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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to question what should happen next

67 replies

worriedwretch · 18/06/2012 21:21

a 3rd party - who is employed by the council to teach my daughter (not a school teacher, but an activity in the ciriculum) has passed on information regarding my DD to a 3rd party (who happens to be DD's biological father, my violent ex) regarding DD's whereabouts during school days and activities, and invited him along to come and spectate - as will be in the "public" area.

the school are concerned and have contacted me asking what I would like them to do.... what do i do?

EX is not allowed contact unless prior agreed with me (as per court order which school have copy of)

OP posts:

hiddenhome · 18/06/2012 22:40

His employers must have some guidelines and policies around child safety, confidentiality etc. He should not be discussing any of the children in his care to anyone at all.

hiddenhome · 18/06/2012 22:42

He will be subject to confidentiality rules or what's to stop him from going down the pub and talking about the kids there or talking to parents about another child etc. If he's a public employee then he'll be subject to this.

JuicyOrange · 18/06/2012 22:43

Oh my goodness! I would be fuming as well. I assume you are not going to send DD to said activity now? :( Fr your DD that she misses out. Contact the persons boss, and then their boss if nothing happens. Surely the school also have a duty to inform extra curricular teachers of any child safety issues as well? Go mad at the head.

Birdsgottafly · 18/06/2012 22:46

The staff member has got to be sacked as that comes under the label of gross misconduct, which given that he has broken the law do do it, there cannot be any other course of action.

He will be trained in the confidentiality laws/guidelines/rules and also what is deemed as a safeguarding matter. There is no way that he can defend his actions.

Tbh, if he isn't sacked i would threaten to go public with this.

Birdsgottafly · 18/06/2012 22:50

"Surely the school also have a duty to inform extra curricular teachers of any child safety issues as well"

Not if they are sub-contracted, child protection is on a need to know basis and if the normal protocol suffices, which is would, then details of any orders, except 'looked after' children do not have to be shared.

JuicyOrange · 18/06/2012 22:54

Oh! Sorry. That sucks. Grr.

JuicyOrange · 18/06/2012 22:55

What about if a certain person (in this case the ex) is not allowed to collect them from an after school activity for example? (obvs not in this case as it is in school time, but you see what I am getting at?)

Birdsgottafly · 18/06/2012 22:57

"I'm not sure if the swimming instructors at the local pool will be bound by the same confidentiality rules as your child's school teachers will be"

Just to answer a few questions. S/He is employed by the Local Authority and wil be trained in the LA's rules, as would any employee working with Children and Families.

LA confidentiality guidelines are usually on the internet under the LA's website and extends to all employee's. Those that have contact with children have extended duties of care.

Original poster

worriedwretch · 18/06/2012 22:57

Juicy he wouldnt be allowed to collect her. Infact the school have that in writing that explicitly states he is not to remove her from the school under any circumstances

OP posts:

Birdsgottafly · 18/06/2012 23:01

"What about if a certain person (in this case the ex) is not allowed to collect them from an after school activity for example? (obvs not in this case as it is in school time, but you see what I am getting at?)"

They will be informed who can pick them up, rather than who cannot and will not be told why.

Everyone who works in these jobs knows that they shouldn't be sharing information of any sort to anyone. You are told to be very careful what you discuss in public, even if you are talking to the 'safe' parent, as you never know who is listening.

JuicyOrange · 18/06/2012 23:03

Ah ok. Thanks for clarifying. Sorry to derail.

OP, I hope you have a plan of action now based of the helpful posters above (not me, obvs!!) and you can get some answers.

Good Luck!

Original poster

worriedwretch · 18/06/2012 23:06

so tomorrow i go into school and ask for copies of email (redacted of his details if needed) which they said they would provide me - then ask for copies of schools safeguarding policies and risk assesments...

yea?

OP posts:

mummytime · 18/06/2012 23:13

I would also contact the swimming pool and/or ask the school what they are going to do wrt the pool.
I help with a holiday club in the summer, and we have had children whose photos can't be taken etc.

This is standard safeguarding training stuff. You might want to inform the police on the 101 number, just to forward them. Your ex should be banned from the pool area. This is perfectly reasonable, our pool bans people (there are some people who are not allowed to watch children swimming).

AKE2012 · 19/06/2012 00:14

Id hav created hell with the big mouth tw*t. They hav no right to tell anyone way ur child is doing. Im in a similar situation, my ex isnt allowed 2 know where we live n hes not to hav anything 2 do with the school. If i found out some1 was tellin him id want them sacked. Your childs safety comes first. Hope the school help u get it sorted.

izzyizin · 19/06/2012 02:28

What Birds has said.

This is a serious matter which warrants a formal complaint.

For starters, contact the council employee's line manager and inform them that you wish to invoke the complaints procedure.

If the school have not passed on safeguarding information regarding your dd to the organisers of any extra and/or curricular activities the school commissions, they are at fault.

Original poster

worriedwretch · 19/06/2012 07:03

First point of call is with the school this morning & I shall see what their
View is on the matter.

Could really do without this.
Don't want to pull her out of this activity or others like it. Really hope the school help.

OP posts:

LesbianMummy1 · 19/06/2012 07:15

Not got any other advice but just wanted to say I hope you get this sorted for you and your dd

CouthyMow · 19/06/2012 07:25

I would assume the school are willing to be helpful as they have told you about the safeguarding breach. A school that wasn't willing to help you wouldn't have bothered telling you.

fedupofnamechanging · 19/06/2012 08:00

I'm a bit confused. Forgive me if I've got this completely wrong, but I'm imagining the swimming teacher meeting the dad at a mutual friend's house or something (you said it was a social meeting that resulted in this?), and mentioning her job and him saying that his dd goes to X school and her mentioning that she will be doing swimming classes with that particular school and saying it's okay for him to come and watch.

Now it could have happened completely differently, in which case ignore me, but if it did happen like that, then the swimming instructor probably thought she was talking to a normal dad, not one with a court order against him. Generally she wouldn't be breaking any rules to talk to a parent about their child.

I'm guessing that the school hadn't mentioned the court order, because of confidentiality. I mean what are the odds of this happening?

Of course, if the swimming teacher did know about the order and discussed it anyway, then they want lynching.

redwineformethanks · 19/06/2012 08:16

Like karmabeliever I'm still not really understanding how the conversation arose, but appreciate you're trying not to give too much away. Good that the school are onto it. that's something

Geeklover · 19/06/2012 08:32

I had a similar situation with my ex and our head was fab.
She has access to the LA's legal team and contacted them to get advice on the legal stand point. It may be discussing that option with the school as well.

Original poster

worriedwretch · 19/06/2012 09:43

karma we live in a rural situation and I know the swimming teacher personally too. Have done for many years. She may not be aware of wording of court order however she is aware of history between ex and myself and court battles etc

I now have a copy of emails. And safeguarding policy & meeting booked with head.

What do I do re pool?

OP posts:

manicbmc · 19/06/2012 09:54

Could you get your solicitor to send your ex a letter reminding him of the court order and the conditions within it?

Seems he is going to breech it.

And the swimming instructor should not divulge any information about any children - should be disciplined.

Original poster

worriedwretch · 19/06/2012 19:55

Oh and now my RL has done this face and told me to let it wash over me and forget all about it. Ffs

OP posts:

Original poster

worriedwretch · 19/06/2012 19:56

RL friend *

That should say!

OP posts:

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