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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU about downstairs neighbour?

100 replies

Hyca · 18/06/2012 14:54

Hi, namechanger, I don't want to be outed in case my neighbour is on here!

I live in a 3 story house, my neighbour lives in the basement flat. We have been here for about 6 years, she lives there with her partner, been there about 18 months I think.

She has just come up to complain about the noise we make, and I am really annoyed with her.

She is in her 20s, but never goes out, stays in at the weekend, never has parties etc. She says hi if she passes, but isn't very friendly - her partner is a bit more chatty, goes out more often etc.

Anyway, today she came up to ask me to keep the noise down. She has done this before, about a year ago, it was summer and we were having a lot of barbeques and parties with friends - nothing too late or loud, but we had people round til about 2 in the morning maybe twice a week. Our garden is beside their bedroom, so I could see how it might be annoying, but it's not like it was every night. I apologised that time.

Now she's come up to say that a. my husband wakes her up every morning at 7 because he walks too heavily across the kitchen and b. she is working from home at the moment and that it is impossible to concentrate because of the noise my children and I make.

I am at home all day with my baby twins - we go out for about 2 hours in the afternoon, but with the crap weather, we are in a lot. She says that there is nowhere in the house she can sit in peace (maybe because our house is open plan and the noise carries.) She asked me to stop dropping things (!!!) and to maybe take the babies upstairs sometimes so she could work.

I honestly think she's being unreasonable. I'm not doing anything I shouldn't do - yes, I sing and chat to my babies, maybe I drop things sometimes, but what am I supposed to do? Sit in silence and never pick anything up in case it falls?

I said I was sorry, but I don't know what else she wants me to do.

AIBU?

OP posts:

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 18/06/2012 14:55

YABU for for the fact of having people round till 2 in the morning twice a week and being literally outside her bedroom window - that would really piss me off too.

redwhiteandblueeyedsusan · 18/06/2012 14:58

have you got carpets down?

playing upstairs is a lot less stressful, especially when they start jumping. you don't have to worry then.

you are entitled to live though so walking is fine.

Firawla · 18/06/2012 14:59

yanbu i think its quite petty when neighbours moan about normal noise levels, if you live close to others thats just what you have to get used to, she will have to screen it out.

the bbqs is a fair complaint, as 2am twice a week is quite often - personally i wouldnt be that bothered but i can see people being enraged by that! but complaining about dropping things or the babies etc, i think she should get a grip really.

there's nothing much you can do, i would just smile and nod then ignore her

Original poster

Hyca · 18/06/2012 15:01

We have floorboards.

We weren't outside til 2 in the morning, but I think she was complaining that people were going out for fag breaks and waking her up.

OP posts:

FrillyMilly · 18/06/2012 15:01

Having parties til 2am twice a week is very very unreasonable!

Have you got wooden floors? These seem to echo a lot so perhaps you could get carpets. However I do think she's being a bit harsh. If you live in a flat below people you have to expect to hear people's general day to day noise.

thisisyesterday · 18/06/2012 15:02

the fact that you think it's ok to have a party til 2am right outside their bedroom window twice a week makes me think that you are an incredibly unreasonable and inconsiderate neighbour.

the size of your house, and the age of your neighbour bear no relevance, nor does her social life or how outgoing she is.

i've been the person downstairs under a noisy upstairs neighbour and it is HELL. we moved in the end because it's just awful.
we could hear everything they did, going to the toilet, the doorbell ringing, their washing machine going, them having sex... it really is very intrusive.

i would do anything you can to reduce the noise, bet that putting rugs down, making sure you don't wear shoes in the house etc etc

HeadfirstForHalos · 18/06/2012 15:03

You are maybe a little U about the barbecues last year, but you apologised for that, it's irrelevant now.

YANBU about living like a normal person! Dropping things, kids playing/talking etc are all normal noises. How on earth can you try and drop things less? I don't know anyone that drops things on purpose lol.

twofingerstoGideon · 18/06/2012 15:05

Oh dear. Floorboards do not make for good neighbourly relations. Get some carpets down. YABU.

HeadfirstForHalos · 18/06/2012 15:05

we could hear everything they did, going to the toilet, the doorbell ringing, their washing machine going, them having sex... it really is very intrusive.

These are all noises to be expected in a flat though! Maybe not the sex...

lurkerspeaks · 18/06/2012 15:06

I'm a basement flat dweller with a family upstairs.

I can tell you when their children wake in the night, how long the feeds last and what is the 3 year olds current favourite toy is (a ball which he loves to bounce on the floor). I can tell you about their arguments and when they make up (vomit vomit). I woke this morning (after a very very busy and stressful weekend at work) to what I know is 'normal' family morning noise at 7am but as a tired childless adult all I wanted to do was sleep 'til 10!

I too sometimes work from home and in fact am doing so today. If my neighbour hadn't headed out with the kids I would have done as it just gets too noise. I'm an expert on quiet local coffee shops with wi-fi.

TBH we haven't complained about the 'family' noise - what can they do about it? Nor would I want her to try to limit her children playing but I do sometimes wish she would removed the sodding xylophone! I do internally rejoice when I see them going out when I'm at home. I would definitely complain about repeated late night social things - the saving grace in our situation is that they go to bed early!

if the sound insulation is that poor you do need to be considerate and it works both easy. For example I bollocked OH about using our washing machine late at night as I didn't think that was fair on them.

Oh and if you don't have carpet you need it. We though they had wooden floors but sadly they don't. YOu would be really, really amazed at how much sound travels downwards.

veritythebrave · 18/06/2012 15:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lurkerspeaks · 18/06/2012 15:08

ways.. not easy!

Original poster

Hyca · 18/06/2012 15:08

We weren't having a party outside til 2 in the morning. We were having a party, came inside when it got dark and people went out for the occasional cigarette.

I mentioned her age etc because I think she's just being a moaning minny. Surely if she went out a bit more she wouldn't be so annoyed? If you see what I mean?

I really don't want to get carpets, they're so unhygienic.

OP posts:

OhBuggerandArse · 18/06/2012 15:09

Are you heavy-footed? Some people are hugely more disturbing walking around on top of you than others. If you thump and clomp about it can get to the point where it is really hugely distressing. I would try having a very open mind to the fact that you are genuinely causing trouble to her, and think about what you could do to mitigate that. And you really shouldn't be having people smoking and chatting outside her bedroom window in the middle of the night. How could you possibly think that was ok?

squeakytoy · 18/06/2012 15:10

it was summer and we were having a lot of barbeques and parties with friends - nothing too late or loud, but we had people round til about 2 in the morning maybe twice a week. Our garden is beside their bedroom, so I could see how it might be annoying, but it's not like it was every night

I would have been utterly fucking livid if I had to put up with that... for that alone it is clear you have no consideration for others and are a nightmare neighbour..

squeakytoy · 18/06/2012 15:11

I really don't want to get carpets, they're so unhygienic.

not if you have a hoover and eat off plates...

veritythebrave · 18/06/2012 15:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Thumbwitch · 18/06/2012 15:12

Agree that you probably need carpets, sorry. It is bloody annoying, the non-stop noise - and while you should be able to carry on with your life, it is only fair that you try to minimise the noise (and carpets really do help).

I had neighbours next door to me with no carpets on their stairs or downstairs floors, and they were all elephant-footed (I know this because neither the previous nor the subsequent neighbours were anything like as noisy!) - stomping up the stairs every single time, god only knows what they were doing at some points because it sounded like they were tapdancing on the party wall!

Please be a bit kinder to your neighbour; it's like chinese water torture.

Original poster

Hyca · 18/06/2012 15:12

Like I've said, we weren't in the garden til 2 in the morning. People were having the occasional cigarette. OK, maybe we should have told them to go round the front, but we just didn't think.

I suppose my husband might walk quite heavily, he is a big guy, but what is he supposed to do? Just not walk?

OP posts:

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 18/06/2012 15:12

I think she's just being a moaning minny. Surely if she went out a bit more she wouldn't be so annoyed? If you see what I mean? - No I dont, that sentence makes you sound very very unreasonable! Why should she go out just because you cant keep your noise down. Maybe she works hard all day and is knackered and just wants some peace.

It's irrelevant whether people were just going outside for a fag - if they are chit chatting by her window its gonna wake her up and piss her off.

Thumbwitch · 18/06/2012 15:13

xposted - then you should do the decent thing and move to a ground floor flat or house.

akaemmafrost · 18/06/2012 15:13

I think you sound like a nightmare neighbour tbh.

Her social life is none of your business and NOTHING whatsoever to do with whether she finds your noise annoying.

Family noise, fair enough, I'd tell her to go whistle but fag breaks and people in and out by her bedroom at 2 am, twice a week would have me frothing. I think you're lucky she's only complained twice.

BobbiFleckman · 18/06/2012 15:13

what does your lease say about uncovered floors? it's usual for upstairs flats to have an obligation to properly cover floors with both underlay and carpet precisely to avoid this problem.

wellhellodolly · 18/06/2012 15:14

I'm bloody glad I don't live under you. I'd be close to throttling you if I had to put up with parties twice a week.

No wonder she's not going out of her way to be friendly to you!!

BiscuitNibbler · 18/06/2012 15:14

Is this a reverse AIBU?

If not, you are the neighbour from hell. Put some carpets down and stop ridiculing another person's feelings.

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