to say loudly "If you just let me get off, it will be easier for you to get on!"

[Wheezo]

What is it with people who try and get on a packed tube/train BEFORE the people getting off at that station have actually managed to leave the train? What is the point? Is there anyone out there who would admit to doing this? Would love to understand why - defies logic to me because surely once everyone is off there is more space for others to get on rather than getting on and doing a strange dance shoulder jousting the departing passengers

Oh and other rules are if people on the train already have to get off to let others off the train because it's too packed for them to get off don't push past those people to get on the train FFS - why should they be punished for their politeness.

Am dreading the Olympics.

Can we add to the people who stop dead on reaching the safety of the pavement, the massed ranks of people waiting on the edge of the pavement unwilling to move a fraction to allow me to get out of the way of the bus coming straight for me?

Yes, I have broken the rules by crossing against the lights but you can deal with it in the traditional British way by tutting at me. Or do you really want to see me dead? I conclude yes, because in your world that is the fate reserved for rule breakers.

Also people who cross diagonally in front of me leaving me stranded when the lights change.

Can we also add people who literally force their free paper/leaflet/piece of crap at you by standing in front of you and refusing to get out of the way?

And the idiot people at rush hour who queue up at the tube barrier, arrive at the front and then think "oh, I had better get my oyster card out, hmm where is it, in my pocket? Oh no maybe in my bag, let's just root through my enormous handbag whilst everyone waits for me as they clearly have nowhere to go"

get your oyster card out BEFORE you get to the barrier, when it's rush hour and there is a queue of irate people behind you.

I once stood in the John Lewis lift and totally blocked the door so no one could get in and said, "I shall stay in here all damned day going up and down if you lot don't move to let me out.

Followed by a "thankyou soooooo much" dripping with sarcasm once they realised I was serious.

tantrums are you the woman behind me at King's Cross one morning when I fed my ticket into the exit machine and the barriers failed to open leaving me confused and her shouting: 'Get out of my fucking way, you fucking moron'?

I was transferring to the overground and it had inexplicably spat my single ticket back at me which I didn't notice because I wasn't expecting it.

Thankfully the woman solved the problem by reaching over me (have I mentioned that I'm a midget?) and shoving the ticket in my uncomprehending face as she pushed past.

Sorry about that. Won't do it again

Haha that may have been me

Another one of my lovely qualities is to literally grab the tickets out of people's hand and get them through the barrier.

And then say sarcastically youre welcome when they walk off without saying thank you.

London rush hour has made me evil

My partner and I had a massive row the other day. We were at the lift at Chalk Farm, reached it just as it was closing. He stuck his hand in to stop it. How bloody rude. I refused to get on, so he got in and then kept his hand out and shouted at me to get in. We stood like that for a good 20 seconds while everyone else clearly hated us.

I will take no part in such rudeness. You missed the lift, don't bloody hold it up any longer.

I live close to the offices I have to go into so I try to get on a train no earlier than 9.45am. I'd rather be 15 minutes late than face the tube earlier than that.

Especially in the summer when you're slicked with sweat the instant the doors close.

I hate people who can't commit to a lift queue and try to shove me out of the way (because I am a midget) when mine comes first.

It happened at Goodge Street last week when I'd been patiently waiting for the end lift and all these mahoosive Johnny-come-latelys tried to elbow me out of first place.

I may be small but I have sharp elbows. And will bite if necessary

IME this is only a problem in London. I can't conceive of living in a place where people are so rude they have to make official announcements on the tube to this effect.

I lives hundreds of miles from London. It happens everywhere.

Limited, that's shocking! You would never get that ooop north.

I thought the Northern Line was north hermione. You mean there's something else out there?

Well I do it to ensure a seat for ds, who has SN.

However before I get po face of the thread award, I sometimes also do it when I am alone. I live in London and I HATE standing on the tube. I know I shouldn't but seats are a valuable commodity and if I don't do it someone else will and bag MY seat.

There is nothing else. London is all there is.

Anyone who tells you otherwise is lying

I'm regularly lugging a 65L rucksack on the Tube. I do try very, very hard not to hit people with it, always move down the carriage and take it off my back to put at my feet.

I really hate large groups of schoolchildren, particularly ones from Europe. They always walk in a gaggle, rather than a neat line, they take up the pavement and shout very loudly. They also run around shops and knock old ladies flying! And the teachers do nothing.

End rant, its been a long, hot day in my tourist-filled city.

tantrums I like your style.

I am a tube shouter, and I deal with people who stop dead on the pavement by walking into the back of them. But once I did this at the hell on earth that is Oxford Circus and the crazy girl followed me and challenged me to a fight. So I laid her out.

I didn't really. I swore at her and ran walked away.

Gail, the problem is it was true! I was feeling very green after being in a carriage with the most horribly smelly man ever. Honestly, worse than that lady who used to sleep on the Victoria Line and I thought was dead for a while and who led to the rule - if there's a suspiciously empty carriage on a full train, don't get in it.

other tube systems don't have announcements as fellow passengers will just physically move you

"if there's a suspiciously empty carriage on a full train, don't get in it."

This made me

I was once in a carriage and a very drunk homeless guy got on and started challenging everyone to a fight, pushing people etc. etc. At the next stop the carriage emptied and he ended up by himself...until some new people got on...who promptly got off at the next stop!

I have also seen a woman march up to a full carriage, pull a girl off it and get on in her place Everyone was speechless.

Moving on to plane travel. Why does everyone stand up the minute the plane has 'reached the terminal building'. Then stand in the aisle until the doors open. What's the rush? I don't want to be looking at an empty baggage carousel

Regular train loons I have known include the woman who carried a ski pole to jab people, the one who'd berate men for molesting female passengers sitting next to them even when these women would say they hadn't noticed a thing and the woman who'd lie on the floor with her legs in the air with no knickers shouting: 'I'm 40 and I'm naughty.'

The common factor was that they'd perform only if there were no seats left.

sparkling I forgot about them. I'm going away soon and was looking forward to it .

Also people who hold everyone up by taking an age to sit down;

Adults who whine: 'But I'm sitting there' immediately on boarding. Don't panic. We'll swap once everyone's settled;

People who don't want to share the overhead locker because their stuff is 'special';

People who try to get hold luggage in the cabin;

People who keep getting up. Especially those who use your head rest to haul themselves out;

People who insist on the window seat then want to use the toilet several times and do anti-DVT strolls down the aisle on a two-hour flight;

People who insist on the window seat on a 10-hour+ flight and get up at 1 hour intervals while you are trying to sleep in the aisle seat they didn't want;

People who climb over you to get out. Just fucking wait. I do not welcome your crotch in my face and if you thrust it upon me, I will call you a pervert very loudly because you probably are;

People, the same person as above, who keep trying to talk to me, saying: 'You're quiet, aren't you love?' or 'You read a lot, don't you, babe?' (yes, I'm trying to ignore you) and ask hopefully 'Aren't you going to eat that?' when you leave the yoghurt. It was an 11-hour flight. In the end I started a conversation about how I was a militant lesbian;

People in front of you who recline their seats on a two-hour daytime flight;

People behind you who kick your seat. They are not always children;

Families who crowd the carousel - one person takes charge of the trolley and waits for the bags. The other person and the kids stand well back;

People who stand at the extreme beginning of the carousel and constantly part the rubber curtains to see if the bags are coming. Especially if they shout: 'Get a move on, Pedro!' in a cheery fashion;

People who check the label on every bag that comes past and then disgustedly shove the strange bag back haphazardly so it falls off into the middle and is marooned until the carousel stops;

People who grab suitcases from the carousel and act dumbfounded when someone points out it's theirs and maybe they might like to check the label on those highly individual green, grey, black etc bags before leaving with someone else's clothes.

I was on a private plane once but there were still other people on it.

Does no-one remember the smelly Victoria Line woman, about 10 years ago now? Middle-aged, Asian, black dusty clothes (traditional as far as I could tell), bare feet, awful stench? DH (then bf) and I accidentally got on the same carriage as her about 5 times, till we created the rule!

Can I come on holiday with you limited, we can be outraged at everything on your list together.

Not to mention the ones that are fiddling with the things above their head the whole flight. Armpits everywhere.

I so agree about the seat-kicking. I've had this in the cinema too. (Don't get me started on the cinema.)

I've just remembered the thing that annoys me more than anything (yes, worse than standing at the bottom of the escalator, getting onto tube trains before everyone else has got off et) and it is this: people who carry an umbrella horizontally under their arms. Why oh why do they do this? It seems to be mostly men (I could be wrong.) But it's not exactly difficult to carry it vertically, is it? Are they deliberately trying to stab the person walking behind them?