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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To refuse sex when we're not in a good place?

78 replies

WingingItBadly · 01/07/2012 19:56

DH wanting afternoon sex with the dc's being out, but I'm not happy with him at he moment and said no.
He's now in a strop!

OP posts:
Original poster
WingingItBadly · 01/07/2012 23:08

Sorry - typed in anger

DH is being a dick! Not ds, although be is getting it I suppose ( sorry my ds, cant help myself today - its been a lot to take in).

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 01/07/2012 23:12

Please don't say that about your son.

Original poster
WingingItBadly · 01/07/2012 23:13

Say what?

OP posts:
doggiemumma · 01/07/2012 23:17

I think there was a crossed post there wingingit, imperial probably didnt pick up the one correcting your typo.

You are right, it is certainly not as simple as not taking out the bins.

I guess it might be a bit of a shock to find out that your DS is gay, even if you are ok with it, like you say, your DS himself is having to come to terms with it so maybe your DH is behaving like an arse because he is shocked. He certainly souldnt be letting your DS know how he is feeling and should be supportive. Id be angry with him too and probably wouldn't feel like having sex with him either.

Original poster
WingingItBadly · 01/07/2012 23:24

Right now I'd throw him out but for the fact we don't any more drama!!

I'll give him time but there is a horrible whiff of his mother about him at the mo. If he is turning into her divorce will not be sufficient distance!!!!!!!!

OP posts:
kittyandthefontanelles · 01/07/2012 23:27

YANBU for refusing sex.

YABU for saying you son is now getting 'dick'. That isn't very respectful.

doggiemumma · 01/07/2012 23:28

oh dear, you really are angry with him - i can't say as i blame you either. He sounds like his ego has been dented and he wanted to prove himself with a quick fuck. Nup, you did the right thing, he has upset you, which is different to making you angry or havin a row, over something very significant. fuck him (not literally of course!) and his tantrums! I hope your DS is OK

Original poster
WingingItBadly · 02/07/2012 16:11

Kittyand...

I didnt call ds a dick - it was a typo

OP posts:
giveitago · 02/07/2012 16:23

"I dunno tbh, sometimes a quickie can smooth things over, depends why you aren't happy with him."

I can't say I'd ever understand this. But I'm sure it's normal. It's a man's world.

valiumredhead · 02/07/2012 16:32

It's about reconnecting sometimes and sometimes it's easier to talk things over once you are both relaxed. Believe me I wouldn't be doing anything I didn't want to in order to keep the peace. If my dh was being an arse about ds being gay we would not be having sex as I would not feel remotely loving towards him. As I said, it depends why you are mad at someone.

kittyandthefontanelles · 02/07/2012 22:52

Winging, I saw the typo. That's not what I was referring to. How are things today? I could never have sex if I was angry.

hairytale · 03/07/2012 00:44

Yanbu.

PlopButNOPudding · 03/07/2012 05:55

YANBU if you simply don't want sex

YABU if you could quite happily have a quick bonk but are refusing as a kind of punishment

differentnameforthis · 03/07/2012 06:54

I wouldn't be having sex with my dh in this situation. It is nothing to do with punishing him, I don't use sex that way. A man that can treat his kids like that isn't at all attractive to me, why should I want to be intimate with him?

And as for sulking, to me that is ANOTHER major turn off. I don't want a 5yr old for a partner.

Then he wouldn't be in a strop and you could be having a nice evening So she should have a quicky (that she doesn't want) so he isn't in a strop? That isn't a relationship. And being coerced into sex to prevent an unfavourable outcome...isn't there a word for that! Hmm

Mishy1234 · 03/07/2012 08:02

YANBU. Why should you have sex just to please him if you don't want it?

There's nothing worse than someone badgering for sex when there partner simply isn't interested (man or woman). It just puts the other person off even more and doesn't show any respect for their feelings. It's kind of saying, I want it, I know you don't think enough of you to care about that! Really selfish behaviour.

Mishy1234 · 03/07/2012 08:03

Should say I want it, I know you don't but I don't think enough of you to care about that!

valiumredhead · 03/07/2012 08:05

Don't think anyone suggested sex to smooth things over after the OP had actually explained the situation Hmm

differentnameforthis · 03/07/2012 16:44

Didn't really need further explanation though. It is all there in the first post. OP said she was unhappy with her dh, that she had said no because of this. Regardless of that, she doesn't need a reason to not want sex. It isn't something that is obligatory that we need to make excuses for.

There is no need to suggest that she was anything else but reasonable in that situation.

Yet apparently having sex to smooth things over, when you don't want to, is ok! Hmm

valiumredhead · 03/07/2012 16:49

It completely depends on your relationship as to what works for you.

valiumredhead · 03/07/2012 16:51

Yet apparently having sex to smooth things over, when you don't want to, is ok!

Where did I say have sex even when you don't want to?

Krumbum · 03/07/2012 16:55

That's really wrong that he is angry that you don't want to have sex, he's emotionally blackmailing you. You should never feel pressured into sex. I can't believe people are saying you should just have sex with to stop him being angry, that is disgusting.

Krumbum · 03/07/2012 16:58

Oh and he's a homophobe too, brilliant. Sounds like a selfish cunt.

valiumredhead · 03/07/2012 16:59

FFS none said have sex to stop him being angry - read the bloody thread Hmm

OP drip fed and once she had said what she was angry about not one person suggested anything other than being pissed off with dh!

My suggestion of a quickie was based on perhaps two people being a bit stressed and narky with each other in which case sometimes physical contact ( not always sex, sometimes just a cuddle) can help.

valiumredhead · 03/07/2012 16:59

I may have been slightly narky myself in my last post Wink

Dropdeadfred · 03/07/2012 17:06

Did you mean to say ' my ds is being a dick ..I suppose he's getting it?
'?

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