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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To hate when people say in response to a name that they can't imagine Judge/CEO/Accountant having that name.

319 replies

squoosh · 12/06/2012 17:48

These days names are chosen from such a wide and wacky pool that it's inevitable that in 50 years time when we're old and doddery and looking to draw up a will, speak to a financial adviser or surgeon that many of them will have names that seem silly to us. I'm thinking Lexie-Rae, Poppy, Spike, Jayden etc.

I hate lots of names and have very rudely said so on a number of occasions but this is my most hated reason. Are people basically saying that the name isn't middle class enough? I don't make a judgement on a person based purely on their name, I may make a judgement on the person who bestowed that name on them.

Do people honestly think that if someone is called Daisy-Boo she will be unable to study hard, get into a good university, gain a good degree and become a doctor/scientist whatever. Will her name physically prevent this? No it bloody won't.

OP posts:
OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere · 13/06/2012 21:52

I think there is a bit of a feeling that when people chose 'different' names they are doing it to be 'different' or to project something.

I chose my DC's names because I love them. Honestly. I like the names. I am not trying to be cool or 'wacky' (cringe) or aspirational or nuffink.

I happen to like names that are a bit rock n roll.

My youngest has a wicked name and it causes much raising of eyebrows. meh.
I am sure he will be fine.

manicinsomniac · 13/06/2012 23:16

It doesn't surprise me that employers throw away CVs based on names. I think it's sad but I believe it. I'm a teacher and I've heard that headteachers (who sometimes get 200 plus applications for a job) will throw half the envelopes away without even opening based on handwriting alone. And woe betide any that aren't handwritten (this rumour was going round 5 years ago, not sure if that etiquette still applies).

I'm not sure I see much evidence of names being indicative of intelligence though. Area for sure but not achievement. I have taught highly academic Hugos, Charlottes, Ruperts and Elizabeths and very academically limited Oscars, Harriets, Matildas and Alexanders. I have also taught academic Chelseas, Jordans and Jades and non academic Declans, Damons and Jamie-Lees. It's not in ability that name makes a difference, it's in perception and possibly opportunity.

GrimmaTheNome · 13/06/2012 23:58

MrsDV - and I bet you wouldn't dream of asking what people thought of your choices on an MN baby names thread!

Those threads - people are asking for other peoples take on names. If you're not confident of your own choice, its probably no bad thing to be aware of how others may see it. There may be some negative (or for that matter positive) you hadn't considered.

OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere · 14/06/2012 07:47

Come off it Grimma! Grin
Those threads are full of answers like 'I don't like it, I knew a xxxxx once, she was a cow'
Plus....if you like a name and you see no negative connotations why on earth would you go looking for them?
And.....those threads are never unanimous so are they really helpful?
I have never understood why someone would ask a
Bunch of strangers on the Internet what to call their baby.

(I know,I know. Give it up now) :)

TandB · 14/06/2012 08:40

"Aspirational" names have been around for donkeys years.

My great-grandmother had "Bushell" as a middle name - the usual explanation was that it was the surname of a close family member. When I looked into my family history it turned out that her grandfather's sister had married someone related to the Bushell family who were extremely wealthy ship owners - practically royalty in Tyneside at that time! Her parents had obviously decided to give her the name to try to play up the connection.

Unfortunately for them she then decided to marry a penniless Latvian sailor, which was not exactly what they seemed to have had in mind for her!

truthisoutthere · 14/06/2012 08:43

The problem is that people shouldn't judge and should not make instant assumptions but humans do. We're animals and snap judgements are how we are designed. It may be wrong but it's pretty subconscious - are you on my team or not?

Mrsjay · 14/06/2012 08:44

mrsdv i kinda want to know your childrens names now Grin

OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere · 14/06/2012 11:50

You will, you will. When my 4 year old becomes the youngest ever paediatric oncologist, his and his sibling' names will be all over the papers.
Grin

yellowraincoat · 14/06/2012 12:49

We discovered that my partner's great granny's name was Cleopatra. They were common as muck.

Was watching the news and Mitt Romney was on.

Mitt! Doesn't seem to have done him any harm (apart from the fact that he's a grade-A nutjob.)

Perhaps his parents liked baking/baseball.

JayelleBee · 14/06/2012 12:51

Lexie was an old-lady name when my elderly friend was young...so she says.

It is my daughter's name. Short for Alexandra, which I'm presuming she'll use when she's First Minister.

ComposHat · 14/06/2012 13:26

If any offspring of mine showed the slightest inclination towards being an accountant or a CEO, I would disown on the spot.

exoticfruits · 14/06/2012 13:45

No one can have any idea what their DC will do in the future so it is best to keep their options open. They may be the exact opposite to you (and often are)

5madthings · 14/06/2012 14:28

mrsdevere is your youngest the one with the same name as my ds4, the name that has been derided on mnet for being 'gansta'

we chose names we liked and yes some are a bit unusual, we were told ds1's name was posh, lol.

on mnet i have been told i shouldt say ds3's name the way i do, it should be pronounced the proper welsh way but we chose it after a singer and a rabbit so say it the way it is pronounced for that singer and that particular cartoon character! we like it and no we arent welsh and we dont have any welsh connections!

my dd's name is cornish, we simply REALLY like it, it appears to be generally well liked on mnet, maybe too much so, its not very popular and i would rather it didnt become so so when it pops up on a name thread i secretly hope it doesnt get picked! but in reality dont care that much, its a lovely name, has still ahd some negative comments tho!

you cant please everybody and yes there are names i dont like and would inwardly judge, but i wouldnt assume anything of a child or a person becasue of their name.

OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere · 14/06/2012 14:58

Yeah check us out wit dah gangsta bwoys!

He is a bit boisterous but he hasn't tried to shank me yet.

penguin70 · 14/06/2012 15:00

Most people seem to be talking about possible effects on their DC and Chav v WC v MC v old v made up. Don't have much to say on all that but I do have 40+ years of experience with an unusual name.

I was brought up in a deprived area of a working class northern town by my single mum who was a nurse. She decided to give me a very unconventional old Welsh name with a spelling nobody can guess and it takes many repetitions to get the pronunciation. I HATED it.

I longed to be a Gillian or Lesley like everyone else at primary and I can remember refusing point blank to go to Brownies because it would be even more people I'd need to explain it to. I was never bullied because of it, it was just the continual screwed up noses and being asked to repeat myself again and again I hated. High school was a world of Traceys and Sharons but I don't remember anybody judging them as common (though VIZ changed that unfortunately for my BF!). I dreaded the beginning of new school years as teachers struggled with the register and always saw fit to take the mick out of my name rather than give the pronunciation of my name a go. (I wasn't and still am not fussed for the correct pronunciation, anything along the right lines will do!)

Roll on to art school and I was suddenly surrounded by a Zelda, Ottilie, Tatiana...the list could go on, I fitted in at last! People sincerely loved my name and though the spelling /pronunciation problems continued the whole attitude to my name changed.Smile

Science degree at university reversed the positive vibes and again there were sneers from lecturers. I remember an Electrical Engineering guy looking up from register saying "I'm not even join got bother trying " (sadly common response), look at me when I pronounced it and say"pffft well that figures" Confused He ignored me from that day forth which suited me fine

In the work place (retail and banking) it was generally a negative I think- yes you are remembered but also people don't want to even say your name for fear of making a fool of themselves which doesn't help in getting your name known.

Now? I 've grown into it. It's MY name - I've never met another or heard of another (though I know they exist) and actually I don't want to. I still get poor responses to my name and though I stopped caring many many years ago it would be kinda nice not to spell it every time I'm on the phone. Not many people can say they have their Christian name as a domain name but I do - just a shame people can't always spell it to find the website Wink.

My DSs have conventional but not run of the mill names that have phonetic spellings to make life as easy. I never thought of future professions I just wanted day to day life to be easy. Smile

5madthings · 14/06/2012 17:45

well mrsdevere my 4 yr old 'gansta boy' was using stick as a gun on the school run home today and randomly 'shooting' at passing cars, it can only be a downward spiral from now onwards....... he was actually pretenting to be either iron man or a snow trooper ( i think he means a storm trooper!) Grin

2rebecca · 14/06/2012 20:16

Mitt Romney is Willard Mitt Romney.

Spiritedwolf · 14/06/2012 21:32

The weird thing is that you are trying to second guess how a name will be percieved in 16/21/30/40 years time.

Fashions change, perceptions about names change. We know that names we used to associate with elderly people but those elderly people were once babies and these names are now being given to babies again. By the time those children are applying for jobs, those names won't be associated with elderly people anymore, at least not by their peers.

I think the same applies to 'common' names or unusual names. All it takes is for some perfectly conventionally named person to become a popular glamour model, footballer, singer or reality tv star and it'll become popular, and common as muck. If you named your baby that name the year before it became popular, you'll still find them associated with it as they grow up.

Okay, there is a good chance that a John, David or James won't date too much as they are perpetually common (so aren't associated with any particular name-bearer or era). But life would be pretty dull if every child's name came from the top-20 names of all time.

One name that I love for a boy is very unusual. Easy to spell and pronouce but some people might think it is a bit weird. My DH has even come around to it, though not for this first child (there is a family name he is determined to have which is extremely conventional - just like his own name [sigh emoticon] ). My biggest argument in favour of showing my choice is not unusual? There were more babies named that last year, than were named my name. There were only a few babies registered with my name. But in my primary class at school there were 3 of us. My name isn't weird, or horrid, or hard to pronouce, spell or remember. It just seems to have fallen out of fashion.

I might be tempted to do a Lorelai Gilmore and name a future daughter after myself just to save the name! Hey, if men can do it!

Basically, I think that you should choose names that you love. Its surely better than trying to predict:
a. where name fashions will be in 20 or 40 years time
b. which name has negative associations for an interviewer because they were bullied at school or have just had an acrimonious divorce
c. what name will be considered common/posh by the time your child writes up a cv
d. what the name of the really distruptive pupil was in the year above your child
e. what name will become associated with a celebrity
f. what name will become associated with an unpopular politician
g. what name will become associated with a victim of a horrific crime
h. or the perpetrator of the same
i. what career your child may choose (hint: it may not be the one you envision for them, it may not even exist yet - just think of all those creative technology jobs that didn't exist 30 years ago).

So you can pick a name so common and perpetual that its unlikely to become connected with one news story, era or class. Which is fine if you love it. Or you can pick something else you love, cross your fingers and hope your child loves it too. If they hate it, perhaps for reasons you can't predict now, if they feel it limits them in their choosen career whether thats to become an accountant, a doctor, an artist, a plumber etc. Then they can change it.

I'm not saying that people won't react to some names and that may affect your child's perception of themselves. Especially if they are someone influencial in your child's life like a teacher, family member or sports coach. It might happen and you might need to counteract it with plenty of contridicting that expectation if you think your child is hearing limiting things - by praising Daisy's athleticism and intelligence rather than focusing on how pretty or well behaved she is. But people judge others on all sorts of things, its not necessarily right or predictable.

A popular Tabitha will find that others think her name is cool and unusual in a great way. One who struggles socially may find that her name is picked on, but that's not the reason that she is bullied. Being called (Contrary) Mary, (Lazy) Susan or (Plain) Jane wouldn't have prevented it.

There are few situations where we are judged soley on our names - possibly job applications if there isn't an equalities protocol which prevents/monitors this (sometimes personal data is kept seperate from the main CV to reduce predjudice based on sex, ethnicity etc). But how do you know what career path your child will want to follow and what names will be in vogue in that industry in 20-30 years time?

Booette · 14/06/2012 22:19

Great post spiritedwolf

As i already said, i have a Jayden and a Kyle. I chose the names because I loved them (Jayden was from Star Trek, I'd never heard anyone called it before and then it suddenly became really popular!) I hope that when Jayden applies for jobs it won't stand in his way. He's top in science and geography in his year, and his teachers all seem to like him. I'd love to know what they thought when they saw his name though!

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