AIBU to be worried about engagement rings?

[Keraxy]

I'm a bit worried about what it might look like. I have a very clear idea about what I'd like and, however much I love my DP, his taste is shocking. I don't want to end up with a stinker of a ring- in the nicest possible way!- for the rest of my life.

It seems overly presumptuous to tell him directly what sort of ring I'd like seeing as he hasn't proposed whilst sober but I want to steer him!

I know I should love his choice etc but AIBU to worry I might end up wearing a piece of crap for the rest of my life?!

Incidentally, I'm not fussed about its monetary worth. He's talking about 6 weeks' wages, which is 'apparently' standard. I don't care how much it costs as long as it's pretty!

Hmm. I'd make it quite clear that you want the fun experience of going to choose it with him. Dinner etc. ?

6 weeks wages is a view propagated by jewellers' shops.

I agree. We went to choose together. I would hint strongly about looking forward to choosing it.

Yanbu I love my engagment ring, tiny stone with patterns on the ring itself.

I would of hated a big diamond and wouldn't of wore it unless I went to a restaurant

YANBU.

I stood in front of a few jewellers' windows with DH pointing at ones I liked before he proposed, and he got one I liked that was completely the wrong size, but hey.

Although he proposed in New York and it would have been so cool to go and choose my ring at Tiffany. Ah well, in the next life!

My engagement ring was 200 pounds. dP had put a deposit down on a 1000 ring and just by chance a friend got engaged and i had said "the ring was one of those big sticky out stones efforts and cost 800 quid I'd never wear anything like that" dp asked why and I told him I would be terrified of losing it and that I preferred understated things and I'd have to take it off constantly incase I caught any of my clients skin. I had no idea he was going to propose so he quickly changed the ring

Mine is a white gold band with a row of inset stones. I love it.

We had it made. DH helped choose the stone.

Propose to him!

6 weeks? tight wad. 3 months more like

YANBU at all! DP was under very strict instructions to go nowhere near a jewellers without me. I would have been quite happy with (and rather liked) one of the cheapish titanium rings we saw, and only ended up with something a bit more expensive because they had it in my size straight off. It's lovely and it's very much what I would normally wear but a teeny bit more sparkly. Two weeks' salary rather than six though!

Yanbu

Just tell him in a sort of wistful way that when you get engaged to 'someone' you would, of course, want to chose the ring yourself. And don't you think picking the ring for the girl is just a bit thoughtless and tacky these days darling?

6 weeks wages is quite a lot for an engagement ring I would have thought, mine was more like 2 weeks wages, and I think deep down that was probably too much to spend but I suppose its all relative...

Looks down at custom made ring I designed myself and smiles with relief that it's nice given that it never leaves my finger

Choosing together is a good option.

My DH asked for advice looooong before he proposed, prompted by me saying I didn't like a friend's ring. I made him a 'look book' with a few styles, and I love, love, love the ring he chose.

I also know someone who made her fiancé change her ring, though

I picked and paid for my engagement ring myself....I walked past a jewellers, saw it in the window it was perfect and what I wanted. I didn't put it on, I told him that night that I'd found the perfect ring and got it, gave it to him and I had a second 'surprise' proposal. Cost me £35

Jumping that is in America. Here a month is more usual.

I had always wanted a trilogy ring and thought I had hinted often enough. I also wanted platinum because of the weight.

I ended up with a beautiful solitaire (very substantial :)) made of white gold. He had it made in Hatton Garden to his design. Do you know,once it was on my finger I didn't care it wasn't a trilogy and offered to get it reset in platinum - I told him as he chose it I wouldn't change it as it is so lovely!!

We chose mine together. It was £69 and I love it. It is a small diamond set on white gold. Small but perfectly formed.
His engagement ring on the other hand was £120.

6 weeks wages could be better spent IMO than on a piece of jewellry.
It is the meaning behind it that matters.

Having looked at options online, I know I want a sapphire ring but it has to be the right shade of blue! I'm sure he could buy me a nice diamond ring, but I want something a bit more unusual.

He tends to throw money at things and think that that makes them inherently better. 6 weeks' wages is nearly £4k to him. I don't need a £4k ring! I'm not too anti Elizabeth Duke at Argos, but it has to be pretty!

Really? oh my. But I suppose I am very old and got engaged/married when Britain was more affluent.

3 months wages? My wedding only cost 6 weeks wages!

The 1/2/3 months salary is not a 'tradition' - it's a DeBeers advertising campaign form the 1980s.

If you don't think you will get the opportunity to choose it together, how about talking about an imaginary friend/colleague who has just got engaged and has the most divine ring........and go on to exactly describe your divine ring.

I thought it was a month's salary. ...

My DH was going to buy a ring - you're not properly engaged without out - but I am glad he didn't, we chose it together in the end. No mean feat for a man who hates shopping soooo much!

How saying/emailing?

"Look at this article DP, the minimum spend is just made up by De Beers. Having read the article, getting a bloke to choose such an important piece of jewellery sounds like a nightmare, I definitely think the way forward is choosing together www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2002/feb/13/shopping.familyandrelationships1 "

Just tell the poor bastard that you're not fussed about how much the ring costs but you'd like to choose it with him, he's not a mind reader I'm afraid. Unless you're going out with Derren Brown?