AIBU to uninvite this couple?

[DevonQueen]

a couple we know invited us to their xmas party. we don't know them well but accepted their invitation.

i like the mum. our dds are friends at school.

my 40th is coming up soon and we sent a text out letting people know the date in advance. it was going to be a big party so we included them to reciprocate their invitation.

fast forward 2 months... we went to a party 2 weeks ago and the bloke in question was unbelievably rude to dh (personal comments thinly veiled as humour). he has also been v rude to me on one occasion- supposedly in a jokey way.

dh and i honestly do have a sense of humour, but this man is insufferable, in our opinion.

i really dont want him there, but his dw is nicer. if he comes, my dh would prob punch him if he was rude again.

so what do i do? AIBU to uninvite them? and if so how do i go about it? its further complicated by the fact that i want to invite some other mums.

If you've already told them about the party, I think you have to invite them. Just don't ask them next time

Invite them
Tell your DP to avoid the husband or have a witty retort ready
You are blowing this out of proportion
In the scramble of the party it shouldn't be hard to avoid them

OP, your friend's husband sounds like an absolute twat. Totally understand why you and your dh must loathe him.

He sounds crass and probably just not very smart if that's all he can come up with when he sees your dh.

Going through some kind of charade to effectively disinvite them sounds a bit crass too, I'd still be inclined to go ahead with the invitation and when they turn up, your dh should take control and when he sees him, should just say, hello and yes before you say it, I'm still bald, drinks are over there, help yourself, enjoy the party and then he should just move on.

You might also want to say something to the wife in advance along the lines of, hey it's my party, want everyone to have a good time, do you mind telling your dh to lay off the baldie and any offensive jokes.

Really think it's unlikely she will bring him to the party when she knows how you feel, it's embarrassing for her but I think this is a more honest, straight forward way of dealing with it.

What a bloody pain in the arse for you, all this thought and planning because of such a twat.

But I do think you will be the better person for it, two wrongs and all that...

Can't you and your dh think of a rude, jokey remark for him? There must be something you can pick on.

Yopu can't have them around and be frosty, that's unwelcoming and it might spoil your night. I think you have to genuinely have them in your home or (and I'm sure this would be really hard) uninvite them, as others have said, politely but honestly.

Mince's is a good idea, spares everyone's feelings.

Still think it would be nice for the poor woman to be given a break from her stoopid H, though.

He sounds totally uncomfortable and out of his depth socially; remarks about someone's physical appearance! Beyond the pale! And then some more...He obviously has nothing interesting to say and can't even be gracious, yuck.

OP, I can think of another situation where someone has to endure personal comments on a daily basis; DC, born and bred in the UK has never had a day at prep school without a 'humourous' comment about being half french. Such fun!

thanks so much everyone

interesting to hear your stories of tedious personal remarks. what a bore, eh?

just to update, i spoke to dh last night and he was adamant that this man is not coming. so, i just have to uninvite them. somehow. i think i will go for the honest option...

BUT WAIT... just had a sudden realisation... in a hilarious/ ironic twist to the saga, the theme for the party is... wait for it.... a WIG party . seriously. you couldnt make it up, could you? am chuckling away as i write

he's still not f-ing coming though.

to those who say it s a big party, they have to come and we should just give him a wide berth: sorry if you missed it due to my dripfeeding, but it is now a smaller party and in my home. not the same as neutral venue, imo.

Fair enough, your DH is entitled to choose who can or cannot benefit from his hospitality. Problem solved.

Very funny to hear what the party theme is! That's it then, surely you wouldn't want to put rude man through the disorientation and confusion of seing hair on your DH's head. It might really mess up with his mind.

Enjoy your party!