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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To wonder why women put up with such crap from the men in their lives?

112 replies

seeker · 15/06/2012 09:37

There's always threads on here about men being unable to cook, or about men making women feel so uncomfortable in the driving seat of a car that they can't drive when the man is in the car.........and women seem to think this sort of thing is normal and acceptable. Or even if they don't they still think it's up to them as women to modify their behaviour to accommodate men.

Why???????????????

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 15/06/2012 15:36

I started the driving thread and was really shocked how many women did stop driving because of PA crap from their DHs. What shocked me more is that they weren't able or willing to tell their DH to shut up or walk. Every now and then DH says something about my driving (normally when if done something borderline risky) and he knows that is not conducive to his health. In the same way, I don't give him shit for shrinking all my clothes not doing the laundry my way. Maybe some people just have really unhealthy relationship.

Toaster24 · 15/06/2012 15:44

MrsTerryPratchett it may be that people seeking sympathy online (and specifically on mumsnet) are a self-selecting sample?

seeker · 15/06/2012 17:07

I can't think of a single comparable woman/ man example to the driving thing. Is there anything at all that would produce such a unanimous response if a man posted "I can't do (x) any
more because dp disparages me and undermines me every time
I do it"

And would an audience of men say "yes, mine's the same. But I
Just let her to keep the peace" can you honestly imagine that happening?

OP posts:
AThingInYourLife · 15/06/2012 17:13

It wasn't specific to her husband.

Anyone who grabs the steering wheel while someone else is driving is a cunt.

A dangerous cunt at that.

We can do without that kind of behaviour on our roads.

And as the driver she is responsible for not allowing that kind of crap to go on in her car.

AThingInYourLife · 15/06/2012 17:16

"I can't think of a single comparable woman/ man example to the driving thing. Is there anything at all that would produce such a unanimous response if a man posted "I can't do (x) any
more because dp disparages me and undermines me every time
I do it"

And would an audience of men say "yes, mine's the same. But I
Just let her to keep the peace" can you honestly imagine that happening?"

I would guess at: changing nappies, looking after babies, loading the dishwasher, doing the laundry, caring for sick children, disciplining children.

It happens all the time.

AThingInYourLife · 15/06/2012 17:20

"They actually discuss family issues and others respond with practical suggestions and help."

Wow, that never happens on MN.

Men are so brilliant.

pantylace · 15/06/2012 17:22

Who said that never happens on MN?

Christ some people will be contentious about anything on here!

RubyFakeNails · 15/06/2012 17:43

Apologies was out with my ignorant cunt of a DH.

AThing all you have done is taken a section of one of my posts and used it to push your own agenda. If you had taken a second and actually queried me rather than making completely incorrect assumptions your posts may have been credible, all you done is made yourself look reactionary and offensive.

1). Not once did I talk about my DH "not controlling his temper" i mentioned some huffing and puffing etc nowhere did I say he became angry, aggressive or irate. I didn't say he shouts or swears, I mentioned no loss of temper, you reached that conclusions entirely by yourself.

2). The idea that my DH prioritises his temper over the safety of not only me but my children is completely laughable. Also the suggestion that I am disinterested in my children's safety is extremely offensive as to me that is you implying I am somehow neglectful.

3). In regards to grabbing the steering wheel. I didn't preclude that phrase with 'while doing 80mph on the m25 he forces me to change lanes by' in fact if you had asked I would have explained to you. My DH has occasionally grabbed the steering wheel when aiding me to parallel park. The car is at those times virtually stationary. My DH has never been involved in an accident, received a speeding ticket or even a parking fine.

4). I think you're a cunt. Anyone who manages to make 4 posts, about their own completely incorrect interpretation of another posters comments, then goes on to describe that posters previously mentioned wonderful and loving husband as a dickish, ignorant cunt, is in fact a cunt.

As i have been trying to say in my other posts, being a cunt or a twat, or any behaviour being considered crap is entirely subjective. Therefore I do agree completely with NicNocJnr

AThingInYourLife · 15/06/2012 18:46

If you don't want people to think your husband is a cunt, don't mention casually that he behaves like a cunt when you are driving.

Grabbing the wheel when somebody else is driving is incredibly disrespectful. And it's still dangerous if you are moving slowly.

Maybe you enjoy being "helped" by someone demeaning you, but other people will still think he's a dick to do it.

Whatmeworry · 15/06/2012 18:49

If you don't want people to think your husband is a cunt, don't mention casually that he behaves like a cunt when you are driving

More accuraetly, if you don't want people on MN to think your husband is a cunt, don't mention you have a husband.

Because as you know, on MN all menz are cuntz.

seeker · 15/06/2012 19:26

"I would guess at: changing nappies, looking after babies, loading the dishwasher, doing the laundry, caring for sick children, disciplining children."

Possibly. But women who complain about their men's incompetence In these areas are always advised just to let them get on with it- specifically they are reminded not to hang over them while they re doing it- they are even advised to give them praise for doing it "right". It is usually suggested that they might be undermining the man's confidence, and they should back off. There is no way that the overbearing, discourteous behaviour people quite calmly describe their men as displaying while they drive would be encouraged on a "why don't men change nappies properly" thread!

So women have to appease their men being dicks about driving- and appease them useless about nappies!

OP posts:
Huansagain · 15/06/2012 19:38

I'd say about 90% of the couples I know the woman is most definitely the boss.

I usually wonder why the men put up with it.

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