when will it end.

[lastnerve]

I have 1 child ds 2 years and has been going to nursery for a while, he had basically no child interaction very young so as soon as I could I got him in nursery. He has made some improvements i.e speech some social skill improvements.
But he finds it very hard to get on with kids his own age, he is by nature very hyperactive and never stops and can revert to hitting,biting other kids very quickly :'( I have no idea why his speech is limited even though it has come on but I don't know if that is the reason.
He is very big for his age so some kids are scared anyway of him, sometimes he just goes up to some kids and behaves aggressively me and his dad are mortified and are very worried about him and other kids.
He's going to be painted as a big thug pretty soon and there is not much coming back from that, I'm noticing the cliquey-ness of other mothers being an issue already too. I am scared firstly because I don't know why this is happening and feel powerless and plus the idea of him going through school being labelled and friendless. I have spent the last 3 weeks laying awake at night wondering when/if this will end.

AIBU to ask if anyone went through this hell? and when did it end?.

Oh lastnerve he still so very little! Firstly, at my childs nursery there was bouts of biting, hitting, not sharing general ruffian goings on by most of the children.

I would take no notice of the cliquey-ness, sometimes that just needs you to start a conversation, if it persists, just smile and say good morning/afternoon.
Have you talked to his key-worker about your concerns? They will have seen this before.
He will change hugely over the coming months and years, no-one in their right mind will label him. You sound so worried, he sounds perfectly normal in terms of inter action to me.

I feel for you. Must be very difficult. He is 2 years old! I'm no expert (own child had developmental delay) on what a 2 year old does, but it seems normalish to me? As for the other Mother's feck them! You've no real idea how they feel. Keep posting, here for you. Get some sleep.

It sounds like you need to visit the GP or Health Visitor and raise his poor speech; it could be his aggressiveness comes from frustration at not being able to communicate properly?

His SENCO worker at the nursery highlighted these issues to me and basically he needs adult supervision to play with other kids It blew me so hard I thought he was doing so well.

The are going to help him with speech therapy I gave my permission apparently the inclusion officer asked about it being provided.

I think it's common. I had to sign two forms about ds as he has started to bite really hard and I felt mortified. He has been going for a while too!

The other mothers should understand. Ds has never bitten another child when I've been watching but you can't help feel a bit embarrassed!

I think perhaps speech development can be a frustrating time for children.

At my d nursery one little boy was always in the book of shame for his interactions with the other children. He left for school last year, and his father was telling me the change in him has been enormous, and that he much prefers the formal setting of school.
Really I wouldn't feel so hopeless, 2 is so small, he's just learning.

There are lots and lots of 2 year olds who behave exactly like your son. Most of them grow out of it on their own when they develop better communications skills. So that's what you need to focus on and it sounds like nursery are helping with this which is good. With any speech therapy they should be able to give you some advice about how to work with him at home as well so he improves as quickly as he can.

If it helps you at all, my cousin had very similar issues when he was 2. He is now 22 and is about to finish a Law degree, so it certainly hasn't affected how bright he is or his social skills either.

Its the judgement isnt it? Pickle

I'm very mellow so I know the aggression has not come from me. I think it hit me when I saw kids from much more dysfunctional backgrounds talking, playing basically like angels in comparison. It hit me that something is very wrong, but I don't know what.
And people will of course jump to the conclusion I just don't 'Say no to him' which has been said before.

lastnerve Very few of us haven't had to sign the book of shame.

My d picked up a rolling pin and shaped up to the Teacher! Amongst many other high crimes and misdemeanors.
So let those that can Judge, Judge away.

If it was as simple as just saying "no" all the time.

I always think people think I am too soft or nip people myself or something!

I know I have said in the past ' You can say no but they don't always listen you have to train them to listen and that bit takes time' I just get a blank expression maybe I'm wrong, maybe that's where I'm going wrong.

You will see a massive change when your ds speech takes off. Just saying no doesn't always work with very small children.

You say that you just get a blank look when you say no to him. Have you had his hearing checked? I'd expect a 2 year old would understand "no" even if they aren't yet talking. I say this as a mum of a child who didn't talk until well over 2.5 yrs and one who never stopped when told no. The one who didn't do as he was told was found to have glue ear at age 4 and grommets made a big difference to his behaviour.

Hi lastnerve, let me give you some of my experience with my DS2 (who is now angel at nearly 3)

he didn't start speaking properly until last christmas. Before that he was soo frrustrated, he would tantrum alot. He didn't hit or bite other kids so much, but he hit out at me and was was very challenging to deal with. When his speech finally arrived the improvement in him was monumentous and he stopped hitting me.

2 yr olds can go through this phase. There was a little boy in DS' nursery (he is still there) who bit, hit, pinched and attacked all the time. He once bit one of the girls 5 times in one day. He routinely went after DS, scratched his eyes, and it was a really difficult time for his parents and for the parents of the children he went after. He is now a lovely little boy, underneath he was always a lovely little boy, but obviously couldn't handle feeling or emotion at that age. the little boy is now 3.

We have a great nursery and they were brilliant every step of the way, helping and supporting both my son, us and the other family.

1. Do you think your son has any special needs, are there any other behaviours he is exhibiting that could suggest something underlying this? It may be worthwhile him having a full exam by the HV to check hearing and get a speech referral, although I still think 2 is very young and boys do take longer generally to speak

2. get your nursery manager on side and build a plan to deal with the aggression, get them and you to keep a diary of triggers - food, tiredness, hunger etc, other children, certain scenarios and see if you can work together to build a plan to support him and you through this

3. have the nursery manager explain to the other parents that this is normal developmental stuff and for them to empathise with you rather than stand against you. If you are happy with this. Or even reach out to them. I know nurseries try to maintain anonymity when this happens, but actually all I wanted to do when DS was being hurt, was to talk to the other mother and plan a way out of it.

Will your son respond to rewards about behaviour at 2? some do, some don't

As long as there are no underlying behavioural issues or health problems causing hitting and biting, you will just have to stick with it and have a plan for when he does it, e.g. take him away from having fun, discipline him with time outs etc or whatever works for you..

Hope it works out for you

Great post flib.

All 2 year olds need adult supervision.

All 2 yo's revert back to biting etc at sometime.

Your ds sounds perfectly normal. Just keep on giving him lots of love and he'll be just fine.

Sorry, marquesas I meant from people I say that to , adults.

no my so just grins and is defiant

I meant to say, Im on my 3rd dc now so I should have it all Sussex by now but my 2yo has the devil in her and will often revert in to a biting, hissing wild creature when she is frustrated. The only difference with her is I know from experience it will get better.

I do sometimes see signs of ADHD, being unable completely to self sooth calm himself down, as soon as the room gets noisy he just impldes and gets so boisterous beyond normal levels and this is when he generally is aggressive.

*sussed

*implodes

but I know people don't usually go near kids for those things unless they are at least three.

Yeah memoo I think when its your first child I think you have much less confidence in your own abilities. and feel so low.

Most of the two year olds (particularly boys) I've taken care of haven't been the biggest talkers and they have been more likely to resort to kicking and hitting their siblings if they're not getting their way (I find girls just sit down and cry most of the time). Go see your GP if you're worried and hopefully that'll put your mind at ease.

As for the cliquey-ness at the nursery, do you know any of the other parents? If there's a way in which you could integrate your DS with a group of other kids his age outside of nursery for example, having play dates or cousins (if applicable) over that might help. It'd mean you could watch him and step in if he did hit or bite and you'd be building relationships with other mums who'd probably reassure you that the behaviour isn't as bad as you think.

My mum said that too, but even compared to the other boys there is a difference.
my friends are all childless so I'm very isolated in that respect I wonder how much that has affected him.
I could have a look around.

I'm with FluffyJawsOfDoom it could very easily be frustration that is causing him to act out as opposed to general nastiness. My eldest is autistic (not saying your son is btw) and he was a nightmare as a toddler because he struggled to talk he would get so frustrated when no one could understand him and he couldn't get his point across it would result in hysterics, hitting, kicking, head butting, ripping paper off walls, throwing objects (or any combo of the above). Once he was diagnosed and started receiving speech therapy things improved and at 8 this is now almost none existent as he can talk and he can tell you if you are misunderstanding what he is trying to say.

I also think it is quite normal for children of this age to go through a bit of a hitty / bitey faze so depending on how long its been going on I wouldn't worry too much, my youngest DS (3) can be a bit like that but again is also getting better the more he begins to talk and understand.

It might be worth visiting your GP and asking if you can get a referral to speech therapy if you are concerned.