to think leaving children's name off a thank you card is mean spiritied

[ElaineBenes]

I got an email today from the class reps (state school). They're arranging a collection for a thank you gift and card for the teachers. All well and good, stated a suggested contribution of 10 quid. But then the email ended saying that they can only write the names of the children on the card whose parents contributed to the collection. AIBU to think that's a bit mean-spirited? Feels almost like a veiled threat. Why should a child whose parent can't or won't give not be included in the thank you card?

Perhaps the teachers prefer a big wad of vouchers rather than 30 bits of tat but the pupils like to take the teacher something in, however small.

Perhaps they do, but IT'S A GIFT. Really not up to any school bod to dictate how much or what you give, or even if you give at all.

Why are they getting a gift for doing their job?

Modern life is sodding expensive. £10 for teacher, end of year proms, designer PE kits. What ever happened to an apple for teacher? It's giving a grossly materialistic message IMO.

I think it's a bit rich to expect your name to be included on a card that accompanies a gift that you have chosen not to contribute to - it wouldn't occur to me to expect inclusion in these circumstances.

As for amounts I am always so grateful that someone else is organising, collecting, choosing, buying, wrapping etc that I will happily hand over whatever is requested.

Another point, slightly relevant. I realise this is about the year end thank you, and not Christmas, but there is usually a collection at Christmas, as well.

We have a boy who is a Jehovah's Witness in DS's class. They would be very upset if their name was included in the Christmas card.

Well, they could, you know, just buy their own card.

Well I can sort of see the other side. When I was in school we used to pool money to buy a card (yes just a card, so each girl had to contribute a matter of cents, and this was as over 16s) and some would never ever pay but sign their names on the card.

But £10 each is WAY too much. £300 for the teacher. Madness.

£10???
Jeff off.
They can gave a bought-in-the-sale Smellies set from Marksies and be done with it.

I wouldn't expect to have my name included on any card/gift if I hadn't contributed to it, tbh.

It wouldn't seem fair on all the parents who had contributed.

I don't ever contribute to these collections. DS's school didn't really seem to bother, but DD's school has a similar £10 standard amount. They can bog off if they think they're getting £10 from me!

I usually just send a card and a note letting them know exactly what progress I've seen in my child whilst in their care - and always personal not academic.

I remember the first time a parent did that for me, it meant so much more than a bottle of wine or some smellies. I knew that they'd really appreciated the difference I'd made to their child. They were teachers too, so I guess they also 'got it'.

I think demanding £10 is too much.

However I would assume if a parent didn't want to contribute they wouldn't be bothered about the child's name on.

However I think it should have been worded along the lines of "We're looking for donations of up to £10, please give what you feel you want to/can afford".

I'd probably at that amount choose to do my own separate thing, so wouldn't expect the name to be on the card.

YABU. If a colleague was retiring, or you were celebrating a friend's birthday, and someone arranged a group collection & present, would you expect your name to be on the card if you didn't contribute?

If a parent can't afford to contribute, or doesn't want to, they can get their child to make a card, which is more personal anyway, and decide what, if anything, to give as a gift.

I agree that £10 seems like a lot, but people usually like to have an amount suggested, or want to know how much others are giving. And it is only a suggested amount.

My dd's class have done similar to this for years - usually just a few quid per parent and that goes for vouchers / gift for class teacher and class TA. It's word of mouth at school gate or by text to those who don't pick up themselves.

The cards are signed from all those who contributed, nobody is obligated to join in and some prefer to get an individual card or gift.

Asking for £10 seems a bit much but I don't think it is unreasonable to not add the name of someone who didn't contribute!

I am a class rep (ducks for cover) and yes we do do a collection at Christmas and Easter, no suggested amount but if people ask I say most people give 5-10 pounds - most people give 10 pounds. It is split between teachers and 3 TAs. Sometimes card comes from everyone anyway, sometimes just from those who contribute. Many parents are happy to give some money as a gesture of thanks and to save the hassle.

I personally don't usually contribute, and wouldn't expect my dd name on the card as the teacher and TAs by that time will be clutching a lovely piece of tat present that we have spent days, weeks some time lovingly crafting for them, because that is what my children love to do. I have asked them whether they would rather give money, but they don't see the point as MrsX would much rather have their piece of tat craft than some money, I see it as a fair trade for the junk modelling which comes our way. To be fair we do make a bit of effort to make it useful/ pretty/ edible and they always tell the children how lovely it is but they would probably rather have vouchers and once we've brought ingredients, craft bits etc, it probably costs more than 2.50 each

It's rude of them to suggest an amount and to be so bossy. And this isn't something I think class reps should organise. It takes all the individuality out of each person's thanks.

Just do your own thing instead. Teachers will appreciate something which the child has thought about, perhaps a hand-made card.

THanks for all your replies!

It's not so much the amount. I think 10 pounds is fine as a suggested amount and I'd have happily paid it. I think most of the parents in the class could afford that amount (it's quite a middle-class/affluent school). The teachers have been great this year and there are two of them.

Of course, as an adult, I wouldn't expect to 'freeload' but I think it's different for kids. You don't control what your parents do! These are CLASS reps organizing a CLASS collection for a CLASS gift/card. I really doubt it's a situation where only a few give - most of the parents I know would give - you're talking about leaving out just a few kids in my opinion.

I think it's far nicer to sign just 'class xyz' and be done with it.

I find all this present giving and vouchers to the teacher uncomfortable. I wonder if teachers do too. All a bit much.
My ds will want to do cards to teacher and TAs but will get cross with me when he sees the teacher overloaded with presents. All got a bit ridiculous imho.

We SUGGEST £10 for our class - but that is 2 teachers and 3 TA's so it doesn't go far. Some parents pay that or even more, others pay less. The £10 is a suggestion as everyone always asks how much they should pay, so we suggest an amount. Kids are given stickers to write their names on which are then put in the card. Some kids don't contribute as they want to do their own card/present, so they don't go on the joint card. Don't see anything wrong with that. Just the way things are done at our school. We also do collections for birthdays rather than buy individual presents.

No, YANBU... why do you need to exclude the names of the children whose parents haven't contributed? I mean, what actual purpose other than shaming the (possibly really skint at the moment) parents? Without knowing the background of the children it's obviously hard to speculate as to how hard some parents might find it to afford a tenner, but I think it's fair to assume there will be some who would want to contribute but simply be unable to manage it through no fault of their own...

The DC also has no control over whether the parent gives or not. I would just let the class rep write 'from class x' with no names and then the DCs can make their own cards, which is far nicer.

Of course for those with larger families a tenner per class can be 30 or 40 quid or more. I guess if most families do contribute it is unfair to single out two or three who don't, but to be honest I think that any teacher who goes through the thank you card thinking, ooh look x and y didn't contribute are probably in the wrong job. All the teachers I've encountered have appeared just as happy with a jar of biscuits as a voucher for their favourite shop. By this time in the year they are probably well aware of those children with a bit less family money/support, but will have fond memories of them anyway. (or be pleased to see the back of them whether they gave money or not!!)

I hope that those who can´t/don´t want to pay 10GBP still feel able to give what they want.

Surely it would be better to set a lower amount & let those who want to give more, do so?

I only got the children who'd handed in money for the collection to sign the card. If I didn't contribute then I wouldn't expect my child to be added. £10 is too much, I only ever charged £3 and had at least 90% of the kids donating.

""Please note that we can only write the names of the children whose parents contribute to the collection in the teachers' thank you cards."

Says who? Is it the law? .

This sort of thing is tantamount to a tip. Hairdressers and taxi drivers earn more than I have coming in so I don't tip them.

Why tip teachers? They are doing their job. If a thank you gift is propsosed in this way, teachers are receiving a tip for the job they are paid to do.

I don't see anything wrong with this at all. Although I would agree it's pushy to specify the amount and £10 is way too much.

At our school, someone normally organises a collection for the teacher. They normally get vouchers and a card with the names of the children who contributed. But it's by no way compulsory! You can either contribute to the collection, buy your own present and/or card or do nothing!

Why on earth should children who haven't contributed to the group present have their name on the card?? It's to show who the group present is from!

The way I see it, it's either the "official" class thank you, in which case all the children's names should be on it (or "thank you from all the Yr2 children and parents", or whatever"), or it's just a few people getting together to buy something decent rather than multiple bottles of bubble bath (my mum was a teacher - we were never short of Radox at home...), in which case only those who participate sign the card. They can't really have it both ways.