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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to question what should happen next

67 replies

worriedwretch · 18/06/2012 21:21

a 3rd party - who is employed by the council to teach my daughter (not a school teacher, but an activity in the ciriculum) has passed on information regarding my DD to a 3rd party (who happens to be DD's biological father, my violent ex) regarding DD's whereabouts during school days and activities, and invited him along to come and spectate - as will be in the "public" area.

the school are concerned and have contacted me asking what I would like them to do.... what do i do?

EX is not allowed contact unless prior agreed with me (as per court order which school have copy of)

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 18/06/2012 21:22

How did they manage to pass the info on to him?

Original poster
worriedwretch · 18/06/2012 21:23

in a social situation

OP posts:
lovebunny · 18/06/2012 21:23

this is a nightmare.

the 3rd party needs to be disciplined by his/her employers.

contact your solicitor.

DashingRedhead · 18/06/2012 21:23

Refuse permission and get the third party disciplined. Unacceptable.

AltruisticEnigma · 18/06/2012 21:24

I am sure there must be a written rule in his line of work that doesn't permit him to share information about any individual children. If you feel that your child might be in danger I would remove them from that activity. Speak to the person at hand and tell them that you do not wish them to be telling your ex partner where your child is and that he has no right to do so. The reasons behind this is none of his business but that he is acting unprofessionally and that you do not want to be told of a similar event happening.

Really unprofessional though. I can't blame you for being annoyed. Good that the school told you though - lots of them don't. :(

Original poster
worriedwretch · 18/06/2012 21:25

surely as an employee of the council and providing service to school she should safeguard the child first and formost?

OP posts:
PomBearWithAnOFRS · 18/06/2012 21:25

Sounds like you need proper legal advice about this one. Surely this employee should have cleared it with you before telling anyone anything about your DD? or any of the children in their charge?
This sounds like there's a lot more to it than you've been able to tell us, and it sounds serious - could you perhaps ask the head teacher to advise you re the school's policies and position in all this, and then either your own solicitor or the CAB for some proper legal help.
If you think DD isn't safe, don't send her to the activity until it's all been sorted out.

AltruisticEnigma · 18/06/2012 21:26

A similar event happening in the future, that is.

I meant he or she - that sounded very sexist of me there :o

squeakytoy · 18/06/2012 21:27

I would want him sacked, never to be employed by a school again, and I would be absolutely furious.

I would hope that this is something that can go on his record and affect a CRB check too.

Dawndonna · 18/06/2012 21:27

What she has done is both unprofessional and illegal, have you asked her employer what they intend to do about it?

AltruisticEnigma · 18/06/2012 21:27

Oh and like the others have said don't hesitate to get your soliciter involved. There is a reason that he has to be given permission. A law has potentially been broken and therefore shouldn't be taken lightly.

squeakytoy · 18/06/2012 21:28

sorry, for some reason I assumed a "he" too.. my views stand the same on either gender

WorraLiberty · 18/06/2012 21:30

So she saw him in a social situation and invited him along...but how did the school get to hear about it?

YANBU though, that information is confidential.

Original poster
worriedwretch · 18/06/2012 21:33

ex contacted school and informed them that he will be attending 3rd party venue and watching DD partake

this is a weekly activity she does

involving water.... and arm bands

im trying to make this non google'able

im a regular btw, cunt worms etc

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 18/06/2012 21:35

did he already know which school she goes to then?

Original poster
worriedwretch · 18/06/2012 21:38

he hasnt had that information from me

and he is not allowed to know my address (as per court order)

OP posts:
DoesItComeInBlack · 18/06/2012 21:43

All members of school staff have to sign confidentiality forms, this is a serious breach. The staff member should be disciplined and I'd pull your dd from the activity if you have welfare concerns. I'm glad the school told you and that your ex was cocky enough to tell the school or you might never have known until it was too late.
I'd be livid if I was you! I'd definaitely want a meeting with the head and the staff member for a full explanation and details of how they propose to rectify this situation with regard to safeguarding your dd.

ENormaSnob · 18/06/2012 21:44

I would hit the roof tbh.

Massive safe guarding and confidentiality issues.

I would expect to be sacked if I did similar at work.

GiveTheAnarchistACigarette · 18/06/2012 22:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hiddenhome · 18/06/2012 22:09

Bloody hell, I'd push for the sack! Angry What an interfering scumbag.

fedupofnamechanging · 18/06/2012 22:10

So the swimming instructor met your ex in a social situation and told him what school your dd attends and invited him to come and watch swimming lessons?

Presumably the swimming instructor didn't know about the court order. Don't know if they have same obligations as school. Definitely seek legal advice.

I would definitely withdraw dd from the swimming lessons and would consult a solicitor about the rest. I don't think it is the school's fault but if you are concerned for her safety, you may have to think about changing schools.

And all because some big mouth couldn't stfu Angry

WorraLiberty · 18/06/2012 22:28

I'm not sure if the swimming instructors at the local pool will be bound by the same confidentiality rules as your child's school teachers will be?

The school has asked you what you would like them to do so I think you need to ask the school, What can you do?

They'll know how far you/they can take it and they do sound pretty good to have told you in the first place.

I know a lot of schools would have buried their heads in the sand (scuse the pun!)

Original poster
worriedwretch · 18/06/2012 22:30

worral surely swimming teachers / pe teachers / sport club coaches etc all have to have some form of confidentiality regarding childrens information?

School know full situation of DD & court order & perhaps should be making other people looking after DD aware of this or factoring it into risk assesments?

OP posts:
RightBuggerforit · 18/06/2012 22:31

I would get them to re-do the timetable to move when the activity happens, and ensure someone is there to police the entrance to the school and the activity area to make sure the ex is not admitted. I'd also be pushing for the bloody idiot to be flogged, or at the very least sacked, for the breach of confidentiality. What a twat.

WorraLiberty · 18/06/2012 22:39

I would have thought so worriedwretch but I'm not actually sure because perhaps it could be argued they're not privvy to information about court orders etc in the first place?

I really don't know but actually, I've got an appointment with DS's Head in the morning for something Governor related.

Would you like me to ask him and the Chair what they think about it? I'm sure they'd have some idea of whether they're bound by the same rules at least?