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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to press charges on an 11/12 year old?

94 replies

Ruudiluca · 20/06/2012 17:15

I was sitting in my living room yesterday and the school on my road had finished for the day. All the kids were walking past my house to get to the bus stop.
I looked up and saw 2 boys looking into my window laughing and the next minute my living room window smashed.
I ran outside to get a look at them and a lovely group of kids came running up to me and gave me the names of the boys that done it.
I rang the school who were helpful and urged me to ring the police, so I called 101 and an officer came round to visit yesterday evening. He looked at the damage and said he would pass it on to the officer that is linked with the school.
Today I have got a call from the school telling me the boys have been "spoken" to and have been punished. When I discussed about who was going to pay for my window (i.e. parents) they were shocked (as though they thought I would pay) and quickly ended to conversation.
So now I am mad because I have been left with a triple glazed window that was replaced not even a month ago and it looks like I will be shelling out for it AND the kids that done it have just been "spoken" to.

AIBU to contact the officer in charge of the school and ask to press charges on the kids because what they have done is criminal damage. If the boys had come and apologized and their parents had offered to pay, I admit I would not be thinking of doing this.

OP posts:

veritythebrave · 20/06/2012 19:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DrSeuss · 20/06/2012 19:38

I am a teache and a parent and I would expect the vandals to pay for their vandalism. Should my child ever do such a thing, I would expect to pay for the damage and to make a personal apology. You have the names, give them to the police, making clear that you feel action is appropriate then let them decide.

Yummymummyyobe1 · 20/06/2012 19:39

I would approach the police again and push for them to press charges after all this was a case of criminal damage and then I would also sue the relevant person for costs etc. At the end of the day if they are not punished they will never learn right from wrong. xx

ImperialBlether · 20/06/2012 19:46

I would definitely press charges. How are they going to learn not to do that if all they get is a detention? I would tell the police now that you want to charge them and that you want their parents to pay for the damage. You can sue through the civil courts for that.

It's not good enough if the parents just pay for the damage.

WhereYouLeftIt · 20/06/2012 19:47

"im never sure where this idea of an indervidual pressing charges comes from its the police via the cps who do that."

I believe before the CPS was created (1986?), charges were pressed by individuals. Or not pressed, as victims got intimidated out of it, hence the creation of the CPS.

BCBG · 20/06/2012 19:58

Don't want to out myself, OP but I have a great deal of experience with youth justice, if that helps at all...if you ask the police to take it further, (and IMHO you should) the police will probably want to go the Restorative Justice route, as this is being rolled out across the country. They will ask you if you want to attend a meeting with the boys so that you can explain the effect of what they did had on you and your family. Even if you don't want a face to face meeting, they can still be required to write a letter of apology, for instance. This would also mean that if they do it again, the police will also have a record of the RJ intervention on file, and that may well affect a decision to prosecute a second matter. Unless they have already received cautions or Final warnings it is very unlikely indeed that they would actually be prosecuted. All the available current evidence indicates that the most effective way of preventing youngsters from committing low level crime and anti-social behaviour is the restorative approach. It may well be that the police DO decide to charge them, as that way a compensation award could be made, (parents to pay if child is under 16). TBH this is not really a school matter, but as other posters have said, one for the police.

marriedinwhite · 20/06/2012 20:08

Whilst I agree that it's a matter for the police, the boys were in school uniform and therefore representing their school. I think society is being done a huge disservice by educationalists and this notion that if vandalism/violence occurs outside school it is nothing to do with the school. I may be ancient but when I went to school and a girl in uniform was responsible for misdemeanour - in those days usually swearing on the bus reported by an elderly person (or eating in the street ), during assembly the entire school would have had the letter read out and listened to how disappointing such behaviour was and what the punishments would be if the culprits were caught. There were punishments too and had a child assaulted another or made threats the sanction would have been expulsion. There were consequences and consequences were felt.

Nowadays of course we have PSHE which as far as I have been able to see is a dressed up excuse for "he or she is deprived and doesn't have support therefore the rules have to be differentiated and it really doesn't matter if other children, citizens are frightened, assaulted or suffer detriment".

Funnily enough there are still consequences in the independent sectors - that's why we moved DD from her outstanding comp last year.

willzila · 20/06/2012 20:10

yanbu

Springforward · 20/06/2012 20:18

YANBU, you'll need a crime number for your insurer anyway.

Original poster

Ruudiluca · 20/06/2012 20:28

Right I have had a visit from a police officer that works closely with the school and sorts out bullying ect.

It seems that this is not the boy's first offense (he is only 12 ).
The boy will be cautioned (I think that is what he said anyway).

However because he is claiming it is his friend that threw the rock and vice versa, his parents wont pay for it because they believe the boy.

GRRR. More stress! The police officer told me I should consider taking the parents of both boys to a small claims.

OP posts:

Oppsididitagain · 20/06/2012 20:30

whereyouleftit, thank you for that i had never known why it was set up.

thekidsrule · 20/06/2012 20:35

typical attitude of some parents "it wasnt my child" give us strength

op thanks for update,poor you,id be pretty hacked of by now

ivykaty44 · 20/06/2012 21:06

However because he is claiming it is his friend that threw the rock and vice versa, his parents wont pay for it because they believe the boy.

Both boys were there, both boys were laughing at the window and one boy didn't try and stop the other from throwing the rock at any time - so split the cost between the two.

DrSeuss · 20/06/2012 21:15

Small claims costs you nothing as you speak for yourself and do not need a lawyer. Do it!

Tigerstripes · 20/06/2012 22:11

"small claims costs you nothing". That's not quite true - it costs minimum £25 and goes up depending on how much you are claiming for. However, you add any costs on to your claim and if you win then you get the costs back as well as the claimed amount. It is very easy and you fill it in online so definitely give it a go.

If they don't respond to the claim you win by default!

izzyizin · 20/06/2012 22:40

Claim online here www.moneyclaim.gov.uk

If you haven't got the details already, ask the police to provide the name and address of the parents of the boy who has been/will be cautioned and file a claim against them.

It's highly unlikely that they'll succeed in a defence of another minor having broken your window if their child has been cautioned and others haven't, iyswim.

If they squawk that they're having to pay up for something their little diddums didn't do, tough - they can file their own claim against the other child's dps.

izzyizin · 20/06/2012 22:43

split the cost between the two.

If the OP was to pursue this course of action, ivykaty, they'd have to file two separate claims and pay 2 lots of fees to do so, and it could get very messy.

NovackNGood · 20/06/2012 23:01

I don't think you can decide if the police hand this on to be prosecuted so pressing charges is an americanism is it not. If you have the names of the suspected vandals and you have a crime number you should have contacted your insurance any way as you no doubt want the window replaced ASAP and your insurance company could pursue them for the cost of repair. If you are left out of pocket at all could you make a small claims case against them?

duckdodgers · 20/06/2012 23:50

I would be loathe to give a 12yo (however stupid) a criminal record.

Well you have never had the misfortune to live next door to the 11 year old boy that I do - we charged him with seriously assaulting our son.(only 1 of many assaults). The verbal name calling is almost daily and we are meant to excuse him because hes just a child and had a hard life. Plus hes got a useless Mum who alternates between being scared of him herself and sticking up for him because she believes his pathological lies.

Last straw was my DH whos a childminder being told by the Care Commision that unless we move he has to give up his business because hes started being abusive to the mindees, totally lawless. So we are having to leave our home to save my DHs business , all because of a nasty little child.

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