lazy teacher

[cheekypickle]

Am I a bad mum for sending DD (10 months) to the childminders even in the school holidays?

Are you having to pay regardless?

I think it's a bit sad really. :(

I personally wouldn't do it because my kids are 20yrs, 13yrs and 9yrs and I can't believe how quickly those early years shot by.

Even now (apart from the 20yr old who's at work) I absolutely love spending family time during the school holidays.

But you are your child's Mother and therefore what you choose is down to you and no-one else.

Just be happy and confident in your own choices, even if other people might not understand them.

I'll be sending my DD 12months 1 morning a week to the childminder during the holidays just so we don't have to go through the whole settling in tears again - so she keeps her relationship with the childminder, and I will also get 3 whole hours a week to myself.

I can't imagine leaving her there all day or more than twice a week max if I wasn't working. I'd miss her too much...

Oh and I'm sending her also as I have to pay regardless, so might as well get some time to myself! Mostly though so she remembers the childminder.

I don't think you are necessarily being unreasonable.

I'm a teacher and if I had any childcare options for my 9 and 5 year olds then I would use them as much as possible. I have a change in role for September and really need to be in school full time during August. We are going on holiday for the end of July but after that my children are going to spend a lot of time playing at school. I can afford a 5 day performing arts camp but that is it.

You know how much time you need to rest and to work. You are keeping your daughter for the first two weeks which is as much as most FT workers would get at once. So I don't see the problem personally.

When I was teaching my DD went to nursery two days a week in the holiday to keep up some contact and so I got a bit of the rest I needed at the end of the school year but I was also desperate for a bit of time with her.
I suspect you feel that you need the holiday you have always had but it won't be the same if you are sat at home knowing she is elsewhere. Life is different now...

"You are keeping your daughter for the first two weeks, which is what most full time workers get at once"

Yes but do they CHOOSE that?

What WorraLiberty says.

I think your baby will be very happy either way. Don't feel guilty and dont feel the need to explain yourself.

And don't take any notice of the 'have you bonded with her' stuff.

Some mums who talk about the time they spend with their baby being so precious etc etc actually spend much of the time with the telly on while they're texting/phoning/ipadding etc etc.

You do what suits you and your family.

Because I work FT I've never in my life looked after my kids for 6 weeks.

I went back to work when each of them was 2 or 3 months old.

I don't regret it at all. Don't feel like I've missed out on anything. They don't feel like they've missed out on anything.

No way would I want to spend a 6 week 'holiday' looking after my kids.

Babies are very boring. Even your own.....

It seems excessive to me. As pp have said I would keep her in childcare 2-3 days a week, so you get a break and a bit of extra time. You shouldn't feel guilty but I do think you should give it a little more thought. I'm guessing at this stage of the term you are exhausted but perhaps might feel differently once the holidays start. I think you are right to have the first and last week to yourself to relax/prepare but the weeks in the middle I would definately reduce.
All that said it is your choice and you have to do what works for you!

Sending your kids to a childminder because you are working - fair enough. Continuing to send them there occasionally while you are at home for the sake of their relationship with the minder is sensible.

Sending them because you need to need 'me time'?

... Because you cant think of anything to do with them?

... Because you find them boring??

:(

Yes it is sad to put a child into childcare because you think being with them is boring.

Being a parent is not a hobby.

OP - the answer is very simple.

You clearly have your doubts about this otherwise you would just be doing it without asking for opinions on a public forum. I would listen to your instincts. And if you feel guilty now, then don't do it!

My youngest is in reception now and I would love to still be able to have a day out with her in the week but I can't. You can't turn the clock back. Plenty of time for me-time when she's napping/in the evenings/when she's older.

I forgot to say that I've recently come out of hospital after being diagnosed with bi polar. I had a depressive spell in which I found it very stressful looking after DD. I haven't yet spent more than 2days (weekends) in her company and feel anxious about having her again

I would be just sat around on my own at home whilst she went to the childminder :(

Then why not try alternate days?

I don't think it makes you a bad mum to take her to the childminders through the holidays - I do find it a bit sad that you don't feel like you could cope with her for longer than a weekend.

Not in a oh the poor baby way, but for you. She's a baby, if she's used to going and likes it, she'll not know or care that you're not at work. But, if you'll not become better at managing to be with her if you just never are...

Could you plan something so that you're working up to it a bit more? Pencil in the odd Monday or Friday off so you get some long weekends, a few later mornings so you don't have that rush, maybe leave it a bit flexible so that if it's a nice day you can decide to do something with your DD ?

That way you can see how it goes rather than having the stress of worrying about the entire holidays.

The stress either way I mean of either you having her the entire time or the childminder having her the entire time.

OP why didn't you say that at the beginning?
Why did you call your thread 'lazy teacher' rather than 'teacher with bipolar worrying about how to spend the holidays with a 10 month old baby'?

You might have received more sympathy and understanding that way.

Agree - that update changes everything - in that case I would say don't make plans either way as that will cause stress - just play it by ear on a day by day basis.

I send DS to chilcare in the holidays, but not every day. He'll go a couple of days a week so I ca go into work. Mind you, this summer holiday he'll have two weeks solid in childcare because I am running summer school.

Hmmm, I had my judgey pants pulled waaaay up before you last update OP (I really miss mine when they go back to school). If you are suffering bipolar and anxiety then of course you need to use whatever you can to help.

If you are feeling guilty about it though, I guess that isn't going to help your state of mind either?

What about organising a day each week activity with some other mums, or a group to go to (I think local sports centres are a good place to start for baby gym etc) and keeping her home that day. Perhaps try to make it mid week so you have some rest either side?

Another one who was ready to pull up ones judgy pants,glad now I hesitated.

Op why don't you line up half the week with the cm and half with support and baby at home ie could your mum,friends,dp be with you and baby?If not could you arrange some days out with the cm,pay her but you tag along too?

Is it poss to rename the thread as you may get posts from mums who have been in exactly the same position.

Or yes book said cm(she'll need to be paid)but take each day as it comes.

Or how about booking her for afternoons(if she's paid for the whole day anyway she won't care).That way you may get a lie in (hollow laugh) and limited morning stress,a couple of hours quality time with baby then afternoons to yourself?

OP, the quotes i used earlier in my judgy post weren't taken from any of your posts. I know that.

But whyyyyyyyyy did you wait till page 3 to tell us the proper story? The flavour of the thread has been led by others' posts and opinions and you havn't been given a fair deal.

Post this again on R'ships. It's about you and your baby.