To not want to do a table plan for our wedding?

[RidingHood]

We're getting married next Friday and we have organised our wedding fairly quickly and as such it is quite a low budget wedding.

DH2B's parent's have kindly paid for the catering but apart from that we've not really had any other help. As such we have gone for an informal buffet for 150 at the reception.

Last week, DH2B's father decided it would be best to book us an MC for the wedding to take the strain away, which I agreed with and we have a meeting with him and the caterers tomorrow.

However, DH2B's parents have now suggested strongly that we should have a seating plan for the wedding so that their family and friends can all sit together near the top table.

I am reluctant to do this, as whilst their family is MC (sorry to say it) and very small and structure - I have a rather large and dysfunctional family and I wouldn't necessarily know where to seat them - more to the point I have friends whom are much closer than family and would rather have them nearer to the top table.

DH2B's family are much more likely to be fussy about who sits where, I am confident that my family and friends will just grab a chair and sit where they like.

Basically what I am trying to say, very inarticulately, is that whilst I don't want there to be chaos on the day, I don't want my guests to be interrogated on arrival and dictated to as to where to sit - the last thing I want to do would be to offend people. Also, I have pointed out to DH2B's parents that this is an informal reception with a buffet and I expect people to mingle..

I don't know what to do...any advice would be gratefully received!!

Please bear in mind that they have also suggested this table plan 11 days before the actual day - I have a full time job of 45 hours a week and DD and DH to look after, I don't know where I will find time to do this!

I had an informal buffet for the reception and just let everyone seat themselves, purely to avoid top-table shenanigans.

It worked. TBH, I have no idea where most people sat, I was too busy enjoying myself. But DH has a big family, I have a medium sized but mostly dysfunctional family and there was no way that my dad was sitting at the top table, so I just didn't have a top table - problem solved

We had a small wedding, thrown together very quickly. We had a sit down meal for 40 guests including us. We had a table plan-ish for the top table so me, DH, our parents, siblings and their parents. Everyone else was sit where u want. Worked out fine.

Organise a table plan (not seating, just indicate what table you intend them to sit on) for those people for close friends/family who you (or DH's parents) want to sit near top table. Free for all for the rest.

And you could always informally say to your friends/family that you put on the table plan that is is just indicative and you don't particularly care if they prefer to sit somewhere else.

If it's a sit down buffet I suspect you'll find that people won't actually mingle they'll find a seat and stay there until after the meal.

Whilst you're being a bit silly to say anyone will be interrogated on arrival and dictated to as to where to sit...YANBU to not want a seating plan.

It's your wedding and it sounds as though your PILs are taking over.

Just have a top table and tell them you want everyone else to choose where they want to be seated.

I would do one for close family and then free sitting for friends and not so close family. At my SILs wedding, there wasn't a seating plan, and people she hardly knew sat right at the top and her brothers and sisters ended up right at the end of the table, it was a funny arrangement with a top table and one really long table perpendicular to the top table, like a "T" shape. It upset her greatly on the day.

Just say no.

Then don't do it.

We had a top table (I didn't want it but DH did, he thought it best do everyone could see us rather than hiding at the back!) but other than that people sat where they liked.

I don't see why your ILs friends and relatives should be guaranteed a seat up front, therefore pushing yours further back!

We didn't have a seating plan for our wedding for similar reasons to what you describe. It was a mistake, people were milling around not knowing where they should sit or what they should do. If I was to do it again, I'd have a seating plan. We had about 50 guests for a buffet type thing.

But it's your wedding, you know your guests and venue best.

I am tending to agree with you, OP, mainly because I found the table plan to be the most stressful, argument-filled part of my wedding planning. And both our families are lovely! I understand your in-laws-to-be wanting one, it is very traditional etc, but if you want to state "no table plan", then that shouldn't be a problem. They will all sit together anyway; and if they want to sit nearer the bridal couple, perhaps you might mention to your family to leave that table for them - but informally and not written in stone. Good luck with your wedding

If you don't want one, fine but I didn't have one at my first wedding and it was a huge mistake. People felt very awkward and didn't know what to do as they were expecting a seating plan. I felt horrible, especially when my ex's family had spent too long at the bar to claim a table then for all stroppy that they couldn't sit together so I had to get a new table out out for them. It took the shine off my day, tbh.

Perhaps a compromise would be to do one for family and close friends by NAND and then tables for other guests?

Congratulations btw.

Part of me thinks it would be a good idea, and part of my doesn't. Happy to have his family seated near the top table on one side of the room, but as my family (even close) are so much bigger than his, I would struggle to choose who goes nearer etc. Plus I actually like all of my friends rather than my family and would rather look at them :D

It just can't be done can it? There's no way of doing it without upsetting someone.

A table plan is the way to avoid chaos - if you don't have one, you can all too easily find that groups of guests park themselves first and so other likely groups have to split up or are left with the only untaken seats being with their best enemies. And it'd be far worse to play musical chairs to unscramble it on the day.

Bite the bullet, pour a very stiff drink, and go for it.

Oh I wouldnt be able not to! I'd be worrying in case one poor person couldn't find a seat with any friends and was left alone.

Totally your choice though, don't do it if you don't want to. I'm just a panicker

It's your wedding (hun ) so do what you want. Don't start letting the ILs (or anyone other than DH) start adding unnecessary frills to your wedding if it's not what you want. You won't get a second wedding day, and this isn't a second bite of the cherry for the ILs either. If they want table plans or MCs or purple frilly napkins to coordinate with the bridesmaids knickers, they can have a bloody vow renewal and have it for themselves!

So do you think I would have more chance of a chilled out, relaxing day if I just did one?

I was trying to avoid too much formality.

Just a bit concerned also, that there are 150 guests (41 of which are children!) so could become very chaotic!

We had an informal buffet, and no seating plan, which meant people could move around freely, go and sit with others, no hassle, and no fuss. It worked brilliantly.

I work in catering and often attend weddings in a professional capacity.

IME, no table plan means chaos; people mill around not knowing what to do.

People need some direction on this, but not necessarily a formal seating plan if that's not what you want. I think an MC is a very good idea though, could you ask him/her to 'marshall' your guests to tables?

I do sympathise, table planning is a source of much angst in wedding planning, but a free for all is generally not a good idea.

Have you considered 'escort cards' as an alternative to a formal seating plan with allocated seats? People have cards with their name and a table number on. Then they can seat themselves at the table wherever they wish?

Sorry, x post there, yes, with 150 guests, you do most definitely need a seating plan of some sort.

Ok, I'll have to have a bash at it! Perhaps the MC will be able to advise people that they have a table designated for them, but once the buffet is over, they are able to sit where they like.

The caterers did say that they would call people up table by table so at least this would ensure everybody gets something to eat!

I didn't bother to do one. We had a buffet for about 55 people and people fetched their food and sat down where they pleased. We didn't bother with a top table either. It was very relaxed and informal, but I think it worked really well. Because people were mixed up with other people they didn't know, it gave them a chance to make new friends. It obviously worked judging by the number of Facebook adds I noticed over the following days by people who didn't previously know each other.

If you dont have some semblance of a table plan it will take a while for 150 guests to find a seat.

Could you allocate two table with a sign on saying 'reserved for family of the groom' and similarefor yours?

Or list by families?

• Broen Family - table 4
• Green Family - table 7 Etc. the people at least will be able to sit together who need to. Also, if any of your guests need a high chair its best to have these in place

If it's an informal buffet, I wouldn't bother with a seating plan, as surely people will be 'milling around' anyway, not everyone will be going to sit down at the same time etc.

We did one, as we had a sit-down meal - it wasn't that I particularly cared where people sat, I just thought it would make things easier for everyone if they had some suggestion for where to sit.

Ooops sorry forgot to add, the caterers will prefer a seating plan when calling tables up as they will have etiquette they want to stick to such as calling up the Brides parents before the second cousins / milkman

Ex Wedding planner here and large wedding plus no table plan can definitely equal chaos.

Does informal buffet mean hot food requiring cutlery? If so, table plan for 150 guests pretty essential or you could have something resembling a rugby scrum as people scramble for seats.

If not, and you are having a finger buffet (no cutlery) then no seating plan is fine as people can stand if they are unable to find two seats together :)

Congratulations btw