Aibu? To not let sons ex stay the night?

[ThatVikRinA22]

He just burst in saying his ex gf has no where to stay the night. I've offered ti drive her home nut I've no spare room, I've just finished nights and had Only 2 hours sleep, dh is up for work at 2am so she can't stay on sofa.... I would be happy to drive her to her home town , but because I've said it's highly impractical for her to stay he has told me to fuck off and stormed out..... I couldn't even have a proper conversation as I was in bath! I've txt to say come home and discuss it.... No reply. I'd hate for her ti have no where to go....but I'm also sick of him telling me to fuck off if he doesn't get his own way. He has special needs and is 20. Have I been unreasonable? I have no where for her to sleep! If gladly drive her home though.....

well. thats it.
hes gone. i asked him to clean the toilet that he had used and left in a mess, and he told me yet again to 'fuck off.'
he then denied it and denied it but i heard it and so did DD.
ive asked him to leave and find somewhere else to stay, and he has packed a rucksack and left, no underwear, no clothes, just his laptop.

so. what now then? ive got social services number. will they house him?

oh love, that must have been hard for you, but fwiw I think you've done the right thing.

I don't know about SS I'm afraid, maybe someone will be along soon who can help more than I can x

vicar I have followed your threads about your son and I must say you're a stronger lady than me. I don't understand SN but I think you are marvellous, please start putting yourself first cause you're going to burn yourself out, have some

Also some

Oh Vicar. You have so much endurance I am in awe of how you have carried on and carried on.

You really have done your best. Unfortunately you are damned if you do and damned if you don't.

No advise I have no clue how hard it is for you.

Just /hugs

Vicar

You have coped marvelously for so long. I know your son has SN but it is still not acceptable for him to treat you like this.

I wish I knew the right thing to say because I'm sure this is incredibly hard for you.

(((Hugs)))

it is hard. i felt i had no choice as i had warned him already that if he swore at me again i would ask him to leave.

backed myself into a corner really. Felt i couldnt back down and had to mean what i said.

no word from him. im up v early in the morning, and away to work early. He has been sneaking out in the night again anway - i foumd the patio doors open this morning and i knew i had locked them last night.

id better check my bank again....

Oh no

How does he access your bank vicar?

Normally I would say you should report him to the police, but I'm aware of your profession and also his SN, which IIRC doesn't really make him aware of the consequences of his actions?

Thinking of you Vicar .Keep strong x

i normally sleep with my bank card but i left it in my purse in my bag last night.

i will check, though he would be an idiot to have tried it again....we are onto the 3rd strike....if he ever does that again i will report him. he knows this and so i have to assume that he knows the consequences if he ever tries that again...

If she's his ex he needs to emotionally disentangle himself from her. He shouldn't be hanging out with her until it's too late for her to go home. I think making it clear that staying with you isn't an option is a good thing, if he has special needs she may be taking advantage of him.

you have said no now dont give in drive her home yanbu I know he has SN but you really cant let her stay now he has had a strop imo

oh mrsjay.....its gone a bit beyond the op....

he has gone. no word so far. but i am sick sick sick of being sworn at.....im going to bed soon.

aw no sorry i didnt read on poor you i dont blame you you dont deserve being treated like that

He has got all his stuff while I've been at work today. Uv RBI idea where he has gone, he isn't answering texts or calls. So it looks like it's a case of "thanks fir the last 20 years but now you can fuck off" so that's that. I bet he will use this as SN excuse to not go to uni. He will get into more debt.

He has to learn the hard way OP. You have the patience of a saint OP, but even saints have only so much patience. You'll probably need to inform SS that you've asked your DS to leave the house because of his behaviour toward you.

yes, i should inform them. i dont know where he is though....thats getting to me. He must know this hurts me, but he doesnt care. I had arranged an assessment of his needs, if he doesnt come back i will text him the number so he can arrange it for himself.

i actually thought he would just come home, tail between legs today - but he hasnt. he has collected another computer and his toothbrush and i think he might have taken some (but not many) clothes.

so its see ya mum. now literally fuck off.....its great. marvellous. 20 years i have given him, and for what? to be spoken to and treated like something he has stepped in.

he did answer my last text, he blames me for working full time. how sodding typically aspergers - he can lay in bed all day, steal from me, abuse me, and still want feeding and clothing, but i cant work full time because according to him im more stressed.....
id laugh - but im too busy crying. DH thinks im stupid.