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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be feeling a bit stuck?

67 replies

extremepie · 24/06/2012 19:57

We are currently babysitting DF's son, who I will call X for this thread!

X recently got temporarily excluded from school and so we are watching him for the next week while DF is at work during the day as he and his ex both work full time.

I really don't like X, Ihave posted about problems I've had with him before and his constant presence in our house is really stressing me out! As he is supposed to be off school as a punishment, we are under instructions from DF to ensure he does no fun stuff like watching tv or playing with our DS'.

Trouble is DS1 really likes X and is getting really upset because X is not allowed to play with him. Its also getting on my nerves that I can't take my own kids out anywhere fun, like the park, because X isn't supposed to be having any fun!

Basically I'm just really fed up of dealing with X - he isn't my son or my problem but his dad is DH's best friend and if we don't watch him he has nowhere else to go :(
What do I do?

OP posts:
izzyizin · 24/06/2012 20:19

There are 2 issues here:

  1. It's wholly unreasonable for his dps to expect you to punish x at the expense of your own blamelesss dcs enjoyment. Tell them that this isn't going to happen and give them the option of making other arrangements for x's care next week, otherwise you'll be including him in whatever fun and games your dc engage in.
  1. I'm sure you have good reason for your feelings and that you take steps to hide them but, nevertheless, spending prolonged periods of time with an adult who doesn't like him, or feels stressed around him, is unlikely to ameliorate the behaviour that got x excluded from school..
letseatgrandma · 24/06/2012 20:21

That's nice of your DH to offer on your behalf! I'm afraid I would have said no-it's not your responsibility to ensure someone else's child has no fun for a week; either the mum or the dad needs to take time off work, it should inconvenience them and not you.

curiositykitten · 24/06/2012 20:23

I can't get past the first couple of lines. A parent does not BABYSIT his own child!!

JumpingThroughHoops · 24/06/2012 20:23

School should send work through for the term of the exclusion.

letseatgrandma · 24/06/2012 20:28

I can't get past the first couple of lines. A parent does not BABYSIT his own child!!

It isn't their own child!

browneyesblue · 24/06/2012 20:28

curiositykitten I read it as a friend's son, not the OP's husband's son.

OP - tell them it is not convenient, and that they have to make their own arrangements.

Don't apologise.

nilbyname · 24/06/2012 20:31

tell your friend no.

curiositykitten · 24/06/2012 20:35

Is DF not dear fiance?

If not, I apologise.

lovebunny · 24/06/2012 20:36

if its your friend's son say no. if its your partner's son, get rid of them both.

Original poster
extremepie · 24/06/2012 20:36

I'm confused by your comment curiosity, X isn't my child, we are babysitting him as a favour to DF.

I try my best not to let X realise that I don't like him and I and not going to tell DF that we can't watch his son because I don't like him!

DF can't afford to take a whole week off work and X's mother is not much help, she won't even take a day off work as she claims she would get fired if she did.

I have printed out some worksheets myself for X to keep him occupied but the school have sent nothing at all.

I think DF sort of expects X to sit in a chair and do nothing for a week which is obviously not going to happen!

OP posts:
BlackholesAndRevelations · 24/06/2012 20:38

Dear friend?

Original poster
extremepie · 24/06/2012 20:38

Sorry yes it is a friends son, didn't think about the 'other' meaning of DF!

OP posts:
BlackholesAndRevelations · 24/06/2012 20:38

Ps YANBU and they are taking the Mick. How old is x?

nilbyname · 24/06/2012 20:43

You need to say no.

Get up, look in the mirror, and say No.

"No. I cannot look after X. No. Go to the school and tell them what is going on."

curiositykitten · 24/06/2012 20:43

Sorry, misunderstanding there :)

Tell your friend it's interfering with your family and to take a hike.

izzyizin · 24/06/2012 20:47

Their son, their problem.

Are they paying you for providing a week's childcare for their ds? If not, they are taking the proverbial bigtime.

Original poster
extremepie · 24/06/2012 20:47

He is 12 so the 'educational' stuff I have at home isn't really age appropriate since my DS's are 5 & 4!

Thing is, we've already said yes as DF had to phone me from work and ask if it was ok - being put on the spot I said yes as I know there isn't anyone else who can watch him.

I suppose it's only another 5 days now but the whole situation is making me :(
We've been asked to watch him over the summer too and that is making me even more stressed to be honest! I don't want him for 6 weeks!
But that's another issue I suppose..

OP posts:
DeckSwabber · 24/06/2012 20:49

I think you are being very generous having X in these circumstances. Not an easy situation at all.

Could you ask dear friends to

  • liaise with the school about organising some work for him/setting some work themselves (handwriting practice?)
  • agreeing that X does something to help you out as well, like preparing lunch, hoovering, reading with younger ones, washing the car...

If they don't help you to help them, you could say you'll see how it goes and reserve the right to say no if it doesn't work out.

nilbyname · 24/06/2012 20:50

Just so we are quite clear here op you are permitting this situation to happen and you, only you, can change it. You are choosing not to. So the point of this thread was to........?

Don't short change X and your kids in this way.

squeakytoy · 24/06/2012 20:53

just say NO

I initially thought DF was your father.. which made it confusing to read.. lol!

quoteunquote · 24/06/2012 20:54

your house, your rules,

if they want to discipline their son, then they need to be there to do it,

sounds like the parent(s) aren't taking responsibility for their child, the child needs one to one parenting,

Inform the parents they need to go part time, and share the responsibility of getting their child back on track.

DeckSwabber · 24/06/2012 20:57

... I also think you should not feel bad about taking the children to the park etc as you would normally do. Presumably your children are at school so anything you do after school is also 'after school' for x.

camgirl · 24/06/2012 20:59

I think that you are not in fact doing the family a favour at all.

The child is seriously off the rails, excluded from school, and neither parent can manage to give him any time at all? Frankly I wouldn't be surprised if all this is a desperate plea for attention on the child's behalf. Do you think this might be the case? From what you know of them does it sound likely?

They seem to be leaving you with their 'problem' and not addressing it or even really acknowledging it at all.

letseatgrandma · 24/06/2012 21:01

'only another 5 days' ???

How many days have you had him already?!

Have you actually agreed to have him for the 6 week holiday; I think you are being a doormat if you have. This is not your problem-they are using you as free childcare and you are letting them.

DeckSwabber · 24/06/2012 21:04

Six weeks in the summer is definitely too much as well. For you and your own children and for X.

A few days here and there, maybe.