQueen has it. Do exactly that ^^

badtasteflump · 02/07/2012 13:37

Agree with tiddley and Chandon.

Let him do all the running - at least for the foreseeable future, anyway.

And if it does turn out to be the end, it's still not 'the end of the world'. You were fine without him six months ago - you will be again Smile

EldritchCleavage · 02/07/2012 13:37

I can justabout understand wanting space . I cannot understand sending a message like that which leaves you no clue as to why, unless as others have said it is a cowardly way of ending the relationship. It is rude and cruel. If there is a reason he needs time apart (just found out his parents are dead, he is HIV+, whatever) he could just have given you an inkling as to why.

Wait it out, let him contact you first. If you don't hear from him after a week to ten days, it's over and you can safely ignore him for the rest of your life.

badtasteflump · 02/07/2012 13:39

LeQueen he needed space after ten years? HTF does that work?

AmberLeaf · 02/07/2012 13:41

Anyone else now humming that beautiful south song?

Just give him that 'space' whatever the reason/outcome its the only thing to do.

Keep busy and if you have any booze switch off your phone! No drunk texting!

badtasteflump · 02/07/2012 13:43

and PS delete his number from your phone so you can't be tempted.

If/when he gets in touch again, you'll then have his number.

DontmindifIdo · 02/07/2012 13:46

It does depend what sort of person you are, a couple of texts a day seems a lot for DH and I, but I know others talk to their other half at least once a day and then in the evening if they are apart, as well as messages. If you are instigating 70% of the contact, it could be that he is rather like me and doesn't feel the need to contact all the time. Did his message come completely out of the blue or had you just contacted him first? Could it be he's busy and doesn't want to have a text conversation with you today?

Back off completely, don't contact him. Don't even reply saying "ok" to the space request.

akaemmafrost · 02/07/2012 13:46

Text Ok. Then do NOT text him again until he texts you. If he doesn't, we'll it wasn't to be.

Please do this, because I so wish I had two months ago when in exactly the same situation.

threeleftfeet · 02/07/2012 13:49

I don't think contacting someone twice a day is wrong at all - I like to be contact with my other half and we text a fair amount when apart.

The difference is that he wants the same so it works. This guy clearly doesn't.

Would you ever say "I need some space" to someone you were into? No. That's your answer I'm afraid.

Forget this guy. (Easier said than done I know, but sadly essential!)

You deserve someone who can't wait for you to text them, not this guy who clearly doesn't appreciate the wonderfulness that is you!

LeQueen · 02/07/2012 13:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

badtasteflump · 02/07/2012 13:57

Ah bless their confused little heads Grin

catus · 02/07/2012 14:06

I'm afraid it doesn't sound good...
You're not living together, so presumably he does have space already? And doing it by text, in such a flippant way, doesn't make him look like a caring individual.
Having said that, it could be understandable if he has encountered a tragedy of some sort and doesn't feel ready to share it with you?
Just text back OK, and wait and see for a few days.

Olivetti · 02/07/2012 14:08

I wasted most of my 20s in situations like this, analysing men who "wanted space" and freaking over whether I was texting too much.

Then I met DH, and I never once felt like that, even in the very early days. Presuming you are not texting 20 times a day Grin, if the person is into you, they'll WANT to hear from you, or at the very least, not be irritated when they do. This is different from wanting space to do your own things, which is healthy, but a line of contact whenever you want it (within reason) is also normal and healthy.

Ditch him! He's stopping you from going out with someone way better!

akaemmafrost · 02/07/2012 14:17

Well this is my view.

Earlier this year I was seeing someone who I really, really, really liked. I didn't over text, kept in touch regularly but he didn't text me as often as I wanted to hear from him, they would be big delays between texts and he would go off line for days at a time. It caused me no end of stress and wondering and analysis with my mates and sister.

Now I am seeing someone who I am not that bothered about who doesn't text me THAT much but I don't much care whether he does or not, he is keener than I am. I know its not going to go anywhere and I can go for ages without texting back, when I do its probably because I have nothing better to do Blush, he always responds with alacrity when I do though, which irritates me slightly and I don't know why.

Now I know how bloke from earlier this year felt about me Sad.

Its a hard lesson. This bloke is not into you. Move on. I wish I had.

IslandMoose · 02/07/2012 15:23

Good post Emma - very honest.

OP - you're perfectly entitled to be upset. Just as he's perfectly entitled to want to cool things a little (whether or not permanently). It's just a mis-match in relationship expectancies at the moment. You can give it some time and see what happens, or you can simply write the relationship off if you don't feel it has a future. Whatever you decide, try not to stress about it.

Original poster
Flojo1979 · 02/07/2012 17:52

Well it was on saturday. He races motorbikes and was ill so I text him and asked how he did in the race, when I git no reply by 10pm I text him n asked if he was ok and said I was worried, as the last time he didn't text after a race he had fallen off. Then an hr later I got that text.

Yes I was humming beautiful south all yesterday!

OP posts:
MrsSutherland · 02/07/2012 17:54

I think texting a couple of times a day is fine, when just dating, DH and I texted numerous times a day and always spoke at least once on the phone regardless of whether it was important or not.

It sounds like you have been behaving perfectly normally. You just need to decide if you want to give him space so he can decide what he wants to do (hopefully be with you) or if you think it will be bad news then just move on. I know it sounds harsh but there's not much you can do really.

LeQueen · 02/07/2012 18:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sensuallettuce · 02/07/2012 18:57

Give him the space (DO NOT TEXT HIM and if he texts you don't be in a great rush to reply) and when he's had it don't rush to see him as soon as he texts/phones (if he does) after all - you are extremely busy Grin

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 02/07/2012 18:58

You say you aren't in his face, but it might feel like it to him if you are sending 'I was worried' texts when you've only been seeing him a couple of times a week.

Finish it before he does. Because he will. If it was meant to be no one would be needing space.

Original poster
Flojo1979 · 02/07/2012 19:02

One slight problem that I failed to mention, we r supposed to be going away for the wkend in 3 wks time, my dc's r looking forward to it and foolishly I paid for it and its camping and I hate camping, there's no way I'd go on my own, it was his kinda break not mine.

OP posts:
Original poster
Flojo1979 · 02/07/2012 19:02

Gezzz how pathetic does that sound now :(

OP posts:
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