For getting sick of people being disparaging or feeling sorry for me for having 2 boys?

[Belladonna666]

I have 2 boys. My husband only has brothers. His dad is only has brothers and so on. Basically there are no girls in the family for many years. They all see "girls" as the "ultimate prize" because of this.

Both times I was pregnant with my sons (and with their first grandchild) my MIL said that she hoped I was giving her a granddaughter. She said this again with my second son. She then forgot his birthday. She later said that she is upset that she doesn't have a granddaughter and constantly goes on about little girls.

Yesterday my FIL said that he didn't want any more grandsons (he has 5) and "enough with the boys, next one better be a girl". He said this in front of my older son.

I am constantly being told by strangers in the street "oh poor you" when they see I have 2 boys. Other comments are "don't you want to try for a girl", "you have your hands full" plus lots of other derogatory comments and even some from mums of girls saying how grateful they were to only have girls and boys are too much hassle, ugly clothes, rude and noisy etc.

This is getting me so down. I find 2 boys really difficult to handle as it is and was very on the fence about having a second child as it is (OH persuaded me). I'm starting to regret having my second and these comments are making me feel like I have got the "booby prize" or I am a freak for having 2 sons. It feels like in the West boys are not prized in the same way that in China girls are not prized.

I can 100% say my 2 boys are easier than many of their 'girl' friends at 6.

I was told by a teacher once that they often say 'give us a class of boys until they are 9, then we would like a class of girls after that!'.

I wanted a girl first time I was pregnant but then I wanted a boy after that as I remember desperately wanting a sister rather than a brother when I was growing up. The boys are really close and as there are only 2 years between them then hopefully they will continue to be close.

It does annoy me when people say stuff like that and they say it whatever way round really!

Congratulations on your two undoubtedly gorgeous boys . I have two as well with a similar age gap and i have had some really stupid comments about not having a girl too. I just say i'm glad to have a matching pair. It's awful when your mid is low it just impacts on everything and lack of sleep makes it so much worse. Hope that you feel better about it all soon.

People just talk crap because they can't think of stuff to say.

YAB massively U with your comment about girls in China

Yanbu, drives me up the fucking wall. My two ds are wonderful.

When I had ds1 my mum asked me if I was disappointed that he was a boy. I mean ffs. Ds 2 is 6 weeks and am already getting comments about when I will be trying for a girl.

It doesn't help when people moan there mil. Often the mil is seen as a second nan visited out of duty a could of times a year.

My ds has disappointed everybody by being a boy since the moment he was born.
Inlaws and my parents wanted me to have a girl. Both sets referred to baby as "she" whilst I was pregnant. I wanted a girl too however their attitude made everything worse. I found out quite late on at 34 weeks that it was a boy (unavoidable to see during late scan) and when I told my mom she cried with disappointment.
I have had a lot of "Oh you'd be a great mum to a daughter, you should have a girl" comments. Yes, because it is as easy as just choosing which gender to have. It is part of why I am put off from having a second (amongst other reasons). Don't think I could stand everyone being disappointed again, it made me feel very guilty.

People are ridiculous and should keep their opinions to themselves. All children are a blessing.

OP - is the older one at school? If not. it will become a lot easier once he is. And then even easier when they both are. This age gap is hard (mine was similar) because it feels like non-stop toddler for a while.

yanbu, i get a lot of this, less so now as my 5th was a girl but i get lots of comments in front of my boys about how glad i must be to finally have a girl etc and tbh i find it a bit upsetting on behalf of my boys ifyswim?

when i had ds3 and then ds4 a certain relative told me they were 'disappointed' when we called to announce the birth, it was a good job they were on the end of the phone or else they may have got a reaction they didnt bargain for, i mean HOW can you be dissappointed when someone phones to annouce the arrival of a healthy baby?!!

but yes maybe people do just mean poor you as in its hard work with 2 little ones? but i do think there are a lot of negative comments to parents of boys, i certainly encountered a lot and yet the sheer overwhelming joy from other people when i 'finally' got a girl has been a bit mad! and yes i am thrilled with my dd, but equally would have been thrilled with another boy and was infact convinved no 5 would be a boy, to the point of only having a boys name picked out etc.

my 5 are ALL very different, regardless of gender, and i think people often make comments rather stupidly when just trying to make conversation and they dont mean anything by it, but it is annoying.

I have 2 boys and I am currently pregnant with dc3. DH's gran asked if we were going to find out what the baby is, so we had 'time to get over the disappointment' if it wasn't a girl

I told her quite firmly, that my boys are fab and we will love whatever comes along.

On the other hand my ds's, age 7 and 9, are NOT keen to have a sister, as then there will by girly stuff in the house

my ds4 is just 4 and my dd is 18mths, its hard work, but it does get easier, your 4 yr old will be starting school in sept? my ds4 is and i am soo looking forward to the fact that as dd has a nap every afternoon i shall have an hour or so of peace once a day!

sleep depravation is the pits, is there a homestart scheme near you, you would qualify for that, just a few hours once a week but it might help you out a bit? and yes ask the grandparents if they would help with nursery, one or two mornings a week would give you a big break :)

i promise it gets easier, enjoy your boys i bet they are fabulous :)

kate my boys DOTE on their little sister, they are 12, 9, 7 and 4 yrs old and they love her to bits, i am sure htey would be the same with a boy tho tbh, but they love showing her off to their friends and at school pick up i always have a gaggle of little children who come to talk to her in the pushchair or ask if she can get out and they will play with her and walk around the playground with her etc.

I wouldn't ever say anything to a parent of boys/girls but usually the parent will joke . eg a Dad of all girls being 'henpecked' and never getting in the bathroom, or a mum of boys never having the loo seat down.

I'm at your MIL - "so upset at not having a GD" and forgetting your DS2 birthday. She's making it all about her,her,her.

I was delighted to have DS then when I was pg with DC2 I wanted another boy because I knew what I was dealing with. I can't stand screaming girls .

I would never in a million years tell my DD that! But she does know I don't like screamy girls (she isn't one) and if they'd been boys they could have shared a room.

The main advantage to boy/girl that I can see in the future- my DD doesn't go all gooey over boys because she's got a pain in the bum brother at home. And each others friends should be a potential supply of boy/girl friends

Op you do sound very depressed and tired. Your children are still so l

Little and it's hard work. It will get better hOnestly.

I have 2 boys and 2 girls, oldest 22 youngest 12 and each one different, there's no such thing as a typical girl or boy so ignore stupid comments.

I

YANBU

family can be really hurtful, there is no need for them to say anything to you

my mother has told me not to have more than 2 kids...thinks its her right to control my life perhaps

try to ignore them, be kind to yourself, you are doing a really hard job

my friend has just had her second boy and my first thought was 'oh how lovely they will have a wonderful time together as they grow up'. Dh was one of three brothers and they were so close growing up and had a brilliant time. They are still like that if they get together now (sigh).

(I have one son and he's fantastic fun, he never stops moving for a second though!)

Just saying this so you know that not everyone looks at you and feels sorry for you!

I really feel for you on the exhausted front though, our first 6 months with ds were so hard as he had severe eczema and never slept (40 mins max, day or night!), and I felt so low I couldn't really think straight. Maybe a few hours off would help you see things with fresh eyes? (if you can manage it, we have no family help nearby so I do understand that a lack of willing volunteers makes it harder)

I have 2 boys and if we have another child I would quite happy to have a third. Whilst pregnant with DS2 my MIL said to me 'let's hope it's a boy this time so we won't be disappointed when it is'.

I'd see it as a positive - although I have no children myself in my work as a nanny/just generally being around kids in the family - boys are, in general, SO much easier to look after. There are three girls and six boys on my mum's side of the family and although I'm one of the girls, I'd definitely say we're a lot more trouble! Haha. Kids are kids, little treasures regardless of what their gender is!

In saying that, my aunt and uncle have just had their fourth son and whilst we're pleased for them, the sense of excitement about the baby isn't the same. Their fourth child was a girl and everyone went a bit OTT with sending presents and shouting it from the rooftops. I think everyone was expecting this baby to be a girl too and when it wasn't some people were a bit 'disappointed' - mostly my 12 year old cousin who was hoping for another baby girl cousin in the family to put lip gloss on. Pretty sure I was the same at that age!

I'd like to have two children and of course it'd be nice to have one of each but I'd feel a lot more comfortable with two boys than two girls for some reason. Not saying there's anything wrong with girls and knowing my luck I'd end up with two very naughty little boys!

Children are a gift

We have 2 boys and I do get asked if we will try for another baby to 'get a girl'.

I'm always very blunt and honest. I always wanted boys and have never particularly wanted a girl. 2 boys is what I hoped for and that's what I got. There are a multitude of reasons why we aren't having any more (my age mostly), but if we were to have another and I could choose, I would choose a boy.

People are gobsmacked when I tell them that. I like girls and can see why other people love having them, I have just never wanted one myself.

I would just be honest OP. If you find their comments rude, tell them so.

I have one of each, no 1 was a girl. In dh's family and extended family it's loads of boys and one girl (his cousin). Similar in mine.

MIL made no secret of her desire for a granddaughter and I can't even remember what my own feelings were about having a daughter, so relieved was I that I hadn't let her down [hmmm]. Luckily, my sparky dd has proved herself the very opposite of the docile, pretty, tidy little girlie of MIL's imagination.

When I had ds she said 'oh well I know YOU wanted a boy Saturday, but I would have really preferred another girl'. This wasn't true - I had no preference but had thought ds was a second girl so was quite surprised. She has two other grandsons as well.

I suppose what I am trying to say is - there is NO pleasing some people. Just enjoy your own family. I love mine dearly and they play well together but if there's other children about they will split into boy/girl groups. There's something fantastic about lots of boys or girls. I love that mine have cousins so I get to shout for 'Girls!' or 'Boys!'

Small children are all hard work. It does get easier. I do find just now that dd is very emotionally complicated with endless school dramas whereas ds just needs fed, watered, cuddled and exercised but that will change probably.

Thank you for apologising for your comment about China. You must see how awful that was.

As for 2 boys I think it must be great to have two little pals together. The holy grail here where I am is a boy then 3 years later a girl. I am seen as odd for having just the one - I get comments!

YANBU.

Deep breaths, sigh and then say "did you mean to sound so insensitive?" while biting your lip should stop the offenders in their tracks!

A random woman at tumble tots peered into DS2's car seat when he was a few weeks old and told me not to worry as she'd had two boys 'before I got my girl'. Nice.

If you know families with 3 boys or girls it often seems that the third DC is described as 'difficult' or 'demanding' - I think they are sometimes a disappointment because they are not the other sex. Poor little buggers have no say in any of it but lose out for no reason other than they weren't what parents wanted.