to think if you want to work in silence, don't go to a coffee shop

[whimsicalname]

I was in a chain coffee shop this morning, across the road from our city museum, waiting with my 2 year old for it to open.

I was drinking my coffee, he sat opposite me eating raisins. Other people were working, or chatting, or reading the paper. You know, doing normal coffee shop stuff.

After a while, the boy gets up to wander around. He's not running, he's not sticky, he's just mingling. He walked towards a man with a laptop. Stood nearby him, and then said hello. Man looked up at me, and said 'do you mind, I'm concentrating here' in a really unpleasant way.

If I'd been with a couple of friends chatting we'd have made a lot more noise but I can't help but feel he probably wouldn't have told us off!

We were across the road from the university library (which has some open access areas) and all of 200m away from the city central library, so plenty of options for quiet. Blimey, he could even have sat in the cathedral for some quiet contemplation.

AIBU or was he?

Are miserable people not allowed in coffee shops then?

Someone bigger could knock into the waitress, absolutely. I wouldn't like my child to be caught in the cross fire of that.

Ah! Talking of joyless!

Erm, nowhere in my post did I say that kids arent allowed in coffee shops, what I said was that they shouldn't be left to roam in a coffee shop.

I think you'll also find that the majority of adults have better spatial awareness and sense of 'risk' than most toddlers, and so are better equipped to avoid accidents in said places.

Good lord, MrsFaversam you could be a bloody spin doctor the way you are able to twist posts.

There should be special miserable sod coffee shops

Was that aimed at me,Mama?

Very wise popcornia. And I'm sure that's all the man in the coffee shop wanted

I'm curious to know if the 'minglers' expect people to converse with their children,or if they're happy with a mere hello?

Yes but in a jokey affectionate way!

Actually Usual miserable people shouldn't be seen or heard. They get on my goat.

They could all sit there with their important laptops sneering at anyone who laughed.

no that was me usual :D

I don't really give a monkeys how miserable you are in public, echt. But I am not going to praise you for it. If you're that bothered about being approached by a toddler, I think suggesting you get a bit of a grip on that anxiety problem is fair enough.

My kids and I have survived plenty of rudeness (and no I do not make a habit of 'expecting strangers to entertain them'....weird idea anyway ffs, no one can be forced to entertain a child) but I have no time for this notion of the adult consumer bubble where no inconvenient non-adults may intrude. And the smug judgementalism of people blaming mothers for entirely normal toddler behaviour (Although it's fine for adults in coffee shops to talk loudly to eachother and into mobile phones isn't it? Somehow that remains a 'private activity' just cos the shouter is staring into the middle distance or is engaged with another adult...so it's not the noise you lot are complaining about , it's about having to momentarily acknowledge precisely that you are not in your own little bubble in a world composed only of other adults).

At any rate, bubble-people are deluded and fighting a losing battle: it ain't going to stop until coffee shops start banning children. So live with it or as another poster said, start spending your precious me-time in Shoreditch with the kidults.

Well you know what?
I've got three kids. Most of my friends have got kids. I've done baby and toddler groups for 10 years now, and I've enjoyed them.

I still blanche under the stare and approach of strange children that come into my personal space uninvited, just as I do when accosted by an adult I don't know. Eye contact and a response generally leads to an intrusion of some description.

I'm not an introvert - quite the opposite in fact, and I reckon most people would describe me as friendly. And polite. I still don't want to respond to strange kids though - they have no social boundaries and talk guff. I'm not a natural with children at all. I find interaction with them stilted and false. They freak me out just a teeny tiny bit.

I wouldn't ever dream of being rude to a little 2 yr old who came over and said hello - I would say hello back and smile at him....but I would also hope he went away again, and quickly.

This guy saw no such need to be placatory. He was on the sharp side in his reaction I guess...but frankly, if they were in an almost empty cafe and he was absorbed in his laptop, and showed no interest in the child, then the mum was a bit socially inept in allowing the lad to approach him at all.
The set up and circumstances say 'not interested'.
Most of us would've read the signs and steered the boy away at the first sign of his approach.

Mingle my arse. I'm trying to read here!!

Or anyone who said hello

It's just when I said it, you posted but I don't mean it.
It's all got a bit lively really on here and I can't year myself away

I would carry on letting my child say hello to strangers

DM headline "mothers grooming children for paedos"

You heard it here first...

I'm not so sure it was intended like that.

Im cracking up here. Miserable is as miserable does. Bet it would be packed to the rafters that miserable cafe, what a joyous place to be.

Swerve that one then ay.

I think as adults we have a responsibility to model good manners and also use of language. If as an adult you said hello to someone and they were rude back you'd be slightly affronted.

Would it really have hurt to say hello?

WTF are you on about

That was to Whatmeworry

I'd be happy for DS to have been ignored cherry - But a "do you mind" would be unnecessary IMO

Was just messing about. I really don't think you're joyless