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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu? To not let sons ex stay the night?

66 replies

ThatVikRinA22 · 24/06/2012 20:51

He just burst in saying his ex gf has no where to stay the night. I've offered ti drive her home nut I've no spare room, I've just finished nights and had Only 2 hours sleep, dh is up for work at 2am so she can't stay on sofa.... I would be happy to drive her to her home town , but because I've said it's highly impractical for her to stay he has told me to fuck off and stormed out..... I couldn't even have a proper conversation as I was in bath! I've txt to say come home and discuss it.... No reply. I'd hate for her ti have no where to go....but I'm also sick of him telling me to fuck off if he doesn't get his own way. He has special needs and is 20. Have I been unreasonable? I have no where for her to sleep! If gladly drive her home though.....

OP posts:

Socknickingpixie · 24/06/2012 20:54

how far away does she live?

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 24/06/2012 20:55

YANBU

squeakytoy · 24/06/2012 20:55

can she have his room and he sleep on the sofa? or on his own bedroom floor?

HecateAdonaea · 24/06/2012 20:56

Let him sulk it off. You haven't been unreasonable. You can't let him strop until he gets his own way, it isn't doing him any favours. The rest of the world isn't going to bend to his will or take kindly to being told to fuck off.

Plus he has to know that he cannot swear at you. He has to show a little blasted respect!

That said, I would have chucked a quilt at her and told her to sleep in his bed and he could take the floor and they'd better not make a sound! but that wasn't the choice you wanted to make and you didn't have to!

Groovee · 24/06/2012 20:57

Its your home, you can say no if you want x

HecateAdonaea · 24/06/2012 20:57

Oh - but I certainly wouldn't be changing my mind now, after having been sworn at! That would make me dig my heels in

NervousAt20 · 24/06/2012 20:57

YANBU

ThisIsAUsername · 24/06/2012 20:58

YANBU. Why does she have nowhere to stay at this time of night? And why can't she get home herself? Assuming she is of a similar age to your DS these are things she should be able to sort out herself.

Kind of you to offer to drive her home, though.

Paiviaso · 24/06/2012 21:03

YANBU.

GrahamTribe · 24/06/2012 21:04

YANBU. DSS would be warned that he may not have a home for much longer if he spoke to me like that too!

Original poster

ThatVikRinA22 · 24/06/2012 21:05

she is 16 or 17 i think, she lives about a 40 minute drive away, and i would happily be the taxi.

he did not even wait for me to get out of the bath to discuss it - he just stormed off after swearing at me.

they are not sharing a room, (for good reason) and his room is in squalor because i refuse to go in and muck it out anymore - it is just a box room and furniture is built in so no room on floor.

i didnt even know where he was until he burst in - he had said he was nipping to the shop and came home about 3 hours later....

we had a discussion about him swearing at me last week - and now back to square one.

its just i cant bear to think of her having no where to go.....genuinely if we had a spare room id happily let her stay, but we dont, and ive to be up with DD in morning for school, and then out to a meeting at school.....i dont understand why he just couldnt let me drive her home.

she was meant to be staying with a pal who has let her down or something...

OP posts:

squeakytoy · 24/06/2012 21:07

so let him stay on the sofa and she will have to put up with the tip that is his room.. is she there now or has she stomped off with him? if so perhaps they have gone to find a bus or a train or something

HecateAdonaea · 24/06/2012 21:08

He could have let you drive her home. He's got the mardys on because he didn't get his own way. Let him get on with it.

Because of him, she will be god knows where tonight instead of having a lift back to her home town.

Do you have a number for her so you can call her and offer to drive her? she should have the choice, if you are willing to drive her.

Original poster

ThatVikRinA22 · 24/06/2012 21:11

she went off with him....and he is not answering his phone. i dont have a number for her.

OP posts:

diddl · 24/06/2012 21:11

Why has she got nowhere to stay tonight??

What about where she usually lives?

Original poster

ThatVikRinA22 · 24/06/2012 21:14

ive left a msg on his answer phone saying she should have the choice and i dont mind driving her home.

ive also said i am going to bed soon and the door will be locked.

god knows where they are now. im sick of it.

OP posts:

vodkaandcaviar · 24/06/2012 21:14

Doesn't she have parents of her own who're concerned about her? I'd be driving her home if I were you. Can you speak to her about it rather than your son? Just say nicely that you're really sorry but you don't have the space for her to stay but will gladly drive her home.

Original poster

ThatVikRinA22 · 24/06/2012 21:15

she usually lives about 40 mins away. she was supposed to bestaying with her friend who has let her down and stayed somewhere else.
or something.

OP posts:

Original poster

ThatVikRinA22 · 24/06/2012 21:17

i was in the bath - i couldnt leap out and speak to her, and now she has gone off with him to wherr ever?? ive left a msg on his phone to say give her the choice of being driven home, and ive said come home and discuss it like an adult.

i didnt see her. he just came running upstairs and shouting through the door of the bathroom.

OP posts:

ImperialBlether · 24/06/2012 21:18

I think you've done enough, tbh. He was incredibly rude and now seems to be blaming you for everything. Don't send any more texts. It's up to him to ask nicely if he wants her to have a lift.

FeakAndWeeble · 24/06/2012 21:37

Hi Vic. No, YWBU. You've made the offer which he can either choose to put to her or not. She's not your responsibility; presumably she has parents of her own, or someone, to worry about her? You have enough on your plate.

I second what someone else said further up, too: once he's told you to eff off there's no way you can back down...

diddl · 24/06/2012 21:41

Can you contact her parents to sort it out?

Original poster

ThatVikRinA22 · 24/06/2012 21:44

do you ever wonder why the flaming hell you bothered?

no reply from him. so he will now be out for the night too, and DD has just walked past with 2 new piercings in her ears which she just informed me she did herself.....

like i am some tyrant who would have said 'no' if she had asked or something....i paid £30 for the first piercings and now she just goes and does it herself with a rusty needle and some old earings.....

i want to SCREAMMMMMMMMMM. i want a glass of but knowing DS he will come crawling back at midnight asking for a lift for the lass.....

OP posts:

Original poster

ThatVikRinA22 · 24/06/2012 21:46

diddl - i dont even know where he parents are anymore - they split up and went their separate ways - else i would have done that first. i just know that her mum lives in leeds and she stays there most of the time with her.

OP posts:

diddl · 24/06/2012 21:50

I understand why you´re pissed off with your son, but I would feel a responsibility to make sure she was safe tonight-which you obviously do.

But if the phone isn´t being answered, what can you do?

What a shame she stropped off with him rather than talk to you!

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