to pay my neighbour for the hedge dp has broken?

[blapbird]

Renting in a small village, DP cut lots of the hedge which seperates ours and neighbours front garden, she is cross because it has now fallen towards her garden she thinks dp has taken some of the structure f the hedge out when he was cutting it back (so we could get out the front door!)

Tonight he has almost threatened to end our relationship because we both have a very different approach to sorting it out.

I think we should take responsibility because it isn't her fault that there's suddenly a hedge falling into her front garden, I've asked what needs doing and she says three angle irons need buying so she can straighten the hedge up, I agree to this and say I will get back to her.

DP goes ballistic saying that it is her hedge and she should have maintained it properly tehn this would never have happened and he is not willing to pay a penny.

He is more than I have ever seen him.

What do I say to her tomorrow, if I give her the money he will think Im taking her side if I ignore her like he wants me to, I will have to live next door to someone who hates us

This a genuine AIBU??

please help me I cant se the wood from the trees

She hangs dead balck birds upside down outside her hen pen (which she has killed herself) to scare other birds off!
So ther is a dark side she says she is a spiritual healer and wears a pentagram around her neck she smells of TCP and draws her eyebrows on (straight lines at 45 degree angles) So I think Im quite justified in being scared of being on the wrong side of her

She sounds like a right fruit loop...

I'd be pretty pissed off if I got up one day and my hedge was falling inot my garden because my new neighbours had cut the shite out of it.

You should have talked to her before you cut the hedge, but for the sake of 34 quid, I'd be paying it.

shes now at the door passing a message through DP to me I am hiding... bit cross that he hasn't told her I am no longer having anything to do with it

What's the message?

Is the OP still alive!! She sounds seriously weird at the very least

What are angle irons?

I have some bailer twine knocking around that you could te it up with... Would do just as good a job!

Oh for goodness sake pull yourself together. Since when was smelling of TCP something to be scared of? She sounds a bit odd, but what exactly do you expect a little old lady to do to you??

How certain are you about where the boundaries are? Because you need to be pretty careful that you haven't encroached over the boundary, it could be more costly than £34 if your DP has cut too far and damaged her property.

You both sound bloody awful to live next door to TBH, why on earth didn't your DP speak to her before hacking the hedge? Why are you hiding instead of behaving like a normal person?

You are entitled to cut back the hedge to the boundary. If the thing then falls down it's not your fault, or your husband's. If he's cut it back over the boundary rather than just to it, then he's gone too far.

Why on earth was she standing there talking to your partner and acting as though this is YOUR responsibility? He lives there too. he's the one who actually cut it down. Why is she passing messages to you? Why couldn't she just deal with him right there and then?

tbh, I think your partner is being a wimp. Acting the big I Am to you. We're Not Paying. Yet being unable to strap on a pair and actually say anything to her directly. In your shoes, I'd be saying you know what? If you don't want to pay her for this, you've got 24 hours to go over there and say so. If you choose not to do that - I'm paying her. It's up to you. Either go deal with her or don't, but don't refuse to handle it and then get the arse on when I handle it how I see fit.

She sounds eccentric, but that's no crime. I still feel your dh should be a nice guy and help out with the hedge. Can't he go over to her side and try and fix it?

I think you need to think carefully before giving in to her. She might make more demands if she feels you are a pushover

You must be able to see very clearly into her garden to see the dead blackbirds and be sure that she's killed them herself. It does sound a bit like village gossip?
But either way, her bad eyebrows and eccentric beliefs don't make her scary, surely - do you believe that she's actually a witch and will turn you into a cat or something?

Honestly, if your DH can't man up and sort it out then you should just do the grown-up thing and speak to her directly. Talking to her to sort out the hedge doesn't make you a pushover.

'She hangs dead balck birds upside down outside her hen pen ' That's not weird.Gamekeepers do it all the time!

As far as the hedge does, I think it has flopped over because she has not cut her side and when your Dh (quite reasonably) cut back your side it overbalanced.Don't give in to this bully.
I don't understand why you need angle irons? Tell her to bang a couple of stakes in and tie some bailerband beteween them to support the hedge.

I think I would do as Hecate says! Put the onus on your DP to deal with this. Give him 24 hours and if not - just give her the money.

She may be a PITA but if you pay her now (if DP does not man up and deal with her himself) she will shoot herself in the foot when trying to slag you both off to anyone - because yeah you messed up the hedge (regardless of whoevers fault it it) but then paid for it.

Then just keep relations distant but civil and make a mental note to avoid any possible confrontations in future - to reduce the possibility of her taking the piss on any future issues.

Good luck OP. I do feel for you. I hate confrontation even if I know I am in the right. You are stuck in the middle. I think Hecates suggestion is a good idea.

Right must report back as you have all been so kind in helping me.

Last night DP put the note that she had written to me straight in the bin without reading it, I was prepared to tell her I no longer want any involvement in it.
Have just got in from work and as usual, she was stood on her door step waiting for my return? as I get out of my car like a a giant coward trying to make a quick bee line for my door she shouts, "BLAPBIRD" I was just about to put this note in your letter box, have you seen the hedge? To which I reply 'no' she says "it's all fixed" I say 'great' and in that moment a friend walks past my gate so I engage in some chit chat with her and dissapear into my house. (the hedge is the best it's ever looked) I didnt go and get the note off her which she was waving around I just ran inside!

Now I am happy that I have learnt a lesson about personal and physical boundaries. Im going to steer clear of her from now on, I dont have the time for peoples little control dramas.

Thanks so much everyone for all your wisdom

So I wonder who fixed it? Aren't you curious? Glad she isn't hassling you as much. Very odd to be waiting for you like that. Is she lonely?

Am confused.

Who fixed it??

I would be digging the letter your DP put in the bin out now just to see.

I hope she was not waving an invoice for you.

Im not curious at all Id of thought it was the estate mangers who fixed it.
Yes she is lonely but is not a people person.
Ignorance is bliss, i dont give a fig what the note said.
A bloody note I'm her next door neighbour ffs!

oh god Queen, that's a point. What if the first letter was details of the company that's going to come out and the second one was the bill

You are being thoroughly weird about this whole thing, OP. What do you mean "A bloody note I'm her next door neighbour ffs!"?

You wanted to write her a letter and you hid in your bedroom when she knocked on your door. And then tried to avoid speaking to her when you saw her outside. All because she has a pentagram and smells of TCP allegedly.

And yet she is uneighbourly if she writes you a note? i suggest you have a bit of a thiknk about how to maintain neighbourly relations from both sides if you are going to be living there for a while.

you're a bit bonkers yourself OP, aren't you?

Just want to add
Angle iron, bad idea. Will wreck any hedge cutter blade it touches. You want 3inch timber rounds, driven in deep, tanalised so they won't rot.

Plus much cheaper