AIBU about downstairs neighbour?

[Hyca]

Hi, namechanger, I don't want to be outed in case my neighbour is on here!

I live in a 3 story house, my neighbour lives in the basement flat. We have been here for about 6 years, she lives there with her partner, been there about 18 months I think.

She has just come up to complain about the noise we make, and I am really annoyed with her.

She is in her 20s, but never goes out, stays in at the weekend, never has parties etc. She says hi if she passes, but isn't very friendly - her partner is a bit more chatty, goes out more often etc.

Anyway, today she came up to ask me to keep the noise down. She has done this before, about a year ago, it was summer and we were having a lot of barbeques and parties with friends - nothing too late or loud, but we had people round til about 2 in the morning maybe twice a week. Our garden is beside their bedroom, so I could see how it might be annoying, but it's not like it was every night. I apologised that time.

Now she's come up to say that a. my husband wakes her up every morning at 7 because he walks too heavily across the kitchen and b. she is working from home at the moment and that it is impossible to concentrate because of the noise my children and I make.

I am at home all day with my baby twins - we go out for about 2 hours in the afternoon, but with the crap weather, we are in a lot. She says that there is nowhere in the house she can sit in peace (maybe because our house is open plan and the noise carries.) She asked me to stop dropping things (!!!) and to maybe take the babies upstairs sometimes so she could work.

I honestly think she's being unreasonable. I'm not doing anything I shouldn't do - yes, I sing and chat to my babies, maybe I drop things sometimes, but what am I supposed to do? Sit in silence and never pick anything up in case it falls?

I said I was sorry, but I don't know what else she wants me to do.

AIBU?

do you not have the common sense to realise that people standing outside a ground floor bedroom window at night in the summer, when they would probably like to have their window open, but cant because some ignorant fuckwit is coughing their lungs up on a fag is right outside, is bloody rude?

not only that, you were all probably pissed, and the overhead noise, people going down stairs, slamming doors, taxis arriving.. would have been disturbing her..

I cant believe how inconsiderate some people are... and then when they get pulled up on it, they seem to think they are entitled to behave that way.

"I mentioned her age etc because I think she's just being a moaning minny. Surely if she went out a bit more she wouldn't be so annoyed? If you see what I mean?"

Really? she should go out more to accommodate your noisiness? And you think she's being unreasonable!

YABU. Parties till 2 in the morning outside their bedroom window. Only twice a week. Why don't you go out more and then she might get a bit of peace. (If that's unreasonable it's only what you are saying to her.) People are entitled to peace and quiet in their own homes.

People going out for an occasional cig during a party are unbelievably noisy. Cos they don't lower their voices, they just keep talking at "party level".

Also, when you're at a party you don't appreciate just how loud you're being to someone sitting quietly in their own flat.

We've had neighbours who were so noisy that we couldn't even hear our own TV when it was on really loud. It gets very irritating very quickly.

"the fact that you think it's ok to have a party til 2am right outside their bedroom window twice a week makes me think that you are an incredibly unreasonable and inconsiderate neighbour."

^this

I have lived in the basement flat of a large house and it was hellish. We moved the very second the lease expired. However, I don't think the family upstairs were particularly excessive with their noise - it just carried (partly due to floorboards...) So it sounds to me from what you say that you are not a very considerate neighbour, but it may well be that even if you were very very considerate, your neighbour's flat would still be noisy. Tricky one, but really thinking it's okay to send your mates out for a fag at 2am directly outside your neighbour's bedroom window (and that twice a week is 'not that often') tends to make me think if one of you is being unreasonable, it's probably you.

OK, we don't even really have parties any more since we had the babies, so she can't complain about that.

I really don't want to put down carpets :( I can't see how it would make that much difference anyway to be honest. She's complaining about me singing and stuff to the babies, I don't see how that would change just cos there's carpets down.

I've lived under someone with wooden floors before and the noise is very intrusive. So I'm sorry but YABU.

Have you tried rugs? Slippers? Please don't say you've got sound equipment on the floor (speakers/tv), that actually sounds louder underneath a wooden floor rather than above it.

If she is as you say she is (and you sound like you have judgy pants on), she's probably at her wits end to even have come up and mentioned it.

If you have her contact details I would happily tell her all about the day after a until 3am party when we accidentally left speakers on top of the wardrobe, high volume, playing Elton John's greatest hits on repeat when we went out. Noise and wooden floors can work both ways

...and yes I know I was being VU in doing that AND owning Elton Johns greatest hits.

What I hope OP is your 'moaning minnie' neighbour goes out, gets pissed up, wakes up your entire household a couple of times a week perhaps by banging on the ceiling repeatedly and then you might get a taster as to if why she's 'moaning' at you.

You can certainly make an effort to walk more lightly. Did your mother not bring you up not to thump about? If not, time you (and your husband) learned. And take your shoes off. All the time.

Of course it would change, carpets and underlay provide sound insulation against all sound, not just footsteps!

Well you could make an effort to soundproof your house a little, like through having carpets - but you've already instantly dismissed this idea, so it doesn't seem like you're genuinely concerned about understanding her predicament and trying to make things a little pleasant for her. She's not unreasonable for getting upset about the noise levels when you're not actually even willing to make any effort to minimise them.

This is one of these...

OP: AIBU?
Everyone: YABU.
OP: No, I'm not and I won't consider any of your suggestions.

Yabu.
You should have floor coverings.
It is usually in the lease that you should.
For this reason.
Just because she is young doesn't mean she can put u with noise.
What if she sunndely turns into a party animal? If she payed music loud enough to keep the kids up it would drive you insane but it wouldn't necessarily be too loud......just loud enough.

I was also thinking that MrsTerryPratchett

Carpets make a huge difference in terms of soundproofing. Floorboards are banned in our block of flats because the noise would drive people demented within hours; it's in the lease that you have to have carpets, and also to exercise consideration towards other residents about late night noise. Maybe you should try popping downstairs while your DH sings to the babies and see what it sounds like from underneath?

While it's not unreasonable to expect a certain amount of noise from neighbours, especially with small babies, having people round until 2am twice a week would wind me up, particularly if the noise was going on above my room and outside my bedroom window. And once an inconsiderate neighbour has put your back up like that, it's very hard not to notice all the noise they're making, instead of relying on good will to turn a deaf ear.

Of course it would change, carpets and underlay provide sound insulation against all sound, not just footsteps!

Oh, but the OP doesn't want to and her likes/dislikes obviously trump the downstairs neighbour's wellbeing.

Seriously, OP, are you not aware what the constant onslaught of noise can do to a person's mental health? I'm not surprised she's upset.

Agreed, MrsTP!

OP, Y A BU and refusing to accept that is even more U.

Yabu.
You should have floor coverings.
It is usually in the lease that you should.
For this reason.
Just because she is young doesn't mean she can put u with noise.
What if she sunndely turns into a party animal? If she payed music loud enough to keep the kids up it would drive you insane but it wouldn't necessarily be too loud......just loud enough.

We had a major problem with noisy neighbours where we used to live. I think the problem that you may now be facing is that she has no goodwill or tolerance left for you. You have been massively inconsiderate in the past so now she is no longer prepared to shrug her shoulders and expect a bit of disturbance because of how you behaved previously.

I know even after the neighbours quietened down following intervention by the council noise patrol and the landlord I couldn't really relax because I was just waiting for it all to start again because I didn't trust the neighbours to be considerate.

Sorry

YABU imo.

Here's an idea, OP: why don't you go out? Why should she have to leave the building just to get some respite from your noise?

Poor neighbour, you are obviously driving her half nuts.

It seems to me that she let a lot of annoyance build up when you were having lots of parties and BBQs and now is complaining over the slightest thing as she's had enough.

I know what that's like. I've had very noisy neighbours before and it gets to the point where even tiny noises start to piss you off as it wears you down a bit.

I get annoyed at our neighbours now as they only have BBQs maybe once a week...but they always seems to make the most noise when I'm trying to settle my DD in the evening and their garden is right near her room. Twice a week until 2am would drive me MAD, and I like to go out and play music etc.

I can't see how it would make that much difference anyway to be honest

It will make a great deal of difference - you could either carpet or put down thermal insulation and then wooden flooring on top - this would create a buffer for the noise and keep your house warmer.

Gosh, you sound massively unreasonable, I'm afraid to say.

Please put some carpets down -- they make a huge difference.

And yes, if it were me, I'd try to spend as much time upstairs as possible, just so I wouldn't have to worry about it.