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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be upset that he wants space?

65 replies

Flojo1979 · 02/07/2012 09:50

So, I've been seeing someone for 6 months, fallen for him, this wkend he texts 'look flo, I need some headspace, just some time to myself, like no contact for a few days'.
Ok so its just a few days, not the end of the world, right?

OP posts:
solidgoldbrass · 02/07/2012 19:02

He's not that into you and trying to let you down gently. It's only been six months, so shrug and move on. there are plenty more men out there.

trixie123 · 02/07/2012 19:17

I disagree with those who are saying its a pre-curser to dumping you. He may just need a few days to decide if he wants to really commit long term or not. I know a number of people who either did this or were on the receiving end and it was a genuine "just need a few days off" thing. I did it myself at one point and sadly, and to my lasting regret, the other person felt unable to do it, over-reacted and we split up. Do as he asks (why not?-don't sit around waiting for contact, go away, go the cinema, TURN YOUR PHONE OFF for a bit) and then see. If he is dumping you you'll soon know, but don't jump the gun.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 02/07/2012 19:21

If you hate camping, why on earth were you going to go camping? Confused

And you paid for it??

This is why he needs space, you are being too easy for him.

I know many MNers hate The Rules, but there is no denying that that book is needed sometimes!

Original poster
Flojo1979 · 02/07/2012 19:31

I thought I'd try to embrace the camping. That's what I like about him, he keeps me on my toes, and keeps me interested where the Mr easys bore me. But oh god now I think I've turned in to the little nice nice, boring...dare I say doormat. Gezz.

OP posts:
oranges · 02/07/2012 19:32

either cancel camping or take a friend. if he rocks back in touch, tell him you'd assumed he doesn't want to come. It's shite but getting back in touch to ask him if he wants still wants to go is not a good idea either.

akaemmafrost · 02/07/2012 19:37

I think you've shown him too much. If the bloke I was seeing told me he was "worried" about me only a few weeks in (especially the one I am seeing atm) that would make me feel quite suffocated and Hmm, like he was trying to get too involved at too fast a pace. In short exactly what lequeen said. Do it MY way! Because I am not that bothered about you anyway. It's harsh I know.

Don't get me wrong it's not your fault, with the right man who was properly into you, it would all click and not be a problem.

Go camping on your own with the dc, I would, I bet you'll have a great time.

NowThenWreck · 02/07/2012 21:31

Say "Oh, I am soo sorry-It turns out I can't go camping after all!Sad face."
Then ignore him.
Meanwhile, spend some time looking for a man who makes you feel wanted.

If a man wants to see you/ talk to you, he will do ANYTHING to make that happen. If not, nothing you can do.

Original poster
Flojo1979 · 02/07/2012 21:38

Thanks for your advice, quite conflicting tho it is. Right now I think I've just got to wait it out and see if he bothers to get in touch. The camping bit was to a music festival which I wouldn't be happy going on my own to, then he was going back home to work and I was carrying on with the kids driving further on to a hotel (he didn't want to do that).
Gezz how could I not see what a doormat I've been!

OP posts:
threeleftfeet · 02/07/2012 23:35

Can you sell on the festival tickets?

AKE2012 · 03/07/2012 00:21

My hub told me one day he wanted 'space'. A week later he was shacked up with his boss. Give him the space but dont hang on for him. Get on with ur own life n if he comes back thats a bonus. Hope u get wat u want n makes u happy.

Original poster
Flojo1979 · 03/07/2012 09:52

Thanx, the festival isn't sold out so I doubt I can sell them on.
So far resisted the urge to ring him n demand what the hell is going on!

OP posts:
Laquitar · 03/07/2012 10:01

Please dont take this the wrong way but maybe the 'i was worried' put him off. Some people- i'm not saying you- use this line to manipulate and guilt trip.

Perhaps he is not much into you. In which case its his loss.

Or perhaps he might come back hotter.

Just chill and spent time with your friends and in 1-2 weeks you will know.

Laquitar · 03/07/2012 10:06

Cant you take a girlfriend with you at the festival?

A mnetter whos on her own might be interested? It will be fun and making new friends too.

badtasteflump · 04/07/2012 09:58

What it boils down to is that none of us can read his mind and see what he's really thinking. He could just be getting the jitters, or seeing someone else, or something else completely.

All you can do is leave him be. If he wants you he knows where you are Smile

sophieontheinternet · 04/07/2012 10:01

It sounds pretty bad! 'Headspace' is an ominous word IME. But even if you assume for a moment that he really does just need lots of space (some men do like a lot of space!) - are you okay with that? Because if not, he might still not be right for you, even if he is interested after all.

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