Creepy FIL - Advice needed...

[lemonslemonslemons]

He left MIL when DH was 4 (we weren?t married then, in case you are wondering) as he had had an affair and was a nasty piece of work. He would send birthday/Christmas card to DH & BIL most years and 3.5 years ago DH decided to get in contact with him (our first Christmas married?guess he felt like he was finally able to make his own decision and not be led my his mum). I encouraged it because he had been talking about it for a while.

Anyway, he and his dad met up in the January(2009) and I met him for the first time in May 2010. FIL lives in another country so we very rarely see him, but when he has stayed with us he really creeps me out. I like to think that I am a fairly good judge of character, but there really is something about him that makes me feel uneasy. Really uneasy. He touches me inappropriately (well, I think it?s inappropriate/unnecessary - hand in small of back, hands on waist if he wants to pass. I have spoken to DH about this so he is aware) and has cornered me a couple of times when DH was in another room and said things like ?If you have a problem with me then you speak to me about it, I don?t want to hear that you have been speaking about me behind my back?. Again, I spoke to DH about this and about the two times that FIL thought it would be appropriate to hug me without a shirt on.

So, now I am pregnant (7 months) and he wants to come visit us again. SH has said that?s fine, but he would need to stay in a B&B (thank goodness for such a good DH!) as we are busy etc. FIL called DH to ask if we have a problem with him and do we even want him involved in the baby?s life etc etc. He has contacted me on FB a few times (we are not friends, he inboxes me) and he always apologises for getting in touch and asks if everything is ok as he hasn?t heard from me (why would he hear from me?!) yada yada yada.

I know I might get slated for being 'too sensitive', but he creeps me out BIG TIME, so I was hoping for some advice on how to deal with him (not ?hire a hit man? deal, just?you know!)???

Wow Pumkinsweetie.I wouldn't allow him near my los after that coming out

I agree re going through DH, I would stand up for my DH if my family were doing things to make him feel uncomfortable, and I'ld expect him to do the same if his family were making me feel uncomfortable. Its not because he's a man, its because HE is bringing the FIL into the home/their lives so its sort of his reponsibility

I'm confused as to why we would think you were married to you DH when he was 4?!

[completely misses point of the thread]

RE the contact by facebook... i would send a message back saying 'given your absence from DH's life please remember that it is the relationship between you and him which needs work so I would prefer if you would contact DH rather than me and work on that relatiinship' or similar.

i think you sound perfectly reasonable and the slimy old creep should keep his hands to himself.

Are you an incel?

@Niteewotcha was it really worth resurrecting a TEN year old thread for that!

I'm not saying for a minute that you're being unreasonable to feel this way, but I do think you need to grow up a bit and deal with him directly instead of running to your husband behind his back.

They're doing it on purpose. They've bumped a load of them. Weird and slightly sad way to spend your evening...

Why Would anyone think you were married to a 4 yr oldneed clarification from your opening op? Or have I misread

Some seriously bizarre replies-it is completely appropriate to expect your husband to deal with this.As for being "OTT" or having "ridiculously high standards"? That sounds like a predators' charter. Personally I would deal with the FIL myself, physically, but that's just me.Dirty bastard.

I don't think I'd be comfortable with what you've described either and I'm a firm believer that gut instinct serves us well so if your gut is telling you something is off then I'd listen to that. He's definitely overstepping your boundaries and the boundaries that dh is reinforcing. If I were dh I'd consider going to mil and maybe finding out a bit more about him and what he was like. Is she supportive of them being in contact? I personally would aim to steer clear but understand why dh might want to meet him and keep contact but it kind of sounds like he has issues with women and thinks he can get away with being a bit of a bully.

Also @GrahamTribe "I find it odd that a grown woman can't address a (real or imagined) deliberate and/or invasion of personal space directly to the individual concerned rather than go running to her husband for him to deal with it." Because women are used to having negative reactions from men when they try to enforce their boundaries. So if ops gut instinct tells her to go to her dh is a sign of how uncomfortable she feels due to fil behaviour rather than her being weak. When men learn that women can say no and hold whatever boundaries they like and respect that, then it'll be easy for women to call them out directly without fearing repercussions. Also surely dh would want to know if his wife is being intimidated in her own home.

100%.

Urgh just realised it's a zombie thread!

Pissed off that I read page one before noticing the date. Why would some resurrect a 10 year old post? The FILs probably in a zimmerframe now with no chance of touching smalls of backs. What a waste of time!

ZOMBIE THREAD