To wonder if I'm 'genderizing' my DD properly

[MrsBramStoker]

Had a playdate with some daughters and mums from my DD's montessori last week. The DDs are all aged about 4.5 and due to start school in Sept.

I collected my DD after montessori before the play date meeting at the playground, to give her a snack/lunch before we went out. My DD changed into her 'Real madrid' top and shorts - basically her granddad is a Real fan and got it for her when she was about 2. It still fits her as DD is on the petite side. She said she wanted to dress for 'the climbing frame' and also wanted to show off her football top to the other girls (bless!). She's very active/quite sporty and got top of her class in gymnastics so loves climbing, etc.

Usually we have a row about what clothes she wears as she often likes to dress in tracksuit bottoms/t-shirts, etc. Not that I want her to wear dresses, but from a practical point of view, I want her to wear the skirts/dresses she has before she grows out of them! But that particular day, I was tired from work/minding my DSs (2 year old twins) and thought 'what the hell'.

When we arrived, one of the other mother's commented on the way she was dressed - asking 'is she a real tomboy' and when DD climbed way ahead to the top of the climbing frame she said 'oh look at her the mad thing! She means all business the way she's dressed'. She again laughed and commented on how active she was and 'crazy' for climbing so high! (note - girls should be teetering at the bottom of the climbing frame and should know their place!

I know it was only words, but it was the way it was said. One of the other mothers asked me where Emma got her football top, etc.

The other girls are quite 'girlie', wearing lovely dresses. Part of me was defending her saying it was great she's so active, etc. The other half of me is a bit worried that she won't fit in, esp in school, as may not play well with the girls.

Currently in her montessori, she DOES play with the girls but prefers hanging out with the boys, according to her montessori teacher.
At home, she likes to dress up in the twins boys clothes. She does play with dolls, tea party but much prefers climbing/being outside/active games.

Was chatting to a work colleague about it and she thinks the worst thing I could do it make her 'wear pink' to fit in. I know I can't anyway but I think she's a wonderful little girl, her own person, really active and bright.

But I just felt the other mother's at the playgroup had raised eyebrows.....Should I force her to be more 'girlie'?

does she go to a montessori?

I can't really understand what the problem is and yes I did read it properly.

It is great that she is so active and not wanting to fit in with the girls. I should not worry, the comments say more about the person who said them rather than about your little girl. My DD was and still is like this, but she is now very girls too. They can do both.

You are over thinking what seems to be general chit chat.

Curious as to how you would "genderize" a child correctly. They are what they are!!

You're way over-thinking this. She sounds lovely - let her do what she wants, wear what she wants. Sell the pretty dresses, and buy her a Barcelona top.

I'm getting the feeling there's something you'd like us to know OP. Could it be - no - it couldn't be - could it? Is it that she goes ..........nah, can't be!

She sounds much more fun than some of the precious little pink princesses around. Leave her as she is!

Farty

I have the opposite problem. My boys like to play with dolls, DS2 even likes to stomp around in my high-heels.

But then again they don't go to montessori so maybe it's ok?

Don't really get this I'm afraid.

WTF would anyone want to 'genderize' their child?

I simply don't think that anyone trading under the name of MrsBramStoker can be so hidebound by conventions, to not be happy if your child has her own character and preferences.

No of course, you shouldn't (and probably couldn't) force her to be more 'girlie' - I think (sincerely hope!) you know this and are just looking for confirmation that your work colleague is right and the other mother was being a trifle airheaded.

You can't force a girl to be more girly. Just encourage her to be herself and have the strength of character to be whatever she is.

Teaching to conform, isn't a good thing.

Basically OP, what you're asking is....

"AIBU to let my kid wear shorts and t.shirt to the park"

YANBU

And not a Montessori in sight

Don't worry and don't row with her about what she wears. Nevermind if a few dresses and skirts don't get worn. Pass them on the charity shop.

no point trying to force her to be something she is not. i suspect the other mothers have been reading too much peter and jane and have been brainwashed into thinking that girls can only stand and watch.

climbing trees, crawling under floor boards, playing armies, building dens, are much more fun than sitting in someones room and painting your toe nails. not football though, i hate football

DS went through a stage where pink was his favourite colour. DH was quite concerned (he's a bloke's bloke). I couldn't have cared less. DH wanted me to 'make him have another favourite colour' . I refused.

DS now is at school, is much more traditionally 'boyish' and thinks girls are 'yukky' (unless its our next door neighbour and then he loves to play mums and dads with her).

The point being a) I couldn't care less what ds's favourite colour is b) 'genderising' him has never occurred to me (please don't use a z unless you're American) and c) most children conform to a greater or lesser extent eventually.

So yes. YABU.

Not that I'm saying conforming is the desirable state...

What's a montessori? What's genderize? Is it like tenderize? In that case YABU, you shouldn't tenderize your child.

It's got nothing to do with standing and watching.

The kids are only 4

Maybe the other girls were afraid to climb so high, what with not being 'top of the class' in gymnastics and all that....

I have a 4.5 year old daughter, I'm just grateful she wears any clothes at all She likes to run around in her pants most of the time, apparently clothes slow her down!

please don't use a z unless you're American

I couldn't have put that better myself

Don't buy dresses if she doesn't want to wear them. No waste that way.