to say loudly "If you just let me get off, it will be easier for you to get on!"

[Wheezo]

What is it with people who try and get on a packed tube/train BEFORE the people getting off at that station have actually managed to leave the train? What is the point? Is there anyone out there who would admit to doing this? Would love to understand why - defies logic to me because surely once everyone is off there is more space for others to get on rather than getting on and doing a strange dance shoulder jousting the departing passengers

Oh and other rules are if people on the train already have to get off to let others off the train because it's too packed for them to get off don't push past those people to get on the train FFS - why should they be punished for their politeness.

Am dreading the Olympics.

Paper - I bet they are the parents of children in playground who either let them climb up slides when children are waiting to go down or let their DCs loiter at the bottom of the slide/sit on it when there's a queue to come down. Oh and the parents who let their DCs run behind/in front of swings - I almost catapulted DS out of the swing on Sunday because a little girl ran in front and I could see she was going to so I grabbed DS's swing to stop it so she was safe which caused DS to cry [felt very guilty] and all I got from the parent lolling behind saying nothing to his DC was evils that I almost let their darling girl be hit by a swing. AAAARGH.

I also hate people who stop dead in the middle of the street with no warning to answer their phone, then stay still and have a chat.

A man did it in front of me today and I was so pissed off I tapped him on the shoulder and said "are you aware you can walk and talk at the same time?"

Tantrums I might change lines and follow in your wake. Have you ever considered carrying a travel klaxon?

I do think a shouty mum in every carriage on the tube would be most effective in the mornings - "Take those shoes off that seat"; "Will the person with the halitosis please see the mint lady at the back of the carriage immediately"; "Move down at the back there I can see at least an inch between the two people in the middle"

It would also be really useful to re-employ the ladies in nightclubs who try and force perfume, deodorant and mints on you for a hefty tip, as tube fragrance monitors who for a small fee will deodorise/smint another offending passenger on your behalf.

Oi wheezo I've never loitered anywhere

I was on a crowded bus when the girl nearest the exit doors got off for a moment to let the people behind her get by. When she stepped back on the driver accused her of faredodging.

I called out nicely that I'd seen what she'd done and he told me it was nothing to do with me. I said if he scanned her Oyster card he might be able to see if she was telling the truth (don't know whether that's possible) and he said: 'What are you? A lawyer? You can get off too.'

No one stood up for us so we slunk off. I complained to Arriva with the time and the bus number and they said it was 'unacceptable'. Like bloody hell it was. Things like that sap your Good Samaritan spirit.

Urgh Mobile phones! DS1 has started saying "The clue is in the name numb nuts" (Numb nuts doesn't come from me btw i'm often not that polite!)

Oh yes. And the school trips who muster in front of the entire rank of tube gates. Yes astonishingly people ARE going to walk through your group of students. What else are they supposed to do? Turn round and go home?

My local tube station only has one route in/out and people constantly look astonished when i want to walk in the direction they're coming from, and are affronted at me for existing. Well, sadly I can't fly or hover so you're just going to have to BLOODY well move aren't you. Just because there are 30 going one way and only a few going the other doesn't mean we can just vanish in a puff of smoke.

Yes some people seem to have absolutely no space awareness or respect for other peoples 'no fly zone' as l call it. It's not just on tubes,trains etc either - it seems rife everywhere,pubs,restaurants,shops,supermarkets etc etc. It is one of my pet hates. It's almost like they are trying to get in the same space you occupy and will just keep pushing into it even if you cant move any further. Spoilt many a journey or good night out cos l get attitude after a few drinks when l end up in an argument with someone about it.

So bloody rude and dont even start me off on shoulder bags - however small and compact why do people think its ok to catch them when they walk past you and nearly dislocate your shoulder or drag you along with them and never apologise. Yeah it might be just my bag but l'm attached to it and so you knock my bag you are knocking me aswell - grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Rant over - ahhhhh that's better.

Can I mention suitcases on wheels? Especially the small ones with extra-long handles that people drag recklessly behind them and trip me up. If you can get it in a bad that small you can fucking carry it, you weakling.

Unless, it's a laptop made of solid lead, of course.

some people have thought of this: the ones who sit in the driver's cab, separated from the sweaty masses, have arranged to get paid extra for ... er ... because it will be so busy.

If I could get extra money I would amicissimma. After all it's TFL that should be sorting this out.

Speaking of TFL, do you still get guards on tubes any more or have they laid them off?

I liked guards, except when the tube was packed and the guard put up his barrier across his section and ignored the baleful looks of the rest of us, of course.

Definitely not U.
I had an appointment for a baby scan and was trying to get off the train and it was difficult because people tried to get on at the same time. So I said: Can you let me get off the fuck...ng train, please?

Blame my crazy pregnancy hormones

Limited - that may well be me soon - 15 years of carrying a laptop and heavy files to and from work in a rucksack appears to have fucked my upper back to the point where my neck will freeze for weeks at a time but I can't really stop lugging what I need to and from work.

Until then I am a rucksack carrying wanker! (we are a particular category of annoyance I know - especially for the shorter tube passengers - which is why I want to get into the aisles where the rucksack can cause less oppression)

OP, you have just mentioned one of my pet hates. (There are several).

I also agree with everybody else about mobile phones, people stopping in the middle of the pavement when you're behind them (and at the bottom of escalators and in shop doorways, you bastards), rucksacks, suitcases on wheels and just about everything you can think of.

Recently I've decided that the thing that annoys me most is when you sit on a bench or seat designed for two or more people, and then someone comes and sits on it REALLY HARD and makes you bounce. Why do they do that? They should be shot.

wheezo shall we try to stay apart?

I'm most often on the Victoria line but occasionally to be found on the Northern and Jubilee. Always in zone 1. Between about 10am-noon mostly.

Actually Smegs you've reminded me - I had to address the bloody amphitheatre semicircle of seemingly astonished onlookers the other day with a baffled "ER, COULD I GET THROUGH PLEASE?" I felt like I ought to juggle for them or something rather than just leaving the train.

I'll be the one standing well back from the edge of the platform because I fear being pitched onto the line by a hulking, backpack-wearing exchange student suddenly whirling round to talk to his equally freakishly-tall friend.

Limited - just for you I will ensure I m off of the jubilee line before 10 - that way we should both be safe

What's the MN secret handshake? Surely we have one a la Freemasons? Offer someone a Pom Bear? That will never work because everyone would take a Pom bear so you'd never know who was the real MNer.

DD and I saw an incident of tube rage a few months ago. We were on the platform, waiting to get on, with several other people. Lots of people got off. When it looked as if everyone had got off, the guy at the front stepped on. However, there was one last straggler getting off and he got really angry, swore at the man who had stepped on and shoved him to the side. Somewhat unnecessary, I felt.

I'm easy to spot

get out the fucking way
its called a mobile phone for a reason
oh yes, I'm sure your conversation about dog food was so urgent you had to stop directly outside the tube barrier, so I physically couldn't get out
yes your bag did hit me in the eye you ignorant wanker

This is what 15 years of rush hour tubes does to a person.

wheezo the re-deployment of the perfume ladies is the best idea anyone has ever ever had.

OP THANK YOU.

This issue bothers me daily. People seem to be able to wait for about 3 seconds and then they just can't do it any more.

I guess it's in the race for seats. No-one wants to be left seatless.

The worst station for it is Kings X.

Ignorant WANKERS.

Oh also, people of the Central Line. "Please move right down inside the carriages" applies to YOU. There are people outside the train who cannot get on because YOU are too selfish to move 3 inches further inside.

Get a life.

Also people who cross the road, take one step onto the pavement then stop leaving you stuck on the road as there are barriers either side of the crossing.

YANBU BTW.

Thanks Nagoo - until then I will continue smearing carmex cherry lip balm (other flavours work equally as well) on the inside of my nostrils every time I get on the tube. Everyone smells of cherry wherever I go. Even if my nose looks a little greasy I just think the positives outweigh the negatives.

YANBU