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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To refuse sex when we're not in a good place?

78 replies

WingingItBadly · 01/07/2012 19:56

DH wanting afternoon sex with the dc's being out, but I'm not happy with him at he moment and said no.
He's now in a strop!

OP posts:
valiumredhead · 01/07/2012 19:59

I dunno tbh, sometimes a quickie can smooth things over, depends why you aren't happy with him.

Mrsjay · 01/07/2012 19:59

i wouldnt have sex with DH if we had a falling out or a disagreement let him strop

LadyStoneheart · 01/07/2012 20:00

You are never being 'unreasonable' to refuse sex if you don't want it :(

BonkeyMollocks · 01/07/2012 20:00

What valium said.

yellowraincoat · 01/07/2012 20:00

Totally unfair of him to be in a strop because you're not up for it. I hate that sort of crap.

It really depends on the severity of the pissed off ness. Sometimes having sex makes me love my partner anew.

You shouldn't ever do something you don't want to though.

Sparklingbrook · 01/07/2012 20:01

What valium said. Then he wouldn't be in a strop and you could be having a nice evening.

Why aren't you happy with him? Tell us his crime.

scentednappyhag · 01/07/2012 20:01

What Yellowraincoat said.

DamselInTornDress · 01/07/2012 20:02

Foreplay starts way before you get into bed. It's about how much you want to be intimate with him before getting intimate that counts. And if either party is doing nothing to seduce the other into wanting to be intimate then it's going to be a cold shoulder night.

Johnnydeppsnewmrs · 01/07/2012 20:04

What Lady said.
If you don't want to for whatever reason, then don't.
If you want to but are saying no to make a point, maybe sort the issue out then have fun.

doggiemumma · 01/07/2012 20:04

I think it very much depends on what "not in a good place" means, if you are not happy with him because he didn't put the rubbish out then "cutting ones nose off to spite ones face" comes to mund. If howver you are UNHAPPY, then why would you feel like sex and that is a very different issue all together.

For me, i find that sex helps me feel happier with DP (things are wonderful for us just now but we are getting there) and i feel more isolated if we don't do it. But sometimes i just don't feel like it, it would be very wrong of him to put me under pressure to do it.

squeakytoy · 01/07/2012 20:04

Depends.. on why you are not getting on, why you dont want to make up...

doggiemumma · 01/07/2012 20:05

*aren't wonderful Blush

BlackOutTheSun · 01/07/2012 20:07

Why on earth would you be BU to refuse sex if you don't want to have sex?

And going off in a strop? He needs to grow the fuck up

ChaoticismyLife · 01/07/2012 20:08

So she should have sex with him so he wouldn't be in a strop? Hmm

I did it once in my much younger days, regretted every minute of it, wouldn't do it again.

YANBU

Sparklingbrook · 01/07/2012 20:10

Well it sounds like OP is in a strop with him and he is in a strop with her TBH.

Angelico · 01/07/2012 20:10

Of course YANBU. Why are you even asking this?

And if my DH got in a strop because I didn't want sex I would tell him to go and fuck himself (no pun intended...)

usualsuspect · 01/07/2012 20:10

He's a twat to get in a strop because you don't feel like sex.

YANBU

Sparklingbrook · 01/07/2012 20:11

Can you tell us why you are not happy with him? Has he done something terrible?

EightiesChick · 01/07/2012 20:14

What Lady said. But also if you're unhappy with him, it needs to be talked about and sorted out. I am assuming that he just wanted sex rather than fixing the problem. Does he know why you're not happy with him and that that's why you didn't want to do it?

eslteacher · 01/07/2012 20:15

I don't like the phrase "refuse sex". It does read very uncomfortably.

But anyway. I basically know what you mean, and have been in similar dilemmas. However, sometimes I don't have the willpower to "refuse", and tend to agree with valium and yellowraincoat that sex can go some way to helping things get back on track, depending on what the original problem was.

tinkerbel72 · 01/07/2012 20:17

If you don't feel like having sex, don't do it.
But to use sex as some sort of bargaining tool in a power game stinks

McHappyPants2012 · 01/07/2012 20:17

In my relationship after a good fuck we can talk problems throught better, the tension just seems to go.

Rachog · 01/07/2012 20:19

Yanbu to say no to sex if you don't feel like it.

If your unhappy with him.maybe you should talk it through and then you can have you afternoon delight if you feel like it.

Having said that I wasn't happy with dp this morning but asked him to "donate some.sperm" (trying to encourage baby out) we are now in a much better mood with each other thanks to all the feel hood hormones.

FairhairedandFrustrated · 01/07/2012 20:20

Don't ever have sex with someone just so they'll not be in a mood.

You are not responsible for his mood swings!

Original poster
WingingItBadly · 01/07/2012 23:07

I'm unhappy with him about the way he is behaving towards our ds who is coming to terms with being gay. DS is being a dick - and a real disappointment. I feel he is letting ds down.

I like a good fuck like the next woman. If it was just about the bins I'd be on him now. But this is something much more. Its nit even about me. He's letting his son down. A poor father is not sexyAngry!

OP posts:
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