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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to press charges on an 11/12 year old?

94 replies

Ruudiluca · 20/06/2012 17:15

I was sitting in my living room yesterday and the school on my road had finished for the day. All the kids were walking past my house to get to the bus stop.
I looked up and saw 2 boys looking into my window laughing and the next minute my living room window smashed.
I ran outside to get a look at them and a lovely group of kids came running up to me and gave me the names of the boys that done it.
I rang the school who were helpful and urged me to ring the police, so I called 101 and an officer came round to visit yesterday evening. He looked at the damage and said he would pass it on to the officer that is linked with the school.
Today I have got a call from the school telling me the boys have been "spoken" to and have been punished. When I discussed about who was going to pay for my window (i.e. parents) they were shocked (as though they thought I would pay) and quickly ended to conversation.
So now I am mad because I have been left with a triple glazed window that was replaced not even a month ago and it looks like I will be shelling out for it AND the kids that done it have just been "spoken" to.

AIBU to contact the officer in charge of the school and ask to press charges on the kids because what they have done is criminal damage. If the boys had come and apologized and their parents had offered to pay, I admit I would not be thinking of doing this.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ruudiluca · 20/06/2012 18:10

To those saying it is not by decision to press charges, I know. I think I have explained myself wrong. I can choose to take it further or leave it as a recorded incident (but still get a reference number for insurance). If I take it further the boys will be talked to by police and cautioned, but ultimately it is up to them to charge them ect.

OP posts:
JustFabulous · 20/06/2012 18:11

If my child did this I would have gone round immediately to give money to pay for it.

YANBU and I would make it clear they pay or you push for charges to be pressed.

LaurieFairyCake · 20/06/2012 18:11

Then if I were you (and I'm not so feel free to reject it) I would take it further. I would then hope the parents would step in and offer to pay.

JumpingThroughHoops · 20/06/2012 18:12

Have the police offered to press charges on your behalf?

If you have a crime number and they are cautioned, you can pursue through the small claims court for out of pocket expenses such as the excess on your insurance policy.

JustFabulous · 20/06/2012 18:12

Maybe it was only your window because you were there? I would insist the school ask them why they did it.

Birdsgottafly · 20/06/2012 18:12

You cannot hold the threat over not paying for the window, or you go to the police, unless you know that the parents have the means to pay.

They can tell you that they will and you will have no redress once time as passed. Contact them a few times and you are harrassing them.

We need Judge Judy in this country, but we don't and what we do have costs a lot of money.

A court will not take payment out of Welfare Benefits, if they are in receipt of them and if they are known to services they will be let off with it.

You would be best to go tothe police and take it from there.

I have been talked to by pastoral care and not the head master or deputy

It is the pastoral support who deals with behaviour issues. I do wonder if they were in receipt of this, anyway.

LaurieFairyCake · 20/06/2012 18:13

Actually what I'd do is tell the officer that I will take it further unless the parents pay for the damage.

Then it means that the parent can choose to let their child have the caution or not and it gives them a chance to put it right.

Ephiny · 20/06/2012 18:13

Where are the boys' parents in all of this - have they been informed by the school or the police? I'm amazed that they wouldn't have contacted you to apologise and offer to pay for the damage, I would be absolutely mortified if a child of mine ever did something like this and would do all I could to make amends.

Can you contact the police again to ask what is being done, and if nothing, why not? A 'talking to' hardly seems like enough for a premeditated crime like this, and will hardly be a deterrent to them. Aside from the vandalism side, throwing a rock through a window could surely have injured someone, and they did this knowing there were people inside!

Dprince · 20/06/2012 18:13

Personally I would ask to speak to the school officer and advise them I would want to press charges. I would advise him, working to the kids and detention were not enough and I expect the damages to be paid for.
I am sorry but a talking to is not good enough. They purposely damaged your property and were lucky no one was hurt.
It these type of kids that think its funny to drop paving slabs off motorway bridges.

TheCunningStunt · 20/06/2012 18:14

I agree with others, if it was my child, I would pay. And my lord would they "pay" me back! I'd be furious at them. I don't think YABU to want to take it further. Can you tell the school you are thinking of pressing charges if the parents don't step up?

anklebitersmum · 20/06/2012 18:14

WHAT?! Shock
Their parents should pay up and look big and if they choose not to gain recompense from their offspring then that's their lookout.
Why are the parents not already involved? I would be mortified if my son (or daughter) had done this and I had not been notified by the school. A telling off would be the least of one of mine's worries I can tell you.
Absolutely, not an ounce of doubt in my mind, not good enough to 'just have a talking to'.

thekidsrule · 20/06/2012 18:16

Birds,the court will take a fine and compensation out of welfare benefits,normally £5 a week depending on income (thats if welfae benefits are involved)

or do you mean the courts cant make the parents pay?????

Original poster
Ruudiluca · 20/06/2012 18:16

JustFabulous That is what my husband said. Which in my mind makes it bloody worse because they knew I would be watching. They laughed in my face and then damaged my house.
It's annoying because I dont know what they thought they would achieve from it, they saw I had a baby on my lap so it wasnt like I was going to chase them down the road.
Luckily my brother picked my son up from school today otherwise I would have been there and never seen who had done it. And would have had a nightmare with insurance like I did with the bloody riots :(!

OP posts:
thekidsrule · 20/06/2012 18:18

Dprince,we think alike regarding motorway bridges,makes me shudder

Birdsgottafly · 20/06/2012 18:24

"or do you mean the courts cant make the parents pay"

If the OP is insured then the court will not necessarily make the parents pay. That's if it gets to court, the police can use other interventions beside from the criminal justice system.

The OP could do some research and find out their circumstances, first.

The families are deemed as 'Vulnerable' then they wouldn't impose a fine, but use other methods.

Was more than one object thrown and do you still have them? You have cleaned upthe glass etc, so a case is less likely. If you are going to the police make it soon.

ivykaty44 · 20/06/2012 18:24

I don't see how you are going to get the addresses of the boys - the school and the police will not be allowed to give out this information due to data protection.

I would go back to the police and ask how they are going to take this forward as you wish to seek damages for the window.

Then after you have an answer from the police, you will know whether to seek legal advise - which I think is the mostly likely outcome - or whether the police will get this sort -which I think is unlikely.

With legal advise you will then be able to proceed.

ivykaty44 · 20/06/2012 18:26

i would also suggest a neighbours meeting about the vandals and how to tackle a growing problem - then as a group get the police and school involved to see what can be done to stop/prevent further actions of this kind

Hulababy · 20/06/2012 18:27

It doesn't matter why the op's house was targetted imo. And it doesn't matter that the children are only 12y.

They did it on purpose and they, at 12y, know it is wrong.

There are two parts really to this..

(a) who is going to pay? Why should the OP have to lose out financial - either by paying for the replacement or on increased premiums next year?

(b) the boys need a good shock to make them face up to what they did and why it is not right. To let them get away with it will not help them in the long run.

AdventuresWithVoles · 20/06/2012 18:30

I wondered if you were in fact deliberately targetted, like if they decided days ago that they would do some mischief to you or yours.

WhereYouLeftIt · 20/06/2012 18:36

"Look, this may be a separate problem, but sounds like OP lives on a street with plenty of other houses & only hers was targetted. I would seriously want to know why."

That reads two ways to me, one of which could be blaming the victim for provoking the attack in some way? I hop this is not what is meant.

There could be lots of reason why they picked her house rather than the others. Hers could be the house they had reached when the daring each other to chuck the rock reached the point of no return. Hers could have been the only one with someone in the room and they wanted to see the look on someone's face as their window got smashed. Hers could have a short-enough garden for their rock to reach the window. All manner of random 'reasons'.

AdventuresWithVoles · 20/06/2012 18:37

C my last post, WYLI. Hopefully it's just a random act of vandalism.

DreamingofSummer · 20/06/2012 18:38

You issue an ultimatum - pay up and apologies or you'll press charges

Original poster
Ruudiluca · 20/06/2012 18:39

AdventuresWithVoles oh ok sorry, I got confused. But I very much doubt I had been targeted for a reason because I have never seen these boys in my life. x

OP posts:
5madthings · 20/06/2012 19:03

the op says further in the thread there have been other incidents of vandalism in the street, this is the first time it has happened to you ruudiluca ? it does just sound like 'bad luck' they were being little shites and the rock was near your house so they threw it at your windown, had it been a few yards further down the street it would most likely have been the next house along.

say to the police you want it taken further and you could perhaps request that the school pass a letter on to the parents of the boys, htey dont have to give your their names and address, just you give it to the school and they forward it on?

Oppsididitagain · 20/06/2012 19:16

im never sure where this idea of an indervidual pressing charges comes from its the police via the cps who do that.

nobody can insist on them doing so but they can insist that the police start the process.

chances are the young people concerned will get a referal order this has to be ordered via the courts and is usually by way of court order after court costs and compensation has been decided. referal orders have a very high sucess rate but moneyty issues with regard to such young minors have a huge amount of issues.
that said if it were my child i would be paying for any damage and recouping the cost from my child by way of chores or removing costed treats untill such time as i was paid back this was a delibrate act not an accident.

its possible that this wont be the end result after all the school are not charged with dealing with criminal acts thats the job of the police and courts perhaps you could phone the school and enquire if that is the sole action that will happen. if you are not happy with the result then call the officer who dealt with the matter.

if your insured then after your insurance company deal with it it is down to them to attempt to recoup costs from the perpatrator

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