To think 'my treat' doesn't mean don't contribute anything?

[Eggrules]

My friend is a sahm and in her case this means money is tight. There is a show we both would love to see. After a wine or two I rashly said let's go my treat. I mentioned dinner and the concert. She still lives in the city we grew up in. She won't leave her DC with her DH and doesn't like to socialise on nights out/away. I was surprised and pleased when she said she would like to come here so I said I would spring for a hotel.

She has sent a text asking 'what should I do about travel?'

She drives and she could buy a very reasonable advance ticket for the train (£11 return). She has does have some spare cash. She is off to the cinema and has gallery tickets (about £20 each I think). If this was the other way around, I would expect to contribute something. I would pay for drinks and breakfast.

AIBU in expecting my friend to pay for her own travel?
Should I have expectations regarding a contribution?

I pay for things sporadically and only if agreed in advance. It has always been activities relating to the DC. For example they came down for an all day visit. It was pouring rain and the DC were climbing the walls. It was a two hour drive for them to get home and they need to burn off some energy. I suggested we go to a soft play and paid for lunch. This was fair imo - she had the petrol expense, the inconvenience of travel and wasn't expecting to need money for the day.

I really do think it's like Gibbous pointed out. She thinks I can easily afford this and that I have plenty of cash to go around. As others have said 'my treat' could mean 'I don't need to contribute anything'.

Its birthday party central for us both and I haven't managed to catch up properly. I sent a text saying we could change the venue if she wanted to. She replied that she definitely wanted to come here. IMO that means she pays her own travel but I will talk to her before I buy the tickets.

I think i need to lay off the wine completely

I think the same thing was happening with my friend tbh. It's no secret that our household income is substantially higher than theirs, and she seemed to think that because this was the case, then it was fine to expect me to pay for her, almost in a way like she was entitled to it as things were easier for me financially than they were for her.

She's taking the piss. Tell her if she insists on coming to X venue, then she should pay for half the hotel.

This has made me think that I need to be a lot more thoughtful. I don't want to start a sahm/wm debate but the choice not to return from maternity leave was one they made. Things are easier financially because I work and not because I have a money tree.

I am generous and behave as I think a great host should. If others are ungracious or just strange (DM and ILs), that is their problem. I have always thought that poor behaviour in others shouldn't mean I should comprise my standards. Something for me to think about.

I have agreed to pay for tickets, dinner and hotel. Travel expenses for a change of venue she wants is 'taking the piss'.

No wonder wedding vows include 'for richer for poorer' - I wonder how lottery winners cope?

This is so interesting. I'm surprised people think that travel would be included. I would hate to have a friendship where I was so dependent on a friend that I would accept 'treats' but contribute nothing at all. Maybe family, but even there I'm proud enough to do travel. The DCs would need to be starving before I threw myself on the mercy of friends like this.

OP, I think there's a danger of you mixing up the SAHM thing with your current resentment. She's not being piss-taking because she's aSAHM, it's because she's bad mannered. We all make different financial decisions and life decisions and her fault is not choosing to not to go back to work. Her fault is accepting a treat and not understanding that £11 travel is not something she should be asking for.

I would have thought "my treat" just meant the tickets to be honest.

What kickingKcurlyc said. I definitely wouldnt have thought it included hotel and dinner and travel!

Our circumstances are different in lots of ways. Imo, the fact that she is on a tighter budget is the main reason why she asked about the additional expense. Partly, she interprets my treat in a different way to me; in the same circumstance, I would expect to contribute something.

She isn't at my mercy. Poor communication and a bit of a cheek won't spoil our friendship.

Has she made contact?

Playing phone tick still. Working tonight and so I will speak to her tomorrow.