to be on here so much as a way of socialising and talking to other adults instead of having a normal life with friends around me?

[soozeedol]

I'm a single parent with 1 DS 11yrs...always been single since splitting from his DD when DS was 5mths old. My DS has SN ...ADHD and ASD and other associated issues and requires my full time attentions and energies, I'd like to have a job but I'm afraid we are getting by on our sponging benefits due to having no child care options and it always being my responsibility to be at meetings which occur most weeks, crisis drop of hat summons and generally can't be far from home even when my DS is in school. I don't get out much and have few friends.
I sound really sad and maybe even a bit pathetic but actually I'm ok for the most part, have some hobbies and things I enjoy. I do have friends but don't see alot of them regularly so my ability to have a chin wag and some adult company is limited and sometimes I can go 3/4 days without any conversation (apart from with myself)! I'm often not even out of my PJ's as I'm mostly not going anywhere so I don't bother
I have just discovered MN and I feel in 3 days I am becoming quite hooked and I'm wandering around putting in my tuppence worth here, there and everywhere...

How dysfunctional am I and what would you suggest...I'm sure I am a common, hidden statistic and there are loads on me's out there....or am I alone as I fear???

I think she meant there is a lot to read on MN and also that it's easier to interact without worrying about offending people? No hidden meaning as far as I can tell

sooz - i think you've completely misunderstood 'great...'s thread.

I'd like to think I am wrong....it didn't read so innocently but maybe I'm reading into it when I shouldn't
I may be a bit sensitive and looking the wrong way

I apologise if that has indeed been the case?

I think great means she can be more 'upfront' for want of a better description online. :) Very easy to misinterpret posts on the net :) x

I PM'd you sooz :) x

yes I suppose everyone is liable to say things that perhaps they wouldn't if they were face to face etc...nature of on-line to be anonymous and therefore there are probably some posters who like to stir things up and enjoy the fall out that results in.....maybe I am aware of that and it made me question the meaning of post and could see it having different meanings...I don't mind admitting when I may have been wrong though

I have to say, Sooz, if you are feeling a bit sensitive, and possibly vulnerable, then, as a rule, AIBU is a board to avoid . Not this thread, but on this board there are often threads where people will be a bit - er - blunter than they are in 'Chat' or 'Relationships' or 'Special Needs' where you will get the support from if that's what you are looking for some days.

Aren't we all a bit sensitive and feel vulnerable to 'attack' on sites such as these for an example. Sooz is fine.

thanks backforgood x....good advice and I will be mindful of my disposition when I'm on

thanks solesource....I am fine
I think it may be also valid to say that ppl should try to be clear in what point they are making exactly so that it cannot be misunderstood...and be willing to explain when asked, if there is a misunderstanding...not something being offered here by the poster to me...it doesn't help does it
Anyway, move on cos it spoilt my thread in the first place and doesn't matter
can I try to bring it back to my original post again please

You're definately not sponging benefits sooz lol I am on benfits too as my child is disabled. It has taken me YEARS to realise I deserve the piuttance I get. I'm also wanting to join a course, volunteer - there are vacancies at my local hospice and at a foodbank. I also want to go for walks as you do. You seem positive, good Mother and about to atart in a different direction at some point. Motivation is lacking here also. I very strongly believe that Carers are often isolated, in some cases lonely people. Seems to be a huge problem, ye where is the support, books, get togethers etc...

A place for mothers and disabled children to go every third week. A disco for example. Needs to be a national set up.

Does your DS enjoy music Sooz?

support groups can be strange things...if you come across as quiet and shy...nobody really speaks to you or if you waltz in trying really hard to smile, they don't speak to you either....feel like the louse in the woodpile lol!!

I sat in a cafe at the end of a large table for over an hour with a group and I might as well have been a salt dispenser...a couple of them said bye to me when it was time to leave and we were heading outside to cars etc...only cos I said bye first though...

went to 1 that was for families with sn DC's...that was difficult...felt we were being scrutinized whilst we ended up witnessing a boy assault his mother with a large janitors' broom and then she said ...it's ok, I'm used to it!...I never went back there either!!

thinking if I join or go to any group things it might have to be totally different kind of thing...like, crafts or photography or something

Yeah. something away from everyday life. I went to two separate support groups. First one was very cliquey and treated me with contempt. Second was Carers who were very damaged by the people they looked after. I wasn't much help to them.

I think a non-obligitaory type group one a month or so where we can dance, talk to other parents. Then at least we have fun.

I don't even have kids and MN is my lifeline. I am a nanny, have no friends IRL (lost them all whilst working seasonally for the past 5 years) and my jobs make it impossible to meet people (one job with 3 kids, 2 with SN, the other with one breastfed child so we can't go far from home atm) and MN to me is having the friends I don't have IRL.

I'm not fussed by it, I think it's a lot more common than people let on. since moving down here I've gone to the two MN meets that have happened in that time and that suits me for socialising!

& you are not sponging, you have feasible reasons for being on benefits!

yes there is a huge national site called Citysocialising and they have ppl from all walks of life...I've been to one singles meet up and it was good fun. They have groups for everything and it seems quite a positive thing to get involved with...I might see about going along to something again soon...

There seem to be many people out there living their lives online, most with far fewer responsibilities than you have. this is a good place to hang out and chat, especially to mums of other kids with SN - have you tried the SN boards yet? Some very cool ladies on there (including me natch).

hey confusedpixie....

I only said sponging benefits because thats quite obviously how some people do view us single mums regardless of reason's...I watch question time every week and this subject barely comes up without negativity attached to it so...I suppose I made reference to make a small point to those who judge us so often as some kind of lesser beings...happens all the time

I've not heard of the citysocialising. Meetu and Spice seem good, i want to go to one of the meet ups too. I've been planning it for ages. Majorca in October taking all of my spare cash right now.

yes been on the sn board and chat one and parenting one...it is a great place but it does require caution too...learning this!

Holidays soon for us too...got a week away soon to a forest lodge up north with hot tub and everything...can't wait!

How do you find the six weeks holiday from school? I find it such a bore :(

gosh i'm dreading it this year grrr

it can drag a bit but tbh I like the peace and freedom for us to do what suits us and not have to deal with the whole school thing, etc
we both enjoy our time out at home so I like holiday time mostly

:) great! I enjoy that side but my DS being non-verbal - gets lonely.

do you go out much walking and things, doing touch and feel and things with him, does he like swimming or other things or does it pose issues that make it difficult to manage?
are you managing a break away anywhere or time out of some sort?

I struggle to get my son out and about as he can become very anxious but I persevere as much as possible ...it's a hit or miss if there is just lots of stress or value in my efforts....depends how things are at given time....
He does like to swim and loves water so I try to pick times that are less busy and we live on the coast so access walking the beaches alot...always need to take bags with us to beach comb nice stones and shells...we can be there hours on a good day