To ask for reassurance that dh and I won't die of sleep deprivation with newborn ds....

[Wigglewoo]

Or at least any tips for coping with it?

Ds is 9 days old. He is formula fed and feeds every 2 hours, day and night. Sometimes he might go three hours but yesterday he woke every hour for about 5 hours having an oz and going back to sleep again!

We have a dd aged 9 (so big age gap- this is dh's first baby, dd is mine from previous relationship). So I have forgotten what is "normal" - although I suspect this is- and dh is new to all this. So most of the time we are sitting there in a babyfog shrugging at each other without a bloody clue what we are doing.

Ds seems to have wind. So we burp him. So nothing comes up. Not even sure if we're burping him properly! He falls asleep in our arms, we realised if we swaddled him we have more chance of being able to put him down to sleep but often he wakes up. Yesterday he was sick twice after we put him down- I'm guessing trapped wind maybe. Dh changed ds and the moses basket soaked with sick at 3am. Nice. :) ds then had a bottle and went down till 6am- longest sleep yesterday.

We just feel so clueless about everything. And so fucking tired :( I'm lucky that dh is on leave for the next 2 weeks but he is suffering with a urine infection and I am recovering from my caesarean for placenta previa (which was undiagnosed until they opened me up!!!another story!)

We are just so so knackered and not sure what we are doing with burping, feeding, sleeping arrangements - ds is in with us as per the reccomendations but he's so noisy (not upset noisy but just fidgets in his sleep, coos etc non stop random grunts - he's asleep but we're not!!!)Dh thinks thismeans he's waking p and nearly got up to him at 2am last night but I said maybe wait as he's still asleep and he went till 3ish..

Just to be clear, of course I'm not expecting a tiny baby to sleep through or any thing silly like that.... Just wondering how others cope with a newborns sleep patterns. Neither dh or I can sleep during the day, just can't. And struggling to instantly sleep when ds goes down to get the full 2 hour block!! Dh is particularly struggling. I am a bit better at it.

It wasn't so long ago we were both sleeping all night and its been like a bomb going off having ds although he is absolutely lovely :)

We are also finding even though we are taking turns with night feeds that as ds is in our room the other person is being woken up anyway! So might as well be doing all of it!!

We do take turns one of us doing the first feed of the night downstairs so the other gets a head start and as dh was up cleaning sick at 3am I have taken ds downstairs with me this morning to give him a lie in....

Any ideas re winding / sleeping / surviving appreciated!!!!!!

Switch your hours! Im an early bird, so I would do the 8pm feed and go to bed. DH would do midnight and go to bed, I would be up anyway and do 4am, DH would be in time for 8am. The only way to deal with it is to adopt a rota like that.

It gets better, but yes. life with a new baby is hard!!! Trial & error really with best ways to wind - was it the baby whisperer that showed a good technique?

Have you tried something like dentinox/infacol for the trapped wind?

Can you try to work it so you take it in turns to get up during the night? So you can see the other is up roll over and at least carry on resting.

Yes, you do need to split the load or take turns to get a nights sleep or you will both grind to a halt.

Sympathies..you will survive, we are still here and DD hasn't slept for nearly 6 years ( I am sure you wont have that to deal with) but it IS exhausting.

Similar to jumping, when ds was born dh managed to get 4 weeks off. I would sleep from 7pm-midnight while dh looked after ds, then dh would sleep from midnight-6am.

Try changing his formula.
Different babies respond to different formula.

But reading your post brings it all back to me.

Ask for help, from anybody!

Why don't you take turns to do night feeds, with the other person sleeping elsewhere so that at least one of you can get some decent sleep and then only one of you is shattered and can try and rest a bit the next day. I bf all my kids so was different in that we co slept too so not really exhausting in the same way but I really sympathise- newborn babies are hard work!

First of all congratulations on your new baby !

Sleep deprivation is an absolute bummer - I'm surprised they haven't done studies on new parents as its what they do to prisoners at Guantanamo Bay to break them down.

You say you are taking turns with night feeds. Its wonderful that your DH is being so hands on.
If so do you have a separate bedroom, one person sleeps in there and you do alternate nights, or if you aren't finding it quite as hard you can do a bit more, doing alternate feeds is no good as you still get broken sleep. Don't worry you won't be separate forever just for the first few weeks. I found that it was just too stressful having 3 of us in the bedroom as I was trying to feed DS quietly which was really hard. Once each of you gets a few nights of unbroken sleep you will feel much better.

Also it will get better, it will take a few weeks but night feeds will cut down a bit and will start spacing out to let you get a bit more sleep - oh sorry just read this is not your first. I remember when DS was about 6 weeks saying joyfully to a neighbour that he had only woken up at 12am 3am and 6am and her looking at me strangely !

We did the same as jumpingthroughhoops. I went to bed from 7pm till about 3am and my DH went to bed from about 11pm till 7am. Any sleep I got after 3am was a bonus.

I also carried my DD in her Moses basket through to her room to do the night feeds and then brought her back in with us after.

It's not ideal, but it does get better. We rejoiced when she was old enough to go in her own room and not need night feeds.

Good luck!

Take all the help you can get, I agree! Split the times with your partner as much as you can (that's a good rule, to share parenting, from very early on). Sleep when the baby sleeps. Do not have too many visitors or you won't get to sleep enough. Say to yourself, 'it'll pass it'll pass it'll pass' like a mantra. Remind yourself every day will be easier.

Also, sadly, this sounds pretty normal for a 9 day old :( I know its exhausting & soul destroying, I remember very clearly. (I have never understood those who say you forget). Perversely, you'll come to miss this stage & long for it when it passes. So you can't win.

Do you have a spare room or a comfy sofa? We coped for the first 8 weeks with doing most night together then taking it it turns to go in the spare room for a catch up sleep. After a good 12 hour rest you'll feel ready to go for a few more nights until your next night off. We also had a deal where if I stayed up and did the night feeds, DH would get up at the first early morning feed and take DS downstairs so I could get a couple of hours rest. We have found swaddling a godsend but DS didn't really 'get it' until he was about 6 weeks. It will pass -we're at week 13 and last night DS went from 9.30 - 5.45 which feels like bliss!

Yes you will survive. It's grim, but when you look back at this time you will (a) feel it went by in a flash and (b) be barely able to remember any of it. The inability to remember this bit is because of the sleep deprivation, your brain is just managing to keep basic functions going and formation of memories is not a priority.

Are you using earplugs? If not, get some quicky and have a system of knowing who out of you and DH is in charge of DS and without earplugs, and who is allowed earplugs and sleep. We found that we quickly developed a pavlovian association between getting earplugs in and permission to sleep, and could sleep through anything confident that the other was in charge.

You may also find that a white noise generator in your room is useful both for soothing DS and enabling the parent-who-doesn't-have-to-wake-up to stay asleep.

Cross post with rookie - taking it in turns really is a massive help!

Congratulations!

DD fed every 2 hours day and night - and still does through the night at 11 months - never slept more than 3 hours in her life!

You get used to it, your body adapts. You will hit a wall, then there's another one at about 4 months, but it's ok. Nap!

Also I think your body actually changes so you can cope without sleep when you become a mother of a newborn - the amount of sleep I get now would previously had me vomitting with migraines, but now I'm fine and bouncy!

HTH

Oh and I breastfeed so no taking tursn here but it was still ok. Hellish at times, but you survive

LittleWaveyLines: your 11 months old never slept more than 3 hours?! that sounds grim! Do you know why? What could you do about it? that really doesn't sound right, no one should be having to cope with such sleep deprivation... :(

HeadShoulders: I actually remember that stage very well. I don't think everyone forgets. But (at least that's my experience) as time passes I've come to weirdly long for that time again, despite my awful memories of sleep deprivation... It's just the knowledge that it does pass, and for that matter passes quickly although it doesn't feel that way at the time, that makes the difference when you look back.

One last thing! (sorry) we functioned better as a family if DP slept in the spare room so got a full night's sleep, then he took responsibility for everything except feeding the baby and some nappies - so he did all cleaning cooking etc... bringing me food and drink on demand. Both of us sleep deprived was a recipe for bickering and tiredness competitions...

We also did a shift system particularly during the second week of paternity leave (during the first week I did all the feeds as was establishing bf). I went to bed nice and early and left a bottle of expressed milk. DP did the next feed and kept the baby downstairs until he had settled to sleep. I did the next feed or sometimes two in bed and if he didn't settle afterwards, I bought him downstairs so Dp could sleep in longer in the morning.

ten weeks later we have gone back to a similar system this weekend to allow me to catch up on more sleep and share the night feeding more fairly.

Safe sleeping guidelines do not say both parents have to sleep next to the baby! One of you in the room at a time will do. The other can get a few undisturbed hours in a spare room if it is not their turn to do the next feeding.

I recommend interruping feeds for a halfway burping session. And making sure you get one up before you put him back down.

been there been there been there! You have my deepest sympathies

My eldest woke every two hours for the first fifteen months of his life! - and then my second was born (god knows how that happened! )

Nobody who hasn't been through it can truly understand what that level of sleep deprevation does to you.

At first he was bf and I'd just grab him, but then I had to switch to ff. We lived in a town house and one of us would go down two flights of stairs, every two hours, every night, to get a bottle.

A few years ago, I turned to my husband and asked him why the hell we hadn't put a fridge and kettle in our bedroom.

I put keys in the fridge, milk in the cupboard and all that and was forever dropping things.

The only advice I can give you is to try to sleep when you can. during the day, in those 2 hour windows - sleep! take a shift each, so that each of you gets a few hours solid sleep. find a way to make sure each of you gets 4, 5 or 6 hours sleep a few times a week! At the weekend, one of you take the early shift and the other take the late shift.

housework - screw it!

You will get through it!

Maria I believe it's genetic! Apparently neither me nor my siblings or cousins or even some second cousins ever slept until about 18months.... my mother actually hired a night nanny for me and my brother in desperation for us for a year!

yes I agree with those who say, it's a good idea if your partner (or you) go in another room & sleep for some uninterrupted hours. Don't make the mistake DP & I made with our son, both of us being up at night, doesn't help anyone to have two sleep deprived adults. It leads only to bad things!

Thank you for all the replies and ideas so far. I am prepared to try anything!! :)

Will get some infacol today and might suggest sleeping rota, although dh and I have always been a very close, cuddly couple and I think (perhaps irrationally) both of us are keen to stay sleeping in the same bed etc, but obviously this is a tough time and not permanent... The ear plugs idea is great, hadn't thought of that.

Thanks again (reading intently)!!!

I had forgotten how hard the first few weeks are!

I bf so did all night feeds. With dd we both slept in same room with her and neither got much sleep. Lots of trying to settle her in her crib. Lots of cross exchanges about who was going to change nappy and so on.

With ds1 I co slept with him for the paternity leave phase and did all night stuff and dh looked after dd during the day and I managed to catch up on bits and bobs of sleep. Dh moved back in when ds1 was about 4 weeks (tough went back to work at 2 weeks).

With ds2, I co slept with him until he was about 6 months. Dh slept in ds2's room. Moved back in when ds was about 6 months or maybe older, can't remember. Ds2 carried n co sleeping. We all felt much more rested.

With dd, wich was the most problematic time, what worked was turn taking where possible. But mostly me learning to sleep during the day and dh completely taking over at weekends, passing her to me to feed and then taking away. Time time time - it will get better.

But there really is no point in both of you being knackered.

With the ff it should be easier to turn take for more significant lengths of time. When dh goes back to work he could maybe do a Friday or Saturday night so you can bank some sleep?

Hecate at the fridge and kettle.

I must admit we discovered that we could boil and make up the water in advance then just add the milk powder and serve at room temperature which made life a lot easier, but I think there are recommendations against that now.

Needs must - like sharing with dh. But actually found we were more considerate of each other when I wasn't - because I used to lie in bed feeling pure rage while dh snored next to me and i was feeding/changing nappies/ clearing up sick. When he wasn't in same room, I just got n with it and it wasn't so bad.