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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think leaving children's name off a thank you card is mean spiritied

74 replies

ElaineBenes · 15/06/2012 03:28

I got an email today from the class reps (state school). They're arranging a collection for a thank you gift and card for the teachers. All well and good, stated a suggested contribution of 10 quid. But then the email ended saying that they can only write the names of the children on the card whose parents contributed to the collection. AIBU to think that's a bit mean-spirited? Feels almost like a veiled threat. Why should a child whose parent can't or won't give not be included in the thank you card?

OP posts:

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 15/06/2012 07:57

Coffeedog, I would take great pleasure in telling the class rep's mum 'No, I won't be donating, thank you' in front of other and witnessing the hissy fit that would inevitably follow

BalloonSlayer · 15/06/2012 07:59

Well £10 sounds far to much to me, and I think a lot of parents won't be able to afford it.

BUT

OP, suppose you donate £10, and so do only three others. The teacher then receives a voucher for £40 she is delighted with. And the card has all the names of the whole class on. She thanks them all profusely! Are you SERIOUSLY telling me you would not be at all pissed off? If you wouldn't then good for you, you are a much nicer person than me.

Someone upthread said "And children whose parents can't co tribute 10 quid won't be included in the card, ie. they can't say thank you to the teacher(s)?" WTAF? If people don't want to contribute £10, then they can get their own card and present to say thank you to the teacher. It's pretty straightforward.

AnnoyingOrange · 15/06/2012 08:01

I agree with you Balloonslayer

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 15/06/2012 08:04

What I don't understand is why it has to be £10. I'm pretty certain no teacher would expect any gifts, let along a whopping great voucher for £300. Why can't it be £2 per child or something like that? That would make far more sense than lots of boxes of chocolates/bubble bath sets/mugs, would work out cheaper for each parent than buying a separate gift, but would still mean the teacher would get a voucher for around £60, which is still a pretty decent amount IMO

usualsuspect · 15/06/2012 08:05

Is this a new thing? When my DCs were at school the teachers got a box of maltesers

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 15/06/2012 08:05

£10 is only a suggestion, I doubt that they would have left a child's name of if the parents had donated less.

What if there are parents and children that want to do their own thing, should they be included in the card even if they don't want to be?

And why should a family be included on a card if they didn't contribute to the cost of the present? Doing that would seem a bit odd to me.

When this has been done at my school the children write their own name at the same time as the parent puts the money in the envelope, so children wouldn't have their names on there if the parents didn't put money in. I don't see what's so wrong with that.

usualsuspect · 15/06/2012 08:06

I don't even know what a class rep is tbh

bronze · 15/06/2012 08:08

Donate £5 and see if they only put half your child's name on there?

mayaswell · 15/06/2012 08:18

I'm bemused by the fact that it's been phrased as 'we can only' said it would contravene some sort of regulation, they mean 'we will only'.

Surely £10 is a guideline, don't most people put in what they can afford? It's a gesture not a payment.

mayaswell · 15/06/2012 08:19

'As if' not 'said'

PrettyPrinceofParties · 15/06/2012 08:23

I thought that too Mayaswell.

Feel sorry for any kids with parents who can't/won't pay if they have the same teacher next year. Hmm, black mark for you!

surroundedbyblondes · 15/06/2012 08:24

10 quid is quite steep! I just did the presents for DD1's nursery teachers (we break up earlier here) and in the note I suggested 5 quid as we have three teachers to buy for, plus each class contributes a bit to a joint gift of flowers and chocs for headteacher, cook and supply staff. In the note I said something along the lines of give what you want but we suggest a fiver (I had also talked about it with some other mums to see if they felt that ammount was ok). From that budget and with a group of 15 I had enough to make a really nice present, partly because I put some effort in and personalised it a bit (SAHM with time on my hands ).

In the end everyone contributed except for one child who was on holiday. I wrote on the thank-you cards 'from class X' and I wouldn't have excluded anyone in such a pointed way.

I can see how it would be unfair if eg. 2 kids paid up and the whole classes names were on the card, but I think the class reps have been very clumsy with how they worded this.

God, it's such a minefield isn't it? I wrote and re-wrote my note twice as I didn't want to say the wrong thing and get people's backs up. I also reminded a couple of parents which I was unsure how they would react to. I didn't want to be pushy but I wanted as big a budget as we could muster because our teachers are so lovely.

imnotmymum · 15/06/2012 08:25

That is a shocking amount of money !! Get your own card/gift if need to. In fact all should boycott. It really takes the spirit out of things doesn't it, it should be a kind gesture from kids who love picking up miss or whatever a little gift personal to her/him not just a tenner and buy whatever.

Trioofprinces · 15/06/2012 08:31

Last year at our school a mum suggested £10 for the teacher and £5 for each TA. It ended up being a bit lower.

But it does mean they get a fab present, one year theatre vouchers another year John Lewis vouchers etc. and not lots of random £5 bits of chocolate or cheap wine.

I'm sorry but I also agree, if you haven't contributed it's not from you so why would you expect to be included? Do your own thing of you want, fine but don't expect to be included in something you chose not to be.

takingiteasy · 15/06/2012 08:36

I suppose it sounds harsh but take the fact its kids for one moment and in the adult world you wouldn't expect your name on a gift you had no input in.

Ten pound is crazy.

Icelollycraving · 15/06/2012 08:52

£10 sounds a lot to me. Saying that I've sold a lot of things as teachers gifts,ranging from £10-£40 so it's all relative.
No one is stopping you buying a bunch of flowers/box of chocolates/card if you want to.
I think the idea of children signing the card as parents make a contribution is fine.
I just know I won't ever inform dh of the whole teachers gifts thing when the time comes,it will just start the conversation of people being paid to do a job (professionally) & not needing a tip.

exoticfruits · 15/06/2012 08:58

I don't see it as a problem. I would just get DC to take own present and home made card and tell the class rep that you are doing your own thing.

exoticfruits · 15/06/2012 08:59

I wouldn't spend £10.

exoticfruits · 15/06/2012 08:59

It is also much more exciting for the DC to do it themselves.

TheOriginalSteamingNit · 15/06/2012 09:04

Actually I think YAB a bit U.

There's a mum who does this every year - though she just says she's organising a collection and if you want to contribute no pressure. I don't know what she writes on the card.

If it's a teacher I'm indifferent to, I contribute, but when we want to say a personal thank you, which we usually do, we get something of our own, and I think a lot of other people do. She just offers to do it to save you time if you want to.

gramercy · 15/06/2012 09:13

What Balloonslayer said happened in dd's class a couple of years ago.

A mum organised a collection and I was just handing over a fiver when she interjected with "it's ten pounds, please." Well, at that point I couldn't back out so had to dig out some more money. Added to which dd was furious about a joint gift and insisted on doing her own as well.

Anyway, it turned out that only six people contributed. The organiser decided that in that case it would be unfair for all 30 names to go on the card.

I hate collections. Perhaps the teachers prefer a big wad of vouchers rather than 30 bits of tat but the pupils like to take the teacher something in, however small.

Trioofprinces · 15/06/2012 09:15

Last year at our school a mum suggested £10 for the teacher and £5 for each TA. It ended up being a bit lower.

But it does mean they get a fab present, one year theatre vouchers another year John Lewis vouchers etc. and not lots of random £5 bits of chocolate or cheap wine.

Trioofprinces · 15/06/2012 09:16

Oops, didn't mean to double post.

Scholes34 · 15/06/2012 09:19

OP - you say it's a "suggested contribution of £10". Why don't you give a smaller amount if you want to be included in this joint gift? Otherwise buy your own present and card.

I think it's quite fair not to include the names of the children who haven't contributed as long as it's not viewed as the "class gift".

TheOriginalSteamingNit · 15/06/2012 09:19

Bit at £10 for the teacher and £5 for the TA!

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