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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to name and shame the mum who is not nit combing her kids

55 replies

msrantsalot · 21/06/2012 23:50

I am sick of combing nits out my DD's hair, and I know where they are coming from, this mum claims that she treats her kids regularly but you can see the lice from 2 feet away and the kids are absolutely crawling. Every time my kid play with hers she comes back infested and I am sick of it.

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ImperialBlether · 21/06/2012 23:53

Why do you let them play with her children? I wouldn't let them near her.

EssentialFattyAcid · 21/06/2012 23:53

Who is it?

Mrsjay · 21/06/2012 23:54

yes point the finger and watch the children die of shame if it wasnt bad enough they had nits FWIW my dd had them for months and i combed and treated all the time you cant say she doesnt treat them perhaps she isnt combing maybe she doesnt know ,

mumnosbest · 21/06/2012 23:55

YANBU but what can you do? i take pleasure in the thought she must be itching too!

Original poster
msrantsalot · 21/06/2012 23:58

Well its a neighbour and I can't really stop the kids playing together. I have tried to talk to her about it but she totally denied that her kids had nits! Im not joking when I say that you can see huge lice on their heads. Ive told my DD she can play but not get too close, but when they are all on the trampoline they bump into each other. Its a real shame for the kids. Shes actually had the kids removed by social services because her house was so dirty and there were insect infestations, she had to have one of those tyvok suited clean teams come in 2 years ago to gut her house. She is really aggressive also, but ive tried being nice....

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Original poster
msrantsalot · 22/06/2012 00:00

And i dont mean name the kids i mean tell the other mums quietly, im not plnning on taking out a billboard

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Original poster
msrantsalot · 22/06/2012 00:01

Mum says she has psoriasis on her scalp and thats why she is always scratching

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Mrsjay · 22/06/2012 00:04

I think I would say to her direct look your kids have lice go and get a nit comb and comb them out, the mums will gossip, be direct to the mum I know its fustrating I really do i used to cry when i had to nit comb again my poor DDs but what will telling other mums achieve

Mrsjay · 22/06/2012 00:05

say well no i can see them crawling, or perhaps have a quiet word with school maybe she is ignoring it or doesnt know how to deal with them

Original poster
msrantsalot · 22/06/2012 00:07

well Im hoping that some of them will approach her about it too because she wouldn't listen to me. Its gonna be the holidays and I am going to have to go through this again I had it all last summer when my DD played with them all the time, but I dont want her not to be able to play with her friends

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shockers · 22/06/2012 00:07

Does your DD like her children?

Could you plait your DD's hair?

Do you think children should be shamed because of their parents' inadequacies?

I'm not having a go...I work within school and I know it's always the same families that have problems. Thing is, I also know that it's only the comments of parents that turn this sort of thing into a stigma for the infested child. The, "I'm not allowed to play with , because she's got nits"

It's crap to watch children get marginalised, and the effects stay with them for a long, long time.

Original poster
msrantsalot · 22/06/2012 00:10

actually my DD told me tonight when i was doing her hair that they have to do their own bath (ages 9 and 5) my DD is 8 and while I let her bath herself but i check her head every few nights with the nit comb in the bath.

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Original poster
msrantsalot · 22/06/2012 00:16

shockers thats why i dont want her to stop playing with them. but then if it was any other infectious disease (say chickenpox) people would admit it and tell folk their kids were infectious. But because its lice, its like a dirty word! Im not ashamed of my kid having head lice, its a childhood disease and i tell my friends who have kids if ive found any so that they can check their kids. But this mum is in total denial, wont admit it, and to be fair i think she has squirted them with lyclear but if you dont comb it you dont get rid of them I know, I have dealt with this for ages and thought i had seen the last of the wee buggers, I just think its so unfair to expect my DD to endure an hour of nit coming every night cos this selfish female wont do it!

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Original poster
msrantsalot · 22/06/2012 00:18

I have spoken to the school they say its a social problem not a school problem and they are not allowed even to put a note home saying nits are going about

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isthistheendthistime · 22/06/2012 00:18

She could wear a headscarf when she plays there?

ShullBit · 22/06/2012 00:26

Bollocks to them not putting letters out. Every school I have known always send letters out if there is an outbreak of head lice to warn parents to check their childrens heads.

But YABU to want to out the mother, as by doing so, you out the child too which will have an affect on them and it isn't their fault.

Just be sly, and say something to the mother like "Wouldn't it be so much easier if you could just spray the treatment on and Bob's your Uncle, it solves the problem but no, having to spend ages combing the fuckers out because other mothers don't realise this is a right bloody PITA!" and hopefully it will make her realise and do something about it?

whojamaflip · 22/06/2012 00:27

Why don't you do what a friend of mine did......

Invite said child for sleepover, pretend its nit night and comb and treat her at the same time as your dcs? Then at least you know you've had a go a breaking the cycle......

Not sure if I would have the nerve to do it but its an option....Smile

WorraLiberty · 22/06/2012 00:34

whojam that's a great idea!

Original poster
msrantsalot · 22/06/2012 00:36

I have done their nits before when they stayed over and they were really bad but at the moment after me bringing up the issue her kids aren't even allowed in my house and we dont talk anymore

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WorraLiberty · 22/06/2012 00:39

Speak to the school if you're really concerned.

If she had her kids taken a way by SS 2yrs ago, they'll still be working with the family and school.

Therefore the CP officer at the school can raise it with them as a possible neglect issue.

Original poster
msrantsalot · 22/06/2012 00:42

Well I would but its the holidays now and thats when they play together and thats when it all kicks off again, her kids are not in my DDs class so to be fair she is catching them at home and not at school

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whojamaflip · 22/06/2012 00:42

bugger Angry

sneaky call to her hv? (depends on your hv I suppose) or get another mum at school to have a word or maybe several mums at school

Is it something SS would be interested in? as they have been involved before

Sorry just throwing out a stream of consiousness...Smile

ShullBit · 22/06/2012 00:43

Thing is, even if you manage to treat them yourself, unless the mother washes the bedding on a hot wash, replace hair brushes etc, they are more likely to go home and get reinvested again:(

NovackNGood · 22/06/2012 00:44

I still can't understand why you would let your own children socialise with such a family. For sure tell the other mothers, maybe the dirty mare will finally take note.

Original poster
msrantsalot · 22/06/2012 00:53

Yeah I don't really want my DD to socialise with them, but its not the kids fault, also the kids are friends. She has her HV in her pocket, there is a lot more going on than just the nits. She was supposed to be moving but ended up fighting in the street with another neighbour cos she had dumped her kids on them and went to the pub and was too drunk to look after them when she came home. The swap she was in for fell through when her tenancy application got rejected by other council, but she has got her HV writing refs for her(or so she claims).I dont really know (or want to know) full story I just wish she would go...

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