Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have just walked out of my mum's house shaking with rage

75 replies

BlackholesAndRevelations · 01/07/2012 17:22

...because she hit my toddler daughter?!

It was only a tap on the bum but WE DO NOT DO THIS and she knows it! I actually said, "how dare you?!" Have never spoken to my mum like that but having my own kids, well... I'm different bow I suppose, and someone else hitting my child was like a red rag to a bull. Mumsnet jury?

OP posts:
HecateHarshPants · 01/07/2012 17:24

Not unreasonable at all.

And don't back down or apologise either!

SoleSource · 01/07/2012 17:25

YANBU

Bums are private areas too.

numbertaker · 01/07/2012 17:25

YANBU. If someone else hit my kid, mother or not, they would get a verbal dressing down.

I have just had a visit from my mother, we have different standards, she always encourages them to be naughty. It does my head in.

jaffacake2 · 01/07/2012 17:27

I would have done the same if someone in my family,or anyone,hit one of my children.
People need to know it is completely unacceptable to hit a child. I know that there will be opinions about whether a tap is a hit,but in my view it is still wrong.
Also it tells the child that violence if you think someone has done something wrong is a just reaction.

Original poster
BlackholesAndRevelations · 01/07/2012 17:29

Thank you!! Actually just writing this has made me angry again. She was being punished for pushing her baby brother but punishing violence with more violence??! Argh!

OP posts:
PorkyandBess · 01/07/2012 17:33

YANBU!

I would have been so furious too.

You need to talk to her though, and get her to promise to never do this again.

jubilee10 · 01/07/2012 17:36

If she knows you do not do that then she either completely disregarded your wishes or hit out in anger without thinking first. Completely unacceptable.
UANBU

Dawndonna · 01/07/2012 17:54

Children should not be hit. Yanbu.

HecateHarshPants · 01/07/2012 17:59

Ah. A variation on the old - hitting is wrong and to show you how wrong it is, I am going to hit you.

If brains were dynamite, some people wouldn't have enough to blow their nose.

I hope she apologises, OP.

Shellywelly1973 · 01/07/2012 18:04

Totally agree with you!!!

My Ds has SN & about 2yrs ago my dm&ds were in the car,(it was about 20 min journey).

Dm slapped ds because he wouldn't sit still!

He has ASD &ADHD...

Lets put it this way,shes never done it since!

soozeedol · 01/07/2012 18:06

YANBU!!!....regardless of any excuses made....don't care who it is....

holyfishnets · 01/07/2012 18:07

I don't agree with your mum doing this. There are other ways of dealing with DD pushing baby

insancerre · 01/07/2012 18:07

YANBU

PinkChampagneandStrawberries · 01/07/2012 18:10

YANBU

squeakytoy · 01/07/2012 18:10

what had your daughter been doing?

a tap on the bum is hardly a beating...

Nanny0gg · 01/07/2012 18:16

Was it a tap she could feel, or not?

Because, I'm sorry, in my book a tap isn't a hit, slap, clout or any other form of 'beating', And that makes a difference.

I agree, your child, your rules and if you don't use any form of corporal punishment then that's your decision and it should be followed.
However - I have a couple of times caught myself before administering a 'tap', because that's what I would have done to my children in that circumastance.
So it could have been more of a reflex than intentional iyswim.
Give her a chance to apologise.

somewherewest · 01/07/2012 18:18

If it was "only a tap on the bum" then you are being a bit U, especially if your mother did it without thinking. Tell her you don't want it to happen again but don't go crazy.

YouOldSlag · 01/07/2012 19:21

Your baby, your rules, but don't let one mistake ruin the relationship she has with her GD. I am sure she can see you are angry and won't do it again.

whackamole · 01/07/2012 19:37

I think you are being a bit unreasonable.

This is your mum. Unless she has a history of abuse, and you witnessed her doing it and why she did it, then you know it wasn't done to hurt her don't you?

I don't think she should have done it, but I think your reaction was way over the top. I think she should apologise and then you should also apologise for blowing your top. By your own admission it was only a tap on the bum!

GrahamTribe · 01/07/2012 19:37

Nanny0gg is spot on AFAIAC. Your rules trump anyone else's over your child but a tap isn't a beating and the tap could have been a reflex action so it's possible that this can be resolved calmly if you give your mum the chance to apologise.

NarkedRaspberry · 01/07/2012 19:40

People who choose to smack have that right in England ATM. But only for their own children. She has no right to lay a finger on yours.

NarkedRaspberry · 01/07/2012 19:41

Did she smack you as a child?

Hulababy · 01/07/2012 19:42

Yanbu.

Doesn't matter IMO if it is a tap or a slap. I do not hit my child in anyform and wouldn't accept anyone else doing so either, especially if they know my views on this. Unacceptable. Besides you didn't teach a child not to push someone by physically punishes tem surly? It's not even logically!

snoopyplaystennis · 01/07/2012 19:44

I have never understood smacking on the bum (or anywhere else on the body). To me that is something adults do in privacy or at an s and m club. not what you do to kids. It is a terrible breach of privacy imo

jamdonut · 01/07/2012 19:47

Did she do this to you when you were little? You will know the difference between a warning and a beating,then. Don't forget our mothers lived in a time when it was acceptable, and it is hard to unlearn...a reflex reaction ,as someone else has said.
By all means tell her you don't want her to do that, and why, but don't fall out with her about it.