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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or selfish here?

65 replies

3teenhell · 25/06/2012 19:39

Me and DP have taken our 4 kids away twice this year. Once at easter in uk and June half term to spain.
Now me and DP are planning a week away on our own in september.
My dad will stay at my house for the week and look after my DC.

DP today has come home and said that he has been told we are selfish for going away without them.
I don't think we are, the fact is we couldn't afford to take them again, it costs a fortune to take all six of us.

Me and DP have only been together for 18 months and always have our kids mine all the time, his every wknd so time alone is minimal.

So come are we selfish?

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 25/06/2012 19:41

Why are you asking us?

Who said it to your DP and what did he say to them?

TheMonster · 25/06/2012 19:41

Yes it's selfish.

Original poster
3teenhell · 25/06/2012 19:43

Just wondered what others thought! It was someone he works with, who i don't really know very well. He told him that he thought we deserved a bit of time alone. I did too but got me wondering now!

OP posts:
candr · 25/06/2012 19:43

Depends how old they are and whether your dad and kids will be happy and cope well without you. Being a parent means you loose that time alone but share it as a family.

lovebunny · 25/06/2012 19:44

being a parent doesn't mean you're never entitled to time alone.

TheFarSide · 25/06/2012 19:45

YANBU. Sounds like your kids will be in safe hands so you should go and enjoy your week away.

IawnCont · 25/06/2012 19:45

Depends what you mean when you say you can't afford to take the whole family.
Does that mean that you're using the little money you have to take a holiday without your children? What happens if the boiler or car breaks down?

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 25/06/2012 19:45

Not at all.
They've had 2 holidays already.
In September they will most likely be back at school.

You need some time on your own.

Spoil them when you get back.

When you've been away is it all the DC you take (his and yours?)
What ages?

EclecticShock · 25/06/2012 19:46

Not selfish at all.

WorraLiberty · 25/06/2012 19:46

As long as your Dad can look after them properly and they're not likely to have any problems settling into school, no of course you're not being selfish.

Original poster
3teenhell · 25/06/2012 19:46

My DC are 12upwards and they love spending time with my dad. No question he can cope, he has had to when they were younger and i was in hospital. I wouldn't even consider it if he couldn't

OP posts:
TantrumsAndBalloons · 25/06/2012 19:47

Last time I checked, being a parent did not equal never doing anything alone.

Me and DH go on holiday without the DCs because we like to spend time together, being a parent does not mean you stop being a person.

Dprince · 25/06/2012 19:47

Well me and dg have had one night away, alone in 8 years.
Imo its not exactly selfish but I wouldn't do it. If I go away I would feel like I am leaving the kids out, I want them to have the experiences with us. Together as a family. Me and dh both feel like this. When we have kids, extended time alone was in short supply until they are grown.

Original poster
3teenhell · 25/06/2012 19:47

Ues we took his and my DC. Ages are 6 (his) 12,13 and 14

OP posts:
Original poster
3teenhell · 25/06/2012 19:48

Tantrums thats what i think and really we are still getting to know each other so time on our own is needed

OP posts:
CamperFan · 25/06/2012 19:49

Well, presumably you are being selfish in that you want to spend time alone? But that's not a bad thing! If you have family to look after the children and you are all happy, then do it.

MangoHedgehog · 25/06/2012 19:49

Of course it's not selfish. Ignore judgy people trying to lay on the guilts and enjoy a week off. As long as your DCs are fine - and they will be by the sounds of it - then there is nothing to feel guilty about.

CharltonHairstyle · 25/06/2012 19:50

No! Go...enjoy yourself Smile

KellyElly · 25/06/2012 19:51

Of course not. You deserve grown up time. Enjoy the break x

AngelWreakinHavoc · 25/06/2012 19:51

Not Selfish at all! I have been to las vegas for the last 2 yrs and not took kids (not a place for kids anyway) but they have had seperate holidays. I have a caravan which I take them to every other weekend and the weekends they dont go are with their dad so I go on my own with my dp. Parents need a holiday too :)

zookeeper · 25/06/2012 19:52

not selfish at all. On the contrary, I think it's a good lesson for your dcs to realise that, much loved as I am sure they are, they are not the centre of your universe 365 days a year.

DashingRedhead · 25/06/2012 19:53

YANBU. They're probably just jealous!

Original poster
3teenhell · 25/06/2012 19:55

Thank you makes me feel better that others don't think its that bad! I would never go if my kids were unhappy about it or not well cared for!

OP posts:
solidgoldbrass · 25/06/2012 19:55

WHo cares what this buckethead thinks? S/he is either a whining martyr of a parent (whose kids will be only too keen to get away from the stifling family home when they are old enough), or someone who doesn't actually have kids at all.

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 25/06/2012 19:56

Who cares if it is selfish? If its what works for your family (& it sounds like it does) then its surely fine?

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