to think if you want to work in silence, don't go to a coffee shop

[whimsicalname]

I was in a chain coffee shop this morning, across the road from our city museum, waiting with my 2 year old for it to open.

I was drinking my coffee, he sat opposite me eating raisins. Other people were working, or chatting, or reading the paper. You know, doing normal coffee shop stuff.

After a while, the boy gets up to wander around. He's not running, he's not sticky, he's just mingling. He walked towards a man with a laptop. Stood nearby him, and then said hello. Man looked up at me, and said 'do you mind, I'm concentrating here' in a really unpleasant way.

If I'd been with a couple of friends chatting we'd have made a lot more noise but I can't help but feel he probably wouldn't have told us off!

We were across the road from the university library (which has some open access areas) and all of 200m away from the city central library, so plenty of options for quiet. Blimey, he could even have sat in the cathedral for some quiet contemplation.

AIBU or was he?

The point is that you dont know why people dont want to talk to your child. Someone could be worried, have a headache, be infertile and heartbroken, just wanting to be left alone.

If someone isnt interested then they arent interested. That isnt rude and there is no law that says anyone must speak when spoken to.

FFS, if I dont want to speak to you or your child, can you not just respect that?! You expect us to respect your right to allow your child to do whatever the hell it wants but you respect our right to not want to join in with that!

The man plainly reacted as if the child WAS being bothersome.

oh the walk a mile in his moccasins cliché
we know not what he had borne that day
yada yada

I'm sorry but when is saying hello invading personal privacy? So we should no longer say hello/make eye contact for fear of personal privacy. Are you aware of how mad this sounds?

The child said hello. If he had pulled up a seat, stuck his hands all over the laptop and started to suggest share prices you may have had a point.

scottishmummy
Agreed.

I don't agree scottishmummy that's kids are only interesting or tolerable to their own family. Some people genuinely aren't bothered by kids being kids. But different strokes I guess.

Hmmmm.... not sure... 50/50... been talking with my DH and he is 50/50

Actually, I'm realising that the problem here is that there seem to be a startling number of adults who are not, in fact, grown up. If you find yourself blanching when approached by an unknown toddler, perhaps developing some social skills could be an area for personal growth. (Sheesh.)

Again - a lot of people on this thead have made it clear they don't like it. Are all you pro-minglers next time going to:

(i) restrain your child
(ii)let it mingle, knowing that a lot of people don't like that.

Guess which option above shows you consider others?

The next person who says that to me is going to be beaten to death with the nearest heavy object,exotic. I hate it.

You didn't answer my question Popcornia -I take it that you are perfectly happy for me to pick up your DC sit them down next to me and chat?

And some of us even get a lot of enjoyment from little interactions with children on the tube or in coffee shops.

Completely agree, pictish. The man was a little rude in his reply, but he might have been worried about the toddler starting to chat to him (as toddlers can do) and having to be even ruder to get him to leave him alone. Toddlers do not have the ability to read the atmosphere as most adults do, they would not be able to realise that the man wanted him to leave him alone. Your DS probably forgot all about it in the next few minutes and went onto something else.

I think the man was BU but I think you also were, OP. The man did not ask for quiet, he only responded when your child went up to talk to him. It is a coffee shop and while your son has right to be there, wandering around like it is a play ground is not a good idea. There may not be people wandering around with hot drinks but there will be some of the tables. It would be easy for your child to bring one down on their head. I heard a story about a toddler who got burned pulling his brother's Lemsip that was sitting on the table down on top of him.

What bothers you and what bothers someone else is not necessarily the same thing though.

And what exotic said. No one knows what he may have been typing on his laptop.

perhaps. we could surely find an island somewhere out that and name it that? it will have an abundace of coffee shops for miserable people so they can sit there till their hearts are content. No longer will they have to deal with little people, no longer will they have to interact. It will be bliss for them.

Who said "invading", Purpleprickles? Of course make overtures, say hello if you wish, but bear in mind you not get back what you give. The child cannot know these boundaries at 2, which is why he shouldn't have been allowed to wander. It is not the child's fault, but the parent's.

"there of course"

I bet the kid stood slightly too closely for a while, staring.
They do that you know. Stand too close and stare at you.
It's disconcerting sometimes.

I wonder if this is a PFB thing, ie how many 2nd, 3rd kids etc are let ogff to toddle around coffee shop est (assumes that even the thickest skinned earth mothers have got the message by No 2)

No, you used their correctly the first time.

missf it exists in chitty chitty bang bang!! The child snatcher too all the kids away so the king could play with all the toys

I have 3 children if that helps

And next door will be an island just for you MissFaversham

Oh god its now the parents fault for letting a child "wander" in a coffee shop. In the buggy, get in there right now, you are not allowed to interact or learn. The only crying shame of this thread is adults thinking that children should still be seen and not heard. Dont give them legs either then they cant "wander"