To not want to do a table plan for our wedding?

[RidingHood]

We're getting married next Friday and we have organised our wedding fairly quickly and as such it is quite a low budget wedding.

DH2B's parent's have kindly paid for the catering but apart from that we've not really had any other help. As such we have gone for an informal buffet for 150 at the reception.

Last week, DH2B's father decided it would be best to book us an MC for the wedding to take the strain away, which I agreed with and we have a meeting with him and the caterers tomorrow.

However, DH2B's parents have now suggested strongly that we should have a seating plan for the wedding so that their family and friends can all sit together near the top table.

I am reluctant to do this, as whilst their family is MC (sorry to say it) and very small and structure - I have a rather large and dysfunctional family and I wouldn't necessarily know where to seat them - more to the point I have friends whom are much closer than family and would rather have them nearer to the top table.

DH2B's family are much more likely to be fussy about who sits where, I am confident that my family and friends will just grab a chair and sit where they like.

Basically what I am trying to say, very inarticulately, is that whilst I don't want there to be chaos on the day, I don't want my guests to be interrogated on arrival and dictated to as to where to sit - the last thing I want to do would be to offend people. Also, I have pointed out to DH2B's parents that this is an informal reception with a buffet and I expect people to mingle..

I don't know what to do...any advice would be gratefully received!!

For 150 guests you definitely need a plan or there will be chaos. There could be some seats not used because spare guests don't want to sit with family and then some may end up not having a seat at all.

We went to a function recently (not a wedding) where it was free seating and it got awfully cliquey and lots of people struggled to sit down as seats were being "saved".

If you don't go for a full seating plan (we did and it worked great) then at least go for a plan where people know which table they are on and then sit there they want on that table.

We had a catered buffet in a village hall for about 100. No seating plan as like you we didn't want formality. Mostly it was fine but some people can be a bit inconsiderate. For example parents in law were going to sit with us but grown up children of my mums partner got there first and didn't move! They squeezed in eventually. In retrospect i would have reserved 2 tables for the bridal party and others close to us. It was ok in the end but more through luck. It is your wedding though so you should do what you and your partner want.

It's up to you, of course; it's your wedding.

But, given that some relatives have expressed a strong preference over seating while others will just pile in and sit anywhere, you might find it easier to pre-plan it now than have hissy fits to deal with on the day, and recriminations from upset relatives who couldn't sit together.

I don't think people will be offended by a table plan, I think it's expected. And people generally do mingle afterwards anyway- usual procedure is for the venue to rearrange tables after the meal.

If your family are dysfunctional you'll probably want to plan for that anyway, to avoid the possibility of confrontational situations. And the children will need sitting with their parents/carers.

Easiest way to plan is to write all the guests names on post it notes, have an A4 sheet per table, and arrange away!

Hijack!!

My sil is getting married they are having an informal buffet for 60, but there is only seating for 30 (long story) - do you think they should allocate the 30 seats and let the young ones sit on the picnic blankets? The food requires knives and forks.

OP with your numbers I would have some sort of plan, not seats but allocated tables.

You need a table plan if it's a hot buffet where peopel will need to sit and eat with a knife and fork.

If you don't you will end up with people having nowhere to sit because families or groups of six will take up a table meant for 8 meaning that another group has to be split, there will be people wandering around not knowing what to do.

Plan who sits on each table but not who sits where on each table. That will be easier, and allow people to sit next to who they want as long as its on their allocated table.

Wips, your sil needs to find more tables! You can't have people eating on picnic blankets with a knife and fork! If she can't find more tables, she needs to change the food so that it doesn't require a knife and fork.

Can I suggest that you have some kind of a limited table plan. No 'planned' seating sounds lovely and is fine for a couple but not so good for other guests.

What about old people? And families with young children? If there's no table plan some guests will be aware of this and others will not. Those that know about it will start reserving seats by putting coats on them and those that don't will find they can't sit with anyone they know. Families with children won't be able to sit together because they can't find 4/5/6 seats on a table together. Friends of the couple won't want to seem pushy and will let family sit down first and then they will have to take what's left, whatever it is. What will happen is that hardly anyone will be able to sit with anyone they want because they won't be able to get sufficient seats on a table together.

You've had some good advice here from people who deal with weddings all the time and they say have some kind of a plan. What about the compromise of putting whole families on tables and letting them sort out the details of who sits with whom. It sounds like a good suggestion to me.

With weddings I think that there's a need to think about who you're holding the reception for. Is it an opportunity for everyone to visit to admire you and wish you all the best or are you offering hospitality to people who've taken their time and spent their money (sometimes in quite large amounts if these threads are anything to go by) to attend and support you on the day. If the latter then I'd suggest that you take their comfort into consideration and not only think about how you'd like the day to be .

Wips, young children will not manage eating with knives and forks whilst sitting on a blanket. Perhaps finger foods would be better.

We had a simple wedding, with no table plan. All people that knew each other could sit together, which they liked. People who did not know anyone sat down anywhere, and that way there was a table of people, all of whom did not know anyone else, so they got to know each other!

People really liked being able to just go and sit with their mates...Don't you just hate going to a wedding where lots of people will come that you haven't seen for ages, and then find you are seated next to Uncle Johnny the bore, and a random spinster?

just do it :)

I think you need a table plan. Sorry.

outraged I know, it's a nightmare - her DP is insistent its all as informal as possible, and they've "done loads of BBQs".

then again, our friends and relatives aren't the sort to throw "hissy fits" and be "upset" and full of "recriminations" as mentioned above. You know your family and friends, are they hissy-fitters or laid back?

We didn't have one and it was absolutely fine. I asked a friend to "look after" a particularly, ahem, difficult family member.

Our parents and the bridesmaid, best man and their partners sat on top table with us.

It was all very informal, but worked well.

I've been to a few free seating weddings and they worked just fine. There was a little bit of milling about whilst people found the folks they wanted to sit with, but that was quite pleasant and social. Do what you want to. It's your wedding after all.

A (relatively) painless way of doing a table plan is to buy a set of mini post its, write every guest's name on one and then stick them on dinner plates (to represent the tables).

You can then move them around until you're happy and then print up the table plan. IME stress tends to occur when you have to print dozens and dozens of versions because you aren't 100% happy with the arrangements.

The great irony of the table plan issue is that all the reasons why you don't want to do one (dysfunctional family relationships), are also exactly the reasons why you should.

The receptions I have been to which have had a buffet haven't had a seating plan and worked just fine- I personally prefer this set up as a guest to be honest.

We didn't have one, although there were only 24 of us and we all sat around two big tables, close together.

If it's a cold buffet, it will possibly work. I've been at lots of evening wedding receptions and catered buffets that worked just fine without table plans, but none of them had tables anyway - there were just chairs and a few small tables for balancing drinks on.

It's a cold buffet but there will be meat and potatoes and salad etc so will need to be seated with a knife and fork, but I expect people to not come on time, wander in where they like. Ideally I'd also like them to be able to help themselves to the buffet when they saw fit but guess with our catering arrangements that wont be possible!

I'll have a bash at the plan, at least for the elderly relatives and close family - think the problem might be knowing where to stop!

I'm getting married this month, am having 80 guests for lunch, and I'm not having a seating plan.
I don't think there'll be "chaos" at all, in fact I think it'll be far nicer as people can take their food outside if it's warm enough, or mill around and talk to different groups of people.
At many weddings I've been to, a seating plan creates a stilted atmosphere as people feel that they're glued to one particular spot and can't mingle, or move between tables. That was why we decided against one.

I've been to several weddings where there hasn't been a seating plan, and there's never been chaos, or anything like it. In fact, people have just ended up talking to people they may not have ordinarily spoken to, and it's been a far friendlier and more sociable affair.

If you're really worried about elderly relatives or something like that, then perhaps you could designate a table or two for them and let everyone else sort themselves out. I've seen this done at a wedding and it worked brilliantly - the family were put near the "top" while all the friends just sorted themselves out.
Don't feel you've got to go with tradition if you don't want to. A seating plan can be a nightmare, from the experiences that friends have had, and I certainly didn't want that kind of unnecessary stress for myself.

My preference would be for a considerate seating plan where people are allocated seats on tables with people they like. In my experience having lots of people sit down to eat at the same time is chaotic and you end up with reserving seats and swapping people and usually some disappointment.

I had round tables for my wedding and sat with friends, parents sat with their own families. I was happier being able to sit by big groups together and put couples who didn't know anyone with people they were likely to get on with.

When I go to weddings, I prefer to sit with people I know, rather than being left to keep someone's relatives/the best man's girlfriend company. I still don't understand why people do elaborate table plans to stop people who are close from talking to each other. Very few people enjoy small talk, and I don't go to weddings to meet new people.

Although we had far fewer guests, the best man and one of my friends acted as unofficial reception wranglers, and made sure everyone got a seat. There was a bit of wandering around between courses, which was nice. It's good to encourage that, in a gentle way.

We didn't want a real hierarchy of guests/tables for fear of offending people we wanted to enjoy our day. So we had a top table but it was circular and all the other tables were circular and in a circle around the top table. So no other table was 'special' we even named them rather than numbered them so no-one could say I'm down on table no.9 We did corral the kids !

We had circular tables, no top table, we sat somewhere in the middle of the room, we had a separate table for children (decorated with balloons, streamers etc) and a list telling people which table to go to, but when they got to the table, they could sit where they liked. Tables were named after mountains, not numbered tables. This worked really well. We knew that some people had travelled quite a distance and would be more comfortable sitting with people they knew. We were able to separate an ex-husband and ex-wife, to ensure that they were at opposite ends of the room. It still felt informal and relaxed

I agree with TheSmallClanger - most guests would prefer to sit with people they know. Although I'm generally quite friendly and outgoing, I don't really understand why people think they should mix up groups of people. I'm not interested in meeting the groom's schoolfriends / bride's former neighbours etc

This is true, but when people are given free rein to sit where they wish, they will always leave a seat or two in between 'their' group and the neighbouring one.

Makes getting the right amount of seats very difficult IME.

Also, there's a big difference between 50-75 guests seating themselves and 150.