To ask for reassurance that dh and I won't die of sleep deprivation with newborn ds....

[Wigglewoo]

Or at least any tips for coping with it?

Ds is 9 days old. He is formula fed and feeds every 2 hours, day and night. Sometimes he might go three hours but yesterday he woke every hour for about 5 hours having an oz and going back to sleep again!

We have a dd aged 9 (so big age gap- this is dh's first baby, dd is mine from previous relationship). So I have forgotten what is "normal" - although I suspect this is- and dh is new to all this. So most of the time we are sitting there in a babyfog shrugging at each other without a bloody clue what we are doing.

Ds seems to have wind. So we burp him. So nothing comes up. Not even sure if we're burping him properly! He falls asleep in our arms, we realised if we swaddled him we have more chance of being able to put him down to sleep but often he wakes up. Yesterday he was sick twice after we put him down- I'm guessing trapped wind maybe. Dh changed ds and the moses basket soaked with sick at 3am. Nice. :) ds then had a bottle and went down till 6am- longest sleep yesterday.

We just feel so clueless about everything. And so fucking tired :( I'm lucky that dh is on leave for the next 2 weeks but he is suffering with a urine infection and I am recovering from my caesarean for placenta previa (which was undiagnosed until they opened me up!!!another story!)

We are just so so knackered and not sure what we are doing with burping, feeding, sleeping arrangements - ds is in with us as per the reccomendations but he's so noisy (not upset noisy but just fidgets in his sleep, coos etc non stop random grunts - he's asleep but we're not!!!)Dh thinks thismeans he's waking p and nearly got up to him at 2am last night but I said maybe wait as he's still asleep and he went till 3ish..

Just to be clear, of course I'm not expecting a tiny baby to sleep through or any thing silly like that.... Just wondering how others cope with a newborns sleep patterns. Neither dh or I can sleep during the day, just can't. And struggling to instantly sleep when ds goes down to get the full 2 hour block!! Dh is particularly struggling. I am a bit better at it.

It wasn't so long ago we were both sleeping all night and its been like a bomb going off having ds although he is absolutely lovely :)

We are also finding even though we are taking turns with night feeds that as ds is in our room the other person is being woken up anyway! So might as well be doing all of it!!

We do take turns one of us doing the first feed of the night downstairs so the other gets a head start and as dh was up cleaning sick at 3am I have taken ds downstairs with me this morning to give him a lie in....

Any ideas re winding / sleeping / surviving appreciated!!!!!!

9 days old! Wow - so exciting - congratulations!
I am glad you are getting some good advice from everyone here, having a new baby and the total exhaustion that comes along too is just such a complete shock to the system. I know it is still very early days for you, but my advice, for what it is worth, is to try to start getting into a routine as soon as you can. When my two were babies I was so tired, emotional, crying, failing at breastfeeding etc etc etc that I had to regain control as soon as I could and I did that by following Gina Ford's routine in her Contented Little Baby book. I know this is an emotive area and elicits strong opinions but all I can say is that for me and my babies it worked. You will find your own way through this and if you are the sort of person who needs routine perhaps this is something you might like to consider. My babies are now 4 and nearly 2 and they sleep really well, are really happy and although I still don't know what I'm doing a lot of the time, I do feel I at least have a structured routine within which they feel secure and safe, so I think that's a start. Plus their mum is sane which helps! Most days anyway...
I wish you all the love and luck in the world - enjoy your baby xxx

I remember actually hallucinating with tiredness a few times. Have also had that happen a couple of times since newborn days when she's been ill.

Dreadful.

We all ended up in separate rooms to sleep! That Angelcare monitor made me feel a bit more confident to leave him. I remember the first week thinking my DH and DS both had it in for me doing a snoring competition. I had been responding to every little sniffle and shuffle and going to the loo a million times which all probably contributed to the sleep thing. The worse thing for me was that I could almost cope with getting up 3/4 times in the night but not when at about 6mo the day began at 5...

I think it's good to not feel alone - I felt like I was the only one with a nightmare sleeper and have a brilliant DH but actually hated him when he dared say he was tired. Sleep deprivation alters your brain. It's put me off having a DC2 for 3 years.

had similar experiences with my little girl, who is now 12 weeks, i remember one sat night she cried on and off the whole night... and DH going downstairs to get her milk and coming back with a pot of actimel yoghurt...
have you tried colief? helps to digest the lactose that is in the formula milk, its an enzyme that is naturally in breast milk - i'm sure its helped her digest the milk better and she just seems happier
swaddling really tightly... i tried half hartedly to swaddle her but she would always wriggle out, our Dr noticed her screaming/discomfort at a check up and referred us to a physio who recomended a 'swaddle me' wrap (bought from amazon) - she is now sleeping from about 10pm til 5/6,and even 7am, hope this helps, good luck

Oh bless you, a tiny snuffly snuggly baby

But oh, the bone-aching tiredness. DP had to go abroad when DS was 9 days old & we couldn't join him til DS was 9wo so that was tough going - but you do get through it God knows how
DS is 19mo now and still hardly ever sleeps through the night - you can tell by looking at the suitcases bags under my eyes.

Agree with everyone upthread - you need to take it in turns as much as possible.
Sod the housework, just keep on top of the washing and drying (don't iron).
Eat ready meals - or next time you do cook make 3 times as much as you need and stick it in the freezer.
Get as much practical help as you can from family and friends. Don't be afraid to ask them, people usually like to feel useful in these circumstances.

It will get better. Congratulations btw.

congratulations on your lovely baby OP. It is HARD though!

I know this will probably be unpopular but when my DD was a few weeks old and was very much like your DS I tried a feeding/sleeping routine from Gina Ford. I didn't follow all of her advice but I did the times. I can actually still remember them now! My DD literally settled within a day. I know lots of people hate her but it worked for me. I was a single mum with PND and I felt as if I was going to go nuts before I tried this.

Later, when she was teething etc, she started getting unsettled again and we got through it but for those first few months the routine got us through. Loads of luck to you OP!

no miracles I'm afraid. But it does get better...(:

You could be describing my PFB - I now think he properly had Silent Reflux. He would scream on his back. When DS2 came along, he was the same. I realised he was at greater risk of harm from a sleep-deprived mother than from sleeping on his side. So I wedged him between 2 rolled up towels on his side (not quite sleeping on his front, but more comfy if you have acid indigestion than on the front). He had his daytime sleeps in a sling on me and in fact went to bed to the sling in the evening and only went into his moses basket when he was absolutely comatose and I went to bed.

Yes, it meant couple time was reduced. But if you're going to work as a couple you will reconnect on the other side of this baby.

Wow, your post really brings it all back! Congratulations on the bundle of joy! I had never known sleep deprivation until dd was born 2.5 years ago. DS slept through 12 hours from 9 weeks (despite colic and reflux)....DD slept through for the first time at 2 years and is still up more often than not. Like others, I can remember dropping things, not being able to remember anything (even the name of ds's consultant! ) and surviving on Lucozade and Snickers for 9 months...but it will get better and you won't die! My 'helpful' tip is to keep your humour and know that they aren't little for long....oh, and try changing formulas...SMA Lactose Free is worth discussing with your health visitor if he is sicky.

We also found sleep deprivation really hard but more so first time around as I was quite ill after the birth. Like many posters we switched hours so one did 10-2 shift, the other 2-6 whilst DH was on paternity leave and when not 'on shift' slept in a different space. When DH went back to work, I did Sun-Thurs (my angel of a mother did Tues) and DH did Fri and Sat. This went on for 3-4 months until DS1 settled into a routine and I recovered. Otherwise, I'd have struggled to get through it.