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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To *hint* to boyfriend that I'll be breaking up with him this weekend?

55 replies

BloodyCrossRoads · 28/06/2012 08:42

So I posted last week about my partner not even bothering to contact me about my exam results - we were supposed to be going out that night to cheer me up/congratulate me yet he never bothered contacting me about that either so I went out with friends, assuming he didn't want to go. He went in a strop and said it was all my fault as I should have contacted him blah blah blah - he has not apologised.
A couple of days later we'd still not physically seen each other and I kept thinking about things - how he's never actually here when I need someone, Christmas, exam results, even stupid things like the England games - we're sat watching them at separate houses despite the fact that we live 10 minutes from one another. All conversation is over facebook or text and we see each other roughly once a week. It's just all a bit shit. So I text him and told him I needed "space". Cliche' but I was too chicken to actually say I wanted to break up. He text me back saying "ok, I'll order you a shuttle haha" wtf?? His social skills are mind boggling.

So anyway, I was due to go to his house this weekend and sleep over. I have cancelled. I have made it blatently obvious that things are not looking good and a split is imminent. He has just text me to ask that since I'm not staying at his house saturday night, could we go for lunch Sunday?

AIBU to text back "yes, we need to talk anyway and I'd rather it be face to face rather than text or facebook this time". He'll know. Because we've had the "we need to talk" thing before when we broke up. This time it will be the true end to everything though.

So yeah, bit long winded but - AIBU to hint at impending break up?

OP posts:
docket · 28/06/2012 08:44

Hmmm, you're not being unreasonable to be fed up with him but why not just agree to meet him and tell him how you feel?

cocolepew · 28/06/2012 08:46

I would just phone him and tell him its over now.

BunnyLebowski · 28/06/2012 08:46

Quit pissing about with passive-aggressive texts/fb hints and just do it fgs.

Meet him on Sunday and finish it.

BloodyCrossRoads · 28/06/2012 08:46

That's what I'm saying - I want to tell him everything about how I feel - but that will also include me telling him that we're just not working out.

OP posts:
MammaTJ · 28/06/2012 08:48

I can't help wondering if you will still finish it if he promises to change.

BloodyCrossRoads · 28/06/2012 08:52

No MammaTJ because it's not just the stuff he does, I've realised I don't actually love him and we have no future. I'm wanting marriage, more kids maybe and he just plods along day by day, despite the fact that he's almost 40 with no ambition or anything. Life is too short.

OP posts:
MammaTJ · 28/06/2012 08:53

So just ring him and tell him it's over. Nothing to be gained from a drawn out meeting.

BloodyCrossRoads · 28/06/2012 08:55

Feel a bit guilty doing it by phone but as our entire relationship seems to live through text messages and facebook - I suppose it's the natural way to end it.

OP posts:
cocolepew · 28/06/2012 08:55

TBH I dont think he would care how you feel.

TeriyakiWoo · 28/06/2012 08:55

Can you do it before Sunday? Over the phone is crap, yes, but if I was about to be ditched I'd want to know sooner rather than later.

mrseffington · 28/06/2012 08:56

So just ring him and tell him it's over. Nothing to be gained from a drawn out meeting.

This.

MammaTJ · 28/06/2012 08:57

I don't think you need to feel guilty, it hardly seems a real relationship anyway.

I don't think that someone who didn't even bother to contact you about exam results genuinely cares about you tbh.

WinkyWinkola · 28/06/2012 08:59

Call him now. He's not bothered so I wouldn't even waste my time explaining why. His lack of interest is glaring you in the face so I'd maintain dignity and bin him today.

xDivAx · 28/06/2012 09:01

What everyone else said!

iknowwho · 28/06/2012 09:02

told him I needed "space". Cliche' but I was too chicken to actually say I wanted to break up. He text me back saying "ok, I'll order you a shuttle haha"

That made me laugh!! Brilliant reply (Ok not the one you were looking for but very funny!)

OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere · 28/06/2012 09:04

Just tell him it's not working and it's over.
Better for both of you.
He doesn't seem very good at taking hints does he?

shrimponastick · 28/06/2012 09:06

I agree with chucking him by phone. Yes, it is nicer to do it in person - but from what you say he doesn't sound as if it would bother him if you did it that way.

There are plenty of nice men who DO give a shit out there.

redwineformethanks · 28/06/2012 09:07

Don't think you need to tell him all the things you don't like about the relationship. It's enough to say you feel it's come to a natural end and wish him well.

Softlysoftly · 28/06/2012 09:20

It's not really a relationship is it, id call and say its done.

valiumredhead · 28/06/2012 09:22

Don't text - just phone him and tell him or wait til you see him.

SoleSource · 28/06/2012 09:27

Why have dinner with him? I do not believe it is the end of your relationship. You cannot change him.

YouOldSlag · 28/06/2012 09:29

If you have decided to dump him, you should tell him NOW, not play bloody mind games with dropping hints and sending text messages etc. I wouldn't like to be treated like that, and I doubt anyone would really.

If you don't like it, pick the phone up, don't drag it out til Sunday for no good reason.

If your relationships is largely via FB and text then you're hardly breaking protocol by just ringing and saying "instead of dragging things out like a slow plotline on Eastenders, I would like to stop seeing you as this is not working for me. Thanks. Bye"

TheProvincialLady · 28/06/2012 09:34

You can hardly complain that your relationship is rubbish and based on facebook and text etc if you can't even ring him and tell him that it's over. Good grief, what a lot of teenage angst about nothing. You're hardly in Brief Encounters territory are you?

geegee888 · 28/06/2012 09:34

i doubt he'd care much, or at least he might for a few days but then it sounds like he'd just amble through life as before...

Theres some things you shouldn't need to drop hints about. In other words, he should know he's being an awful boyfriend, and not giving any of the normal support you would expect from another human being you're close to. If he hasn't worked this out at the age of 40, I doubt theres much hope for him. But for clarity, I would point out to him why he's being dumped by text and not even bother meeting up in person, which is only prolonging it. Make it short and snappy though!

squeakytoy · 28/06/2012 09:35

"our entire relationship seems to live through text messages and facebook"

so why wait till the weekend.. just do it today.

you live 10 minutes from each other and see each other once a week? that isnt a relationship, it doesnt even sound like a close friendship...