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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

If you recognised RL self in another mumsnetter's post

86 replies

PatheticTrumpet · 21/06/2012 13:59

Wwyd?

Has this ever happened on here, I wonder?

If it has to you - what did you do?

Did you confront that person in RL?

Did you just keep quiet and post a few leading messages on mumsnet to make sure you were right?

Or was it just pure coincidence?

I'm just wondering tbh - cant say I've noticed anything about me in particular on here yet

OP posts:

Ismeyes · 21/06/2012 14:09

Yes, it happened to me. It was a few years ago, and it was nothing too shocking about me in particular, but did relate to my friendship group. I didn't confront, I just let the friendship go quietly without incident.
I've recognised a couple of others on here from certain details they have given out too, but they haven't written anything about me. I know because I then do a username search just to double check

PeaceLoveAndFakeSparklyCrap · 21/06/2012 14:17

Last year my ExSil posted something about my SBXH and said some nasty (untrue) things about me in her post. I confirmed it was her the same way a Ismeyes with a forum search.

I have also been outed by someone I knew in RL after she recognised me in a post.
Now I name change every so often, I like the annoynimity on MN, I like to share my personal experiences and opinions, I also like to be able to talk about private things that I would not discuss in real life, such as my awful marriage and past abuse.

KellyElly · 21/06/2012 14:27

God no never. That's quite scary that can actually happen. Maybe I should make my name less like my name? Mind you the only people I have posted about are my ex and my parents and I don't think either of them use MN. Food for thought though.

Wheezo · 21/06/2012 14:29

I have recognised a poster on here (and she would probably recognise me when I've posted on specific issues under another name) but it's not been about me.

However I did feel under a duty to 'declare' I knew it was her in a PM (or I think I texted/facebooked her) - is that odd? On the basis that I wanted her to know I was supportive of her position but also so she didn't continue posting thinking she was anonymous but I don't really know what the etiquette is to be honest?

I've also recognised another RL friend on here (again not posting anything controversial but she was posting about something making her sad at 3am in the morning so I was able to pick up the phone to her knowing we were both awake!). Then means ppl can change their usernames if they want to when they know who you are. I namechange fairly frequently just to keep my RL friends on here on their toes!

GrassyBanker · 21/06/2012 15:18

I have recognised a poster on here too.

Am monitoring the situation to see just how far she goes ....

TroublesomeEx · 21/06/2012 15:19

It's hard to know sometimes how recognisable you are from things you have posted on here.

I think I'm completely anonymous, yet if you did know me, I would be recognisable from things I've written. I used to NC quite a lot if I thought that I'd said too much but actually think I'd prefer to stick with one name.

I would like to say at this point that if anyone has recognised me, I would really appreciate you telling me!! I've no interest in linking your MN identify with the RL you, but I do use on here to vent a bit about the shit stuff that's going on and I'm quite a private person so there are certain things that I only mention on here.

But no, I've never recognised anyone else, or my RL self in someone else's post.

IneedAbetterNicknameIn2012 · 21/06/2012 15:20

I recognised someone on here who was on the same FB group as me, as she posted the same thing on here and there. We are now Fb friends (and I can't even remember her MN name )

Dawndonna · 21/06/2012 15:21

I know somebody on here knows me, albeit in a roundabout way, but we've discussed it.
I hope anybody else would let me know.

swearytramp · 21/06/2012 15:22

I'm rubbish - anyone could identify me - but it doesn't really bother me to be honest. If I really had something I wanted to keep confidential I would N/C.

IneedAbetterNicknameIn2012 · 21/06/2012 15:22

I do worry sometimes that I might be recognised on here, but if anyone ever asks me I shall deny using MN

KellyElly · 21/06/2012 15:23

GrassyBanker are you my ex lol

NiniLegsInTheAir · 21/06/2012 15:24

I havn't recognised anyone but fear that some things I put on here about my relationship will make me recognisable to friends I know also use the site.

I just hope if anyone has realised who I am that they will let me know about it rather than just 'monitor from afar'.

Rindercella · 21/06/2012 15:37

It can be deeply unpleasant when you are recognised, believe me!

I posted stuff that I thought would be pretty anonymous under this name, about a specific person. And then my life turned upside down and the culmination of things I was posting about (new DD2, DH diagnosed with cancer, father dying, moving house, DH dying...) made me very identifiable in RL. Someone came on here looking for me (no DC themselves, no interest in parenting), found me, went through my posting history and went absolutely ballistic at me. Tbf, the things I had said about them were pretty horrible although justifiable and I can imagine reading it caused a lot of hurt for which I am sorry.

I guess that's the problem, you post about inanities and then when stuff happens to put all of that into perspective (ie not important at all), it still exists in the ether for all to read. I would also say that posts made over a long period of time can suddenly stack up into something quite substantial when read in one sitting.

Still keeping my persona - I like it. I just n/c when I have something extra private to discuss.

monkeymoma · 21/06/2012 15:42

someone I was in a friendship group with posted somewhere else (not MN) about her whole friendship group, someone read it and copied and pasted it and emailed it to us all! I wasn't too hurt as she was more of an aquaintance to me but her "best friends" in the group were very hurt and they're not friends any more

I have 100% identified someone on here but don't really want to PM them as I don't really wanna get back in touch with them, they're very clingy/needy - I couldn't be doing with stricking up contact again!

I have MAYBE identified a few others

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 21/06/2012 15:43

I have been recognised and someone asked if I was Betty....I denied it :)

takingiteasy · 21/06/2012 15:44

How do you namechange?

HaLaMa · 21/06/2012 15:46

I name change literally every 2 weeks, I am paranoid.

HaLaMa · 21/06/2012 15:47

taking it easy, under resgistration details on my mumsnet

minouminou · 21/06/2012 15:51

Betty - if the person who asked you sees your post above.....you'll be doubly outed!!!
it'll be like this

I've seen someone on baby names going on about DS' name. It's an unusual name, and the person thought he was a girl (he has long hair) so we were "trying to be different".
I was gagging to pitch in and ask if they were in our area, but restrained myself.....

Gentleness · 21/06/2012 15:51

My dozy dh told MIL I use mumsnet, "And her username is ....". I cannot imagine she comes on here and I don't think I've said anything awful but I still wanted to kill him for about half an hour.

tomverlaine · 21/06/2012 15:54

i have -actual post about me was trivial but annoying. What i find more difficult is posters who post about a situation which i know about but where their summary omits a lot of the facts- it makes you realise how biased MN is. I haven't responded to poster in that situation as i think they view MN as private/cathartic although i think it is dangerous as it reinforces a biased view whilst appearing subjective.

I also know someone who was/is really hurt by posting on here (they already knew the posters nickname and then recognised themselves)

HaLaMa · 21/06/2012 16:05

thing is Tom, everything is always one sided, its like, you could both tell the story of a row, both be telling the truth, in your eyes, but the truth is an amalgamation of both side, with some other stuff added in.

mayaswell · 21/06/2012 16:10

I've recognised some of the things I've done and said, but they weren't referring to me, it's why I like it here I've learned a lot about life!
Every time I mention MN I'm met with looks of disdain or disinterest so I think I'm safe.
Someone did ask me if I was on Netmums the others day...

biddysmama · 21/06/2012 16:10

i recognised a fb friend and pmd her to tell her but now ive forgotten her username lol. dont know if anyone knows me tho, would prefer them to tell me tbh

GhostOfAWasp · 21/06/2012 16:16

I've recognised three real life friends on here, and both times have had a chat with them so they know who I am, and that I've clocked them. I name change a lot personally as have been on here for a good few years and have posted during some very traumatic times, but don't necessarily want that following me around, IYSWIM. Not recognised myself in a post yet, although I sometimes wonder!

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