Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

AIBU to be offended because DH didn't introduce him to his colleagues?

103 replies

Broodzilla · 27/06/2012 16:55

First ever AIBU, but figured this was as good an occasion as any to test the waters...

My DH is a chef and has been at his current job for about 10 months. Today, for the first time, I went there. I was with our DCs (toddler and newborn) and my DM. DM has been there before, I was curious and DC1 was really excited to see where his Daddy goes every day.

DH saw me as I was waiting to pay. I had a very quick chat, only because I asked if it was OK to take an extra plate for DC1 and give him some of my meal. (This to me is a conversation he might be expected to have with any paying customer...) He said it was fine, said portions are quite big anyway, and went back in the kitchen after waving to DS and DM.

I paid (full price) and went to join the others. We ate, had coffee and left. All in all, we spent 50 minutes there.

DC1 kept asking where his Daddy was, I kept explaining that he was probably busy but would come and say hi in a bit... Only he never did. I texted him to say thanks and bye.

I realize that I shouldn't have promised a toddler something I have no control over, and was sorry he was disappointed.

However, I personally feel hurt that DH didn't introduce us to the people he works with. I didn't expect him to take time to sit down and chat to us, but would've thought that he'd at least just tell the other staff that his family has popped in. Quick hello, no red carpets.

I feel like he's embarrassed by me. He says that I have issues and it's unreasonable to think he should introduce us during a busy work day.

So, MN... AIBU?

OP posts:

takingiteasy · 27/06/2012 20:32

Meant to add that that was whilst I sat in the car like a plum!

Puffinsaresmall · 27/06/2012 20:32

YANBU

"I don't know if I'm interpreting this right but I think I get where the upset's coming from. Not so much the lack of a fanfare, confetti and an excited
"Look look , it's my wife and family everyone come say hello"
but more the 'just a customer' attitude she got.

If I popped in to my DH's work and he basically talked to me like I was some stranger he was giving directions to (especially if I had the nippers with me and had rung/text in advance) I'd have a pair of sulky knickers on too."

This^^ me too.

takingiteasy · 27/06/2012 20:33

Mindyourown - I should bloody well hope so!

takingiteasy · 27/06/2012 20:37

Oh god I just remembered the time I did get introduced to at a work mate. We were 18 and he was an apprentice on a big housing development. I went to meet him at lunch and one thing led to another and we had a quickie in the back of his pretty small van. We jumped out the back just as his gaffer was coming up to the van to see where he was.

ImperialBlether · 27/06/2012 20:40

I would be really upset! You are not a stranger or a customer, so why did he treat you like that?

It is really rude of him.

Some of you, I don't know, you are being so nasty to the OP, expecting her to be happy being treated like a stranger and thinking she's being all precious.

Those of you who said you hadn't met your partner's work friends, have you actually stood a couple of feet away from them and not been introduced?

I'd be upset for my son and also upset that I'd married someone who wasn't friendly and with good manners. It must have been embarrassing.

Oh and surely he should want to show off his kids? He has a newborn and a cute toddler, for god's sake. Why is it acceptable to treat them like strangers?

mirry2 · 27/06/2012 20:43

Did your dh know yu were planning to visit the restaurant?

And have you asked him why he didn't say hello/introduce you to his colleagues?

JustFabulous · 27/06/2012 20:44

YABU and sound a little entitled and precious to be honest.

Why wouldn't you pay full price? If your husband is a chef I don't think the other customers would be happy to wait for their meal while you get showed off.

JustFabulous · 27/06/2012 20:45

He may have told the other staff his family had popped in but no way could they all come out to be introduced!

JustFabulous · 27/06/2012 20:46

Yes, totally irrelevant that you got him the job but you clearly feel like he owes you.

mirry2 · 27/06/2012 20:48

How did you get him the job? Are youn related to the owner or do you work in an employment agency?

Shullbit · 27/06/2012 20:50

Actually, yes, I have been rather close to my DP's work colleagues.

So much so, I was an inch from running them over when going to collect DP and the car slid on black ice so they definitely know who I am after that!!

Mindyourownbusiness · 27/06/2012 20:51

Am certain of it taking.

We should have our own series 'Builders Wives' instead of 'Footballers Wives' - dont know about your DH but mine has me howling with some of his tales from work.

The best compliment l ever got was one of the men walking into DHs cabin looking me up and down and saying

'Fuck me 'DHsNickname' How did ya manage that?'

I know - very sad.

JustFabulous · 27/06/2012 20:56

MYOB -

WHen I was 19 much younger my fella was 35 and his work mates were a bit that he had me.

Mindyourownbusiness · 27/06/2012 21:26

@ Justfabulous

But best bit was I am same age as DH but always pass for younger as DH has been completely grey with a bit of a beer belly since his early forties and so would l have been but for hair dye and control panties . But this bloke thought DH had got himself a bit of younger stuff.

mayorquimby · 27/06/2012 21:34

Completely unreasonable

McHappyPants2012 · 27/06/2012 21:37

Hope I wasn't being nasty.

I really don't want my dh or dc at my works.

takingiteasy · 27/06/2012 23:04

Mindyourown I caught my dh eyeing me up one day on site he got a fright when he realised it was my bum he'd been eyeing from the scaffolding.

Condensedmilk · 28/06/2012 04:12

Yanbu. I would have been offended too.

SquidgyBiscuits · 28/06/2012 04:27

I work in hotels and sometimes go to eat in our restaurants with DH. Its never crossed my mind to go around introducing him to everyone.

To be quite blunt, his colleagues probably don't care who you are, unless they are friends with your DH.

If any of my family or friends made a point of saying they'd paid full price in our restaurants I'd be a bit pissed off too as it does spud as though you were expecting to pay less.

I will rather tend to spend time having a chat with regular customers than my family or friends. My DH wouldn't dream of calling in to my place of work and expecting me to put my work to one side to fawn over him.

Thumbwitch · 28/06/2012 04:45

I think, re introducing you to his colleagues, YAprobably B a bit U. Re him not coming to say hi to his DS though - YANBU at all. If he was popping in and out of the kitchen, he could easily have said "I'll take this out, just want to say hi to my toddler" and taken a minute to do it.

Graciescotland · 28/06/2012 04:46

Chefs are really busy so it's unlikely he could have introduced to colleagues mid-shift but I'd of expected him to mention it to the staff member serving you who'd then of introduced themselves/ made a bit of a fuss.

If you want to meet colleagues I'd go in at the end of service.

oldnewmummy · 28/06/2012 05:27

I'd be a bit miffed too - wouldn't expect a big formal introduction, but would expect a peck on the cheek before he went back to work.

This has got my mind wandering to an occasion a few years ago where my husband invited him to go for a drink with some contacts. I didn't really want to go, but he wanted me to go as his excuse for not going to girlie bars with them afterwards. They were horrified when I turned up, as in their culture you really do not drag your wife along as this "entertainment" is expected. They thought my husband was a bit culturally stupid, but it got him out of the situation nicely.

JumpingThroughHoops · 28/06/2012 05:58

(Also, I got him the job, but suppose that's irrelevant)

Did you want him to be grateful? Were you subconsciously checking up on him?

The fact you got him the job is the axe you are grinding. You might not realise it, but it is.

Dprince · 28/06/2012 06:26

Look working in hospitality is completely different to any examples the OP has given. She ASKED a question like a customer he responded to her like one. Simple. Not every manager likes peoples friends and family coming in.
Also unless they are good friends no one actually cares who you. Sorry to be blunt. But that's why I said it was weird up thread. There were staff around but not in the immediate area. You expect him to interior and introduce you to people are really that fussed.
And no the fact that you got him the job has nothing to do with it. Not sure why it would.
Imo its not appropriate to turn up to anyones work and expect a certain reaction. You have no idea what's going on in the background.

MamaMumra · 28/06/2012 10:44

I think yanbu especially if you did feel snubbed. Didn't want you to think that no one agreed with you. I'd be pissed off, especially regarding your DS!

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Swipe left for the next trending thread