to think leaving children's name off a thank you card is mean spiritied

[ElaineBenes]

I got an email today from the class reps (state school). They're arranging a collection for a thank you gift and card for the teachers. All well and good, stated a suggested contribution of 10 quid. But then the email ended saying that they can only write the names of the children on the card whose parents contributed to the collection. AIBU to think that's a bit mean-spirited? Feels almost like a veiled threat. Why should a child whose parent can't or won't give not be included in the thank you card?

YANBU that's totally unfair and YY agree sounds like a veiled threat - pay up or you don't get your name on it and everyone will think you're a tight arse

I'd refuse to pay on principal and sort your own gift and card.

Just so I have it straight - the card is to say thank you to the teacher (s)? From the children in the class? And children whose parents can't co tribute 10 quid won't be included in the card, ie. they can't say thank you to the teacher(s)?

I agree. I really didn't like the tone at all. I know it's annoying when some parents don't contribute but it's a class gift and a class card and I don't see why they have to make sure the teachers know who gave and who didn't.

Well, anyway, my kids are leaving the school before the end of the year because we're moving overseas so definitely we'll do our own. Otherwise I would have contributed but want no part of it now.

Yep, something like that jacksmania. The collection is for a gift and card and the email ended like this:

"Please note that we can only write the names of the children whose parents contribute to the collection in the teachers' thank you cards."

Well, I was hoping I had it wrong. But I clearly didn't. So, YANBU. At all.

Just the pettinesss of it as well. To actually have a list of who contributed and who didn't and then to sit down and write out all of the children's names rather than just put Class xyz. Ugh. Why ruin something so nice with something unpleasant?

Just get your child to do a nice homemade card [if in primary] to teacher and maybe class TA too. Fingers up to your mercenary class reps.

You know, I can sort of see the other side of this.

YANBU. how horrid.

Aside from the pettiness, what are they planning to buy?? If they were to get a tenner from everyone then in a state school that could be up to £300!!

That sounds a horrible and bossy idea, I'd say no and that you will say thanks in your own, individual way.

I dunno. Nothing stopping ypu getting your own or not getting one. It's the way buying a joint present goes - it's joint from the people who bought it, noone else

£10 each!!!!!

Teacher training college here I come. Seriously though, my boy hasn't started school yet so I have no experience of this. The only person at school we bought a present for was the lollipop man - a quarter bottle of whiskey and a pair of socks every Christmas!

Terrible idea.

YANBU

I can see the other side of this too, I think the way it's been proposed is prob not the best though.

Last year one of the mums asked if anyone wanted to get together and buy the teacher a voucher and thank you card. She left it quite late so most people had already arranged something themselves (I had) but 5 people did contribute and they gave their voucher and card from the 5 of them. Why would they have included the names of 30 children? I didn't expect DD's name to go on the card as I hadn't contributed. Sorry if I've picked this up wrong but it sounds like the same thing to me.

I think that if it's a joint present, it is the donors who go on the card. If it's a class event, then the whole class should regardless of who pays (whether it being "whole class" depending on how aware the children are that this is going on, or if it's very much sorted out by the parents.

It is very rude to specify the amount.

But at least they have communicated with everyone. I came across circumstances under which a family who (for reasons not publicly explained) were not listed in the parents directory. They were missed off everything, and I became aware of this only when I happened to find her upset one day, as her DCs had been excluded again. So, this is a plea to PTA types to check you really are reaching everyone.

YANBU. That is horrible. And £10 is quite a lot of money really!

Parents like me who wouldn't be able to afford £10, would more than likely but a card and a small thank you present like a box of chocolates.

Yes, I'd be pissed off at the 'veiled' threat, but I'd just ignore and do my own thing.

I have given that much three times, but the first time was DS2's reception teacher, who had been amazing and helped him so much (he has SN), and she was retiring.

The second time, his Y2 teacher was getting married, and again, she was excellent with him.

The third time, DD's form tutor had just had her baby, and DD wanted to get an outfit as her tutor had a girl, and DD loves baby girl clothes because she has 5 brothers all together but no sisters.

Mostly I get a box of chocolates though.

I thought it was just assumed that if you weren't contributing to the present, you wouldn't put your name on the card. I wouldn't ever think you would need to say it.

After all, people who don't contribute might be doing their own thing.

I agree that the amount to be contributed should be a suggested amount, which the OP has said it was, rather than obligatory.

I have done lots of these collections. People can be a real PITA, saying they will pay, then you put your own money in, and end up out of pocket. People paying at the last possible minute giving next to no time to shop for anything.

It sounds to me that this person has just had enough of all that, and has decided to be a bit strict.

If you don't like e way it was done, you do the collection, next time. I'm sure they'll be happy to relinquish the responsibility!

Wow, things have moved on since I was at school. We didn't even give the teachers a card!

Will the children's name be written in smaller writing if they don't pay the full suggested amount?

Not sure how I feel about having to buy a gift for someone for essentially doing their job. And it's not as though it's a really crap pay like waiters, or the person that washes your hair when you have it cut. I'm sure someone will enlighten me as to why they need a gift as well as salary.

I don't think there would be any need to write any names in the card, it could just be given from 'your class of 2011/2012' or something like that.

I am :-O at the demand for £10 per child. I spend half of that on a present for the teacher and anyone who demanded £10 from me would be told where to go.

Our 2 children have 2 form teachers each.

We give 50ct per teacher for Christmas & b/day.

I think that there has been the occasional ? instead of 50ct at times.

10GBP is absolutely ridiculous(imo) & I´d have no part in it.

Oh, I didn´t answer the question

I wouldn´t expect my child´s name on something that I hadn´t paid towards.

I would have thought that asking for 10GBP was divisive/discriminatory.

Goodness me, if I didn't contribute, I would assume it wasn't a card/gift from me.

They do this at DD school..... £10 ago... the class rep's mum always follows you about with an envelope yelling xxxxx mum you havent paid yet, as its the 'mums' doing it not the staff the office when i went to report them said they couldn't do anything.

30 kids in a class £10 each...... I wouldnt mind if they were a fantastic teacher but DD's teacher has ben off for 2 months and pretty crappy most of the time.