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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AiBU unreasonable to not want to take responsibility for DS's girlfriend

67 replies

BlueBirdsNest · 13/06/2012 15:55

I posted quite a bit about the situation with my my DS1 and his girlfriend living here

They left after a difficult few days, and my DS1 has been staying at her mothers.

Now the girlfriends mother has been told her landlord she needs to move out

My DS1 can come back here , but his girlfriend is going to be on the streets unless I take her in because her mum is going to move in with a man until she sorts out her home and won't take her daughter with her

OP posts:
Original poster
BlueBirdsNest · 13/06/2012 15:57

I don't want to fall into the trap of feeling sorry for her, the girlfriend, and let her stay here again , but at the same time I don't want her to be homeless .

Kids eh ...who'd have

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 13/06/2012 15:59

Did you used to be Creamola or something like that?

In which case, you know you would be mad to have her back, and probably mad to have him back again too as you know it would last five minutes before he had her back installed along with the double bed and the cat..

hattifattner · 13/06/2012 15:59

is this the same gf that said you werent good enough to look after the cat? Is this the pair that sponged off you?

How old are they?

splashymcsplash · 13/06/2012 16:00

Why don't you want her to live with you?

If it means she will be homeless then I think the only decent thing to do would be to take her in while she sorts out a more permanent living situation.

hattifattner · 13/06/2012 16:00

unless they are under 18, I would not accept responsibility for either of them. Make them find a job or three and make their own way in the world.

schoolgovernor · 13/06/2012 16:01

Right, I'm going to be blunt - after all the posts you've made about these two.
She's not your bloody problem. She was disrespectful and abusive to you in your own home. In fact, your son was as well, why on earth have you let him back in? Is he paying his way now? I'm sure he isn't and how long will it be before you fall out again (probably about this) and he gets physically abusive towards you - again.
"Kids eh... who'd have" you didn't have her - her mother did.
All I can say to you is don't be a doormat all your life. Or if you decide to be, what's the point in keep posting here about how awful it all is? Which sadly is what will happen very soon.

pantylace · 13/06/2012 16:01

She's female. She is seen as vulnerable. She can go to the homeless department and they will sort her out with immediate effect. Your son on the other hand does not have that option, unless he is substance dependent. I remember your threads about your son and girlfriend living with you (if you are the same op). I wouldn't have her back. You weren't happy in that situation.

Pandemoniaa · 13/06/2012 16:01

No. This time you just say no. You've been through enough grief with this particular relationship and, quite frankly, if they are old enough to live together then they can jolly well be mature enough to sort their own housing out. I very much doubt if the girlfriend is going to be made homeless and I'd hold back on worrying about this until it happens. As it is, I reckon it's emotional blackmail and they are playing on your good nature.

Oppsididitagain · 13/06/2012 16:01

She is her own mothers responsability NOT yours

schoolgovernor · 13/06/2012 16:01

Posters need to read the threads before this one to understand why op shouldn't take this girl in, and shouldn't have taken her son back. They sponged off her, abused her home, abused her and eventually her son attacked her.

Ishoes · 13/06/2012 16:02

If this is the poster I believe it is then no point in even engaging with her-she gets pages and pages of advice and doesnt listen to a word of it.

OhNoMyFanjo · 13/06/2012 16:03

Well I don't think you should be having either of them after last time they were there.

hattifattner · 13/06/2012 16:04

here

He was abusive. She was abusive. They didnt pay their way. They laid in bed all day. And you are letting him and her move back in.....so they will learn nothing except to abuse you.

xDivAx · 13/06/2012 16:04

Sorry, I don't know all the facts but from reading schoolgovernor's post I would say that I would have to agree with them. Hard to hear but true!

Callisto · 13/06/2012 16:06

If you are Creamola then you really need to say 'No' to both of them. It really is as simple as that. You are under no obligation to take your son in, whether or not he is over 18. He treated you like shit on his shoes and he will do so again. And if you let him in, his gf will move back in and you will be in the same situation.

Also, are you sure the gf's mother has been given notice by her landlord? I would say that she is pissed off with them too and is moving in with her bloke as an excuse to get shot of them both.

Pandemoniaa · 13/06/2012 16:07

I've just recalled reading about the physical abuse which was the thanks for having them leech off you last time. Given that you were the victim, I can't understand why you seem to have forgotten what occurred and are even thinking that you owe this girl anything. Quite frankly, I wouldn't piss on her if she was at the epicentre of the Great Fire of London.

schoolgovernor · 13/06/2012 16:10

If you let your son come back it will all start again. You'll go out one day and come back to find she's moved in. Change the locks and leave them to it.

Inertia · 13/06/2012 16:10

Head.... wall...

MadamFolly · 13/06/2012 16:11

If you are Creamola then in no way should you have either of them back. Your son physically abused you in your own home.

HazleNutt · 13/06/2012 16:12

No the girlfriend will be on the streets if her mum does not take her. She is not your responsibility. And neither is your adult son, who (if the linked thread is yours), has treated you so appallingly he has lost all rights to expect any help from you. If his dad thinks you are a bad person and teenagers are sometimes emotional, they can go live with him.

Original poster
BlueBirdsNest · 13/06/2012 16:13

oh no Ishoes I did listen to advice here ...it was actually part of why they are not living with me now

I'm in quandary now because the girlfriend will be made homeless..and I hate seeing 18 year old years vulnerable

Yet at the same time I don't want her back her ...so that is making me feel like a shitty person

OP posts:
EverybodysSleepyEyed · 13/06/2012 16:14

On the linked to thread you say your son went to live with his father - could he and the gf go there now?

You would be crazy to let them back now

schoolgovernor · 13/06/2012 16:16

You had a big row last time and they stormed out. You didn't give them notice to leave and take control of the situation. How many times do people have to tell you that the girlfriend won't be made homeless? Honestly, just read the advice people are giving you and grow a pair.
I guess if you're daft enough to take one or both of them in then it's your funeral (hopefully not literally). Will you be back here telling us how it's all gone wrong again?

ScrambledSmegs · 13/06/2012 16:17

You won't be doing the girlfriend any favours if you take her in. She will be ok. You're just the easy option Sad.

I really don't think you're sending your son the right message either. He abused you. Now he can come home like the prodigal son? What has he done to show that he understands the enormity of what he did, that he wants to change?

Pandemoniaa · 13/06/2012 16:17

You've only been told she'll be homeless though, haven't you? She's not actually sleeping on a bench. Also, as someone else has said, she needs to get herself on the council's housing list. She's not your responsibility and her past behaviour proves that she's not deserving of your sympathy.