To ask for reassurance that dh and I won't die of sleep deprivation with newborn ds....

[Wigglewoo]

Or at least any tips for coping with it?

Ds is 9 days old. He is formula fed and feeds every 2 hours, day and night. Sometimes he might go three hours but yesterday he woke every hour for about 5 hours having an oz and going back to sleep again!

We have a dd aged 9 (so big age gap- this is dh's first baby, dd is mine from previous relationship). So I have forgotten what is "normal" - although I suspect this is- and dh is new to all this. So most of the time we are sitting there in a babyfog shrugging at each other without a bloody clue what we are doing.

Ds seems to have wind. So we burp him. So nothing comes up. Not even sure if we're burping him properly! He falls asleep in our arms, we realised if we swaddled him we have more chance of being able to put him down to sleep but often he wakes up. Yesterday he was sick twice after we put him down- I'm guessing trapped wind maybe. Dh changed ds and the moses basket soaked with sick at 3am. Nice. :) ds then had a bottle and went down till 6am- longest sleep yesterday.

We just feel so clueless about everything. And so fucking tired :( I'm lucky that dh is on leave for the next 2 weeks but he is suffering with a urine infection and I am recovering from my caesarean for placenta previa (which was undiagnosed until they opened me up!!!another story!)

We are just so so knackered and not sure what we are doing with burping, feeding, sleeping arrangements - ds is in with us as per the reccomendations but he's so noisy (not upset noisy but just fidgets in his sleep, coos etc non stop random grunts - he's asleep but we're not!!!)Dh thinks thismeans he's waking p and nearly got up to him at 2am last night but I said maybe wait as he's still asleep and he went till 3ish..

Just to be clear, of course I'm not expecting a tiny baby to sleep through or any thing silly like that.... Just wondering how others cope with a newborns sleep patterns. Neither dh or I can sleep during the day, just can't. And struggling to instantly sleep when ds goes down to get the full 2 hour block!! Dh is particularly struggling. I am a bit better at it.

It wasn't so long ago we were both sleeping all night and its been like a bomb going off having ds although he is absolutely lovely :)

We are also finding even though we are taking turns with night feeds that as ds is in our room the other person is being woken up anyway! So might as well be doing all of it!!

We do take turns one of us doing the first feed of the night downstairs so the other gets a head start and as dh was up cleaning sick at 3am I have taken ds downstairs with me this morning to give him a lie in....

Any ideas re winding / sleeping / surviving appreciated!!!!!!

I can confirm that you won't die (you might want to, but that's different!). Agree with the advice here, and infacol was a god send for us. You can get it on prescription.

It is normal to want to sleep in the same bed and I feel the same way about it. But in these early days, getting whatever sleep you can is the most important thing. My baby does not allow me to sleep in the day (will only nap either in sling or being pushed or driven somewhere) so if I didn't get some proper time off in a different room I would go insane.

Wigglewoo I felt exactly the same as you about separate beds as DH and I were still in the first flush of our relationship, but honestly the difference it made was enormous.

How about you do it for say 4 nights a week and spend the other three together? It is honestly not forever and will help you both to feel so much more rested.

My 3 week old feeds and needs holding constantly, the longest block of Moses basket time I have is 1.5 hrs evening 2 hours day, she is Bf so no sharing feeds and I can't sleep in the day as I have 2 year old DD1. DH went away for a 5 day work trip on week 2 and I am still alive, evil, weepy but still alive so no you won't die, you will just hate everyone and everything,

I would also suggest infacol, also Dr Brown bottles worked for DD1 who was FF and windy, not cheap but worth it.

Also have some snuggle time with newborn early evening in bed to get that couple feeling then one of you hit the spare room, best of both worlds.

That's a lot of alsos sorry! You will lose the ability to be coherent.

softlysoflty for a baby that needs holding constantly (moses basket record = 15mins) can I recommend a ring sling in upright carry. And I still use it now as a hip carry (still wants holding lots)

I would recommend trying to express milk so you can offload one feed per day if you are breastfeeding, preferably a late evening one so you can get to bed nice and early. If I hadn't done this I doubt I would be happy to continue breastfeeding. It's not for everyone, but for me it has significantly reduced the exhaustion. It doesn't take me that long to do and means that I can get in bed by half nine and have a good stretch of sleep.

Some excellent ideas.. And its so nice to hear that all this is normal. Absolutely exhausting - but normal.

And I :) at the fridge idea... At the moment we have to creep downstairs to get a bottle from the fridge and warm it in the microwave while ds is grizzly upstairs waiting next to the bed (with the other parent trying to sleep !!!) - have been making feeds up in advance and storing in the fridge - I know you're supposed to make them as you go but I did this with dd and I always make them with boiled water so its hot etc and then cool under tap and put in fridge....

I could look for a second hand mini fridge and microwave for our bedroom... (Money is tight!) .. Or maybe we should just move the bed into the kitchen :) !

When dd was little I had a little lindam night feed thingy where you put two bottles in the cooler bit and it had a bottle warmer built in .. But I havet seen anything similar... Maybe I could do somEthing similar with cool bags etc.. Bit worried I'm going to poison ds!!

wiggle I take a cool box packed with ice and a bottle warmer - does the job. I'd second Dr Browns bottles - worth every penny. Good luck!

I have seen those night feeder things on ebay.
On the odd occasion when we use formula at night it is one of those ready to serve cartons so no fridging or warming required. But they are too expensive if you are fully formula feeding really.

Get a cool bag and put some freezer packs in it. Put the bottle in there, it will be fine for a couple of hours. Keep a thermos of hot water in the bedroom.

Definately set up a camp in the spare room, you're bottle feeding so there is no need for you both to be sleep deprived. My dh has set up camp next door and we're all happier for it, he gets some sleep, i dont have to pussy foot around trying to be quiet and it revents the dreaded tiredness competitions. Take it in turns to have a nights sleep while he's off work and you still can. it'll do you both the world of good.
ps it does get much easier, i found 4 weeks a real turnng point.

Sounds like your DC could be a high need baby. I think there is a thread about it in the sleep section.

My DS was exactly the same and to be blunt the first 8 weeks nearly killed us. He fed every 2 hours night and day and then joy of joys developed colic which was horrendous. We found cow and gate comfort milk helped and I've heard fantastic things about Coleaf.

It did get better and at four months he fed for longer and then slept better.

You have my sympathies but it will get better. Try the Coleaf if it is colic.

You won't die. You'll just feel like you want to :)

Agree, you won't die. Our sleep eluding DD, started to sleep through, in her own room, earlier this year.

She will be 7 in August ... :)

My twins fed every two hours for 18 months. 45 min sleep in 24 hours was my worst ever. You will not die but it is awful. I would strongly suggest splitting the night so one of you has an early night and gets the 2nd half and the other gets a lie in- then you should both get a decent stretch. Sleeping in separate rooms and/or using ear plugs doesn't mean you have to be less cuddly- just a practicality for this bit of your lives so that you all get some sleep!

My DS is 14months, I have no pearls of wisdom to offer and even now have a severe lack of sleep but one thing I remember very clearly...the first 3weeks are awful and I thought i'd never cope...but those 3weeks soon pass and it does start to get better. You will all be fine in the end, it's early days.

You poor things . But your scrumptious baby will get you through and the smiles mean you forget all the difficult nights.

If you are in the SE I will help .

First, congratulations

You have another child, so you know that these days pass. Tell that often to your DH. He must be shell-shocked now.

Re this: "So we burp him. So nothing comes up. Not even sure if we're burping him properly! Yesterday he was sick twice after we put him down- I'm guessing trapped wind maybe."

Surely you know that trapped wind happens in the intestines and burps comes from the stomach? So no, he wasn't sick because of trapped wind, but probably because he burped when lying down.

After a feed, you hold him up (against your shoulder, for example) and pat his back until he burps. Only then do you put him down.

Definitely turn take with DH.
Sleep in another room when it's not your turn
Use earplugs to block out the grunting, believe me you'll hear when it's a true cry!
Go to bed early. Sleep during the day even if just one hour.
Also you can use the ready made cartons, yes they're expensive but at that age you're talking about 1 carton max a night which is about 70p.

Ready made cartons of formula, with a pair of scissore and a fresh sterilized bottle sat at side of bed definitely helped.

I have one of those Lindam things with the cooler and the bottle warmer at the front, I think Argos sell them?

What formula are you using? SMA made DS like this, but he was a lot better once we switched to C&G.

Or ready made formula is brilliant too. We did find a certain brand made him much more windy though

If the sickness continues consider reflux as an issue. Everyone else has said everything else already. Good luck.

oh heck. we used to get ready for bed before the last feed of the evening so that we did not waste any of the precious too short sleep.

Oh I remember those days :( It's very tough and you have my sympathy. No you won't die! But you might age a few years!

You've had some good advice. The other would be keep an eye on things and don't rule out reflux if it doesn't settle down (reflux can be VERY painful - the baby can either have reflux - where he/ she is generally copiously sick after a feed, or silent reflux, where the child isn't too sick, but brings back acid after every feed) Silent reflux is horrifically painful (acid indigestion basically, but left to happen over and over agin can lead to all sorts of problems) I think being sick can sometimes be acidic and painful too.

My DD had silent reflux, undiagnosed til 3 months, by which time I was a sleep deprived WRECK. She would sleep an hour at most day and night and wake from every nap crying. HV's and well meaning friends would tell it this was normal. Thank God I finally decided to take her to the doctor who diagnosed silent reflux, put her on gaviscon (and later ranitidine) The first night on the gaviscon she slept an unheard of FIVE HOURS!!

I often tell my story to sleep deprived parents. Have to say though, it's pretty rare, and mostly the parents sooon tell me things have settled and their babies are sleeping lots more. The chances are you will be one of these :)