Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

having sex whilst sharing their bed with a sleeping baby

101 replies

tittytittyhanghang · 17/06/2012 09:18

AIBU to not be that surprised at this (Daily Mail Link Disclaimer) -I think the jist of this is that a third of Swedish parents admit to having sex whilst sharing their bed with a sleeping baby I don't find it particularly shocking, isn't this what happens in most countries where co sleeping in the usual way?

OP posts:
Molehillmountain · 17/06/2012 19:29

Aaargh (sticks fingers in ears) not listening!!!

Molehillmountain · 17/06/2012 19:30

Anyway - never happened. I was the last so they were done with all that surely?

monkeymoma · 17/06/2012 19:33

In my head I know it is not wrong if the children are asleep and not physically touching the parents (just near) and do not become aware it is/has happened, it is quite natural/normal for humans to live in one room dwellings!

personally I FEEL its wrong (for us) and always popped out to the sittingroom (or hall if we couldn't make it that far Wink for a quickey if the mood took us

sex while BFing is wrong IMO

ThePathanKhansWitch · 17/06/2012 19:43

When siblings and I was younger, we were regularly locked out on a Sunday afternoon Grin, whilst Mum and Dad had an nap Wink.
My eldest brother who is a cheeky bastard would shout up at the bedroom window,"For fucks sake Dad, would you ever giver her a rest" Grin.

We were horrible children.

Sex and death, we have big issues with these two essential parts of being human, in this (and many other) countries IMO.

catgirl1976 · 17/06/2012 19:52

If it makes a difference I have a massive bed, so if we ever do have sex in it whilst DS is asleep he is miles away

Couldn't do the bf thing though..........that's over a line for me. Nor would I ever tell him that his dad has occasionally gently boffed me whilst he snored peacefully a few feet away on the same bed unless he is a right git as a teenager in which case I might

picnicbasketcase · 17/06/2012 19:57

I never co-slept so the issue never came up (ahem). But my immediate reaction is 'Ew'. There is a difference between having sex whilst pregnant and having it when there's an actual baby or child in the bed with you.

lovebunny · 17/06/2012 19:58

the baby doesn't notice. it's inherited memory expects it.

if your baby is particularly articulate, she might call out 'don't rock my bed!'

McKayz · 17/06/2012 19:58

Sex while BF is really strange. I wouldn't go as far as saying its abuse. Just strange.

fallingandlaughing · 17/06/2012 21:11

Anyone who had sex while pregnant has had sex right next to baby! When did everyone become so prudish?

WhiteWidow · 17/06/2012 21:22

I'm not against it in anyway but that doesn't seem the same to me ^

monkeymoma · 17/06/2012 21:23

yeeeaaaah fallingandlaughing, SORT of.. but that is the ONLY way to have any sex life while pregnant.

If you live in one room with one bed that takes up most the room then sex beside your baby is also the only way to have a sex life

but if you have more than one room, you CHOOSE to have sex near your child, and you CERTAINLY choose whether to wait till you finish BFing

its not necessary, I don't think its as unnatural as it would feel to me but I don't have to find out because we have other rooms

its not the same as having sex while pregnant, because sex while pregnant is either sex near the child or no sex at all, thats not the case in most dwellings in the uK

bobbledunk · 17/06/2012 21:48

What if the baby wake up and crawls on you? I can imagine that would be a turn off.

McKayz · 17/06/2012 21:51

I hadn't thought of that Bobble. Or if they wake up and look at you.

5madthings · 17/06/2012 22:02

well mine would all stir/be restless in their sleep before waking up fully so i would just resettle them if necessary, and generally we were under the covers, but equally they can wake up and see you if they are in cot in the same room? plus its night time so dark generally?

if they wake up then you stop and deal with them/resettle them, the same as you would do if they were in a cot in your room, or in another room, only its less hastle if they are in bed with you, just a pat, cuddle or bfeed and they would be off to sleep again quickly if they even woke up fully at all, thats how it worked for us anyway :)

McKayz · 17/06/2012 22:11

See my DS2 is awake instantly. It's quite freaky actually how he can be fast asleep one second and wide awake the next. He never seems to have the half awake stage that I do.

ShakeWhatYourMamaGaveYou · 18/06/2012 03:12

There was a thread a while ago about appropriateness of watching horror films in front of babies. Cue cries of 'NO, 6 month olds understand more than you think!'
'they pick up on sound effects and music too you know!'

Etc etc

Were these people cosleepers- wonder if the rules change for shagging???

Clearly sex and horror films are completely different unless you're into some weird shit, hey each to their own but sex with baby in bed a total turn off and still a bit icky IMO.

CouthyMow · 18/06/2012 03:52

I've always co-slept with my DC as babies. Could I shag while they were in bed with me? God no, I couldn't do it if they were in the same room as me!

You just have to be a bit inventive - your house has other rooms...Wink

5madthings · 18/06/2012 09:03

the point in the thread about horror films was they may understand/pick up on the tone of the film if they are awake!! if they are asleep, even in the same room then it wouldnt be a problem, my dd slept downstairs in the evening until she was 8mths old? and once she was asleep we just watched whatever. it just meant that if she woke we didnt have to go upstairs to settle her, as she was right there and then we lifted her and took her to bed when we went to bed. we did the same with the elder 3 boys, ds4 preferred to sleep in bed from about 4mths tho.

so when having sex with them in bed, they are ASLEEP!! and dont know what you are doing, tho even if a little baby were awake and content i dont imagine parents having sex would be damaging or scary for them, (depending on the kind of sex) there are cultures throughout the world were families all sleep together and yes the parents will still have sex, we have some strange hang ups about sex, nudity etc in the uk, i blame the victorians.

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 18/06/2012 09:19

I can't remember whether this happened with us or not.

That's how insignificant it is.

MustControlFistOfDeath · 18/06/2012 09:29

I've done it, not the best sex in the world what with trying not to move too much and trying to be quiet etc but hey it was still sex Smile

beggars can't be choosers when they have the child who hardly sleeps

GoingToThePark · 18/06/2012 09:33

Well we are currently cosleeping with dd2 out of desperation and yes, we frequently have sex while she is asleep on my side of the bed, while DH and I unhappily share his side! She is a total bed hogger, cries if I leave the room even, so sex on the sofa is impossible, she will not sleep without her face partially covered by blanket so I am terrified of her suffocating so I simply won't leave her on my bed to go downstairs for some sex. And I'm too knackered to put the logistics in place anyway. By the time I got downstairs I would be asleep! Small window of opportunity you see.

People need to get over it. Dd would much rather have me close by and could not give a shit if the Olympic torch passed through the bedroom as long as I am there, she is warm, it smells of me and she is nice and cosy.

GoingToThePark · 18/06/2012 09:36

Just to add, yes it's not the best sex ever, pretty crap really and reminds me of being a teenager in parents house again due to the extra precautions of making no noise or motion where possible. But without that small bit of our relationship I just don't think me and DH would survive the rest of the craziness that happens when a small baby lands in the family. We need that little bit of connection. Of course, once she is old enough to notice, she is out on her ear and her sister can read her stories on a weekend afternoon like I had to for my little brothers Grin

badtasteflump · 18/06/2012 09:42

Nothing wrong with it morally IMO - but I would have put the baby in their cot (next to the bed) first in case things got too boingy!

weatherrain · 18/06/2012 09:43

I think it's quite normal. Nothing icky about it because babies wouldn't know what's going on even if they woke up. That's how loads of people around the world manage to have sex, I believe the majority of the world population co-sleep with their babies.

I must be strange because I don't even mind Bupcakes thought mentioned upthread at 19:27. If you don't even know if something happened or not it's hardly an issue.

choceyes · 18/06/2012 09:48

We co-sleep and DC2 is 22 months now. I wouldn't have sex now with her in the bed, but did do when she was a tiny baby. I didn't feel uncomfortable having sex when she was tiny and didn't move around the bed, and took up only a tiny bit of the bed, but now that she is more aware and can even speak I find it a huge turn off when she is in the bed, can't contemplate doing it now. Even if I did, it would not be good sex as I will always be aware of her presence and I wouldn't be able to get aroused.

Sex while BFing is not for me either, but I can kind of see how it happened, re the previous thread. I can understand it, if you were having slow sex in a spool position and the baby woke up then if the easiest way to get baby back to sleep would be to BF, then I can see that latching the baby on for awhile to resettle her and then carrying on with the sex would be doable. Not for me though. I'd have to stop the sex first before resettling. But as a co-sleeping, BFing in the night mum, I can see how it could have happened, and there is nothing vaguely yeuky or abusive about it.