AIBU to be worried about engagement rings?

[Keraxy]

I'm a bit worried about what it might look like. I have a very clear idea about what I'd like and, however much I love my DP, his taste is shocking. I don't want to end up with a stinker of a ring- in the nicest possible way!- for the rest of my life.

It seems overly presumptuous to tell him directly what sort of ring I'd like seeing as he hasn't proposed whilst sober but I want to steer him!

I know I should love his choice etc but AIBU to worry I might end up wearing a piece of crap for the rest of my life?!

Incidentally, I'm not fussed about its monetary worth. He's talking about 6 weeks' wages, which is 'apparently' standard. I don't care how much it costs as long as it's pretty!

I would invent a colleague "who's just got engaged with the most hideous ring, she's really upset, she didn't want to say 'no' but she can't stand the ring and now is expected to wear it every day for the rest of her life - fancy having to wear something you hate every day! So she's planning on waiting until the wedding and then just wearing the wedding ring, and isn't it just a shame he's spent so much money on a ring she won't wear, feels like a waste of money - it'd be such a pity, even worse is thinking about it, I'd hate to be expected to wear something every day I didn't get any say in, I can't see how you would get it perfect without at least a little guidance, for instance, would you think to get me a sapphire or would you just go for a standard diamond?" [innocent look]

Oh - this might be a little too non-trad for you , but www.turtleloveco.com/Engagement_Rings_s/125.htm

• and some etsy sellers do fab rings too.

nutellaontoast I would happily marry Derren, but I don't think I'm his type.

And LOL at DontmindifIdo. My poker face is not ace!

Very crafty DontmindifIdo

Sorry, how about making that a link [[http://www.turtleloveco.com/Engagement_Rings_s/125.htm]

"6 weeks? tight wad. 3 months more like"

Why should it matter?

I don't have an engagement ring as I didn't want one. I am not a ring kind of person and would far rather spend the money on something practical like a new cooker.

Argh!

www.turtleloveco.com/Engagement_Rings_s/125.htm

Tell him you want to help choose.

When we got engaged we had talked about it getting married, so we planned it together rather than him asking me out of the blue. We had the ring designed so I was there while the designer did the drawings and took both our ideas, but after that I knew nothing about it. I knew it was going to take a while for it to be made and hall marked, so I just waited until dp had it and then he proposed properly. I could see it coming a mile off but it was still very lovely, and I got to help design my own ring as well as have a surprise at how it turned out.

I told dh it was 6 months salary :o

I git mine made too, well we did. I have very clear thoughts, not a solitaire [have fat fingers]. Band white gold, and then 3 diamonds & 3sapphires, have had it 17 years, yes we're one of those couples. . .

But I still love it, it was OH who designed it, so it was still a surprise.

Well, it's worth planting a seed of doubt, you say "X got engaged and her boyfriend bought her a gorgeous ring, she's so happy" and he'll not listen to the description of the ring, he'll be thinking "I'll get you a gorgeous ring and you'll be happy." You said "Y got engaged and her boyfriend got a ring he thought was nice but is horrible" he'll think "oh fuck, what if I get it wrong?"

Just so you are aware in advance, what you like in a shop window and what "suits" you can be very different, so his taste might not be so bad at that! I had a definite style in mind when I got engaged. Square cut diamond (princess cut? cant remember the official name), flat setting so it was safe, white gold as platinum goes dull, blah blah.....

Ended up with a brilliant cut pressure set ring in platinum. I tried my "perfect" ring on and it didnt look right, it was lovely in my head but not on my finger.

Oh and I paid for it myself too, H was supposed to pay me back but never did (never got round to it and we had other things to spend the money on!) as it was out of a lump sum I had received. So when he received a similar lump sum for something, he bought me a diamond eternity ring which I wear as my wedding ring. It was about 6 weeks wages for each ring based on what he earned at the time.

and then he proposed properly

I dont get this! I know a few people who agreed to get married and then have an "official" proposal sometime later! I really dont understand why it is necessary or even romantic given that the question of marriage has already been discussed and agreed.

I didn't notice that DH wasn't holding out an open ring box when he proposed. Honestly, I didn't - it meant far more to me that he was down on one knee asking me to marry him. He'd toyed with the idea of buying a ring, but was too afraid to get it wrong so didn't, and so we chose together. Ended up with a solitaire; DH often says had he picked it would have been smaller...

Laughing at people's assumption that a crap advertising campaign from the 80s is 'tradition'. You buy what you can afford. You'd be a mug to do otherwise.

DH and I went to a jeweller friend and designed my ring together. He proposed to me on holiday and had already made the appointment with the friend.

Good luck Keraxy, I look forward to seeing the proposal thread!

I saw a wonderful clip on a documentary once of a young couple in the 60's ring shopping. They went into the shop, the young lady sat down and the assistant went to one side with the young man. He whispered something into the assistants ear and the assistant brought out a tray of rings that were in his price range!

Thats how it should be done, none of this "6 weeks wages" bollocks!

I should add that my mum has no idea how much her engagement ring cost. As she said, "it isnt what it costs that matter but what its worth" and to her it is priceless :)

bogey that is lovely

4K? I'm thinking Harry Winston style emerald cut diamond solitaire with channel set baguette diamond wedding band. I'm thinking sapphire and diamond eternity ring after pfb puts in an appearance - or earlier

As I'm thinking that using words to describe your ideal ring to your dhtb could end in tears, I'm also thinking that it makes eminent sense to choose these significant heirloom/investment pieces together.

We got engaged 4 months ago, but I got my engagement ring yesterday before our official engagement dinner. I didn't want to rush into anything that wasn't right. I sent DP lots of links to rings I liked and went and got my finger measured so I could tell him the size. He chose well, it was actually my favourite. It's a beautiful amethyst in white gold with two tiny diamonds.
He definitely did not spend six weeks salary, we are planning a big trip next year so would rather save for that and also put money towards our wedding etc. I'd also not feel comfortable wearing that much money on my finger. Also, jewellers have horrific mark ups. What you pay is way over the value of the stones etc. I know there are costs of a business, but don't be fooled into thinking a £1/2/3K ring means it is worth that much, it just means you paid that much.

My engagement ring is an emerald cut aquamarine with diamond shoulders. It cost just over £300 which was about 10 days salary at the time. We went to the jewelry quarter and chose it together. I know it was the perfect ring because it fit first time! Our wedding rings were made by a friend of ours and are platinum and yellow gold.

Tiffany Engagement Ring App
www.tiffany.co.uk/Engagement/Browse.aspx

Oh dear, we looked through the Argos catelogue together, I wanted white gold and saw one we liked, two white gold strands with 3 diamond shards set in it. Tried on the sizes, ordered it as they didn't have my size there. Think it was about £60.

When we got the notification it had arrived, DP gave me the money and I went and collected it. Mind you when I got home I did get him to actually put it on my finger (he'd already done the down on one knee business in the hospital after DS was born).

Neither of us are extravagant romantic types but to me it meant the two of us coming together and making three.

I am pretty sure mine cost him about a week's salary.

DH left the Beaverbrooks catalogue lying around and asked me which styles I liked, and what my ring size was!