to pay my neighbour for the hedge dp has broken?

[blapbird]

Renting in a small village, DP cut lots of the hedge which seperates ours and neighbours front garden, she is cross because it has now fallen towards her garden she thinks dp has taken some of the structure f the hedge out when he was cutting it back (so we could get out the front door!)

Tonight he has almost threatened to end our relationship because we both have a very different approach to sorting it out.

I think we should take responsibility because it isn't her fault that there's suddenly a hedge falling into her front garden, I've asked what needs doing and she says three angle irons need buying so she can straighten the hedge up, I agree to this and say I will get back to her.

DP goes ballistic saying that it is her hedge and she should have maintained it properly tehn this would never have happened and he is not willing to pay a penny.

He is more than I have ever seen him.

What do I say to her tomorrow, if I give her the money he will think Im taking her side if I ignore her like he wants me to, I will have to live next door to someone who hates us

This a genuine AIBU??

please help me I cant se the wood from the trees

Why doesn't she just cut back her side of the hedge? The weight on either side would be even and it wouldn't need any support.... Or is it past this stage now?

blapbird - imo your last suggestion of it causing arguments with DP is the best thing to say i think. let her talk to him direct. i agree though that you shouldn't pay for it all.

way past that stage, I could post a pic, I may do (it's embarrassing!) but not in this weather it will spoil my new cashmere cardy which I bought today instaed of blinking angle irons wtaf Thanks for talking sense into me everyone very much appreciated (still practising being an adult!)

OMG she has just banged on the door, really hard with her fist (I hid in the top bedroom) she is quite scary. She did this 3 times and waited in the rain for ages [scary]

I wont answer DP can talk to her from now on though Im sure he will just tell her to F off. I hate this

WTF she banging like that on your door?

Sorry you're not psychic. It was more a rhetorical WTF...

If he's damaged the roots and possibly killed parts of her hedge then i'd say he is responsible.
And if you are renting,then why haven't you told the LL that there is a problem?

Have you spoken to her yet?

no I haven't, I want him to deal with it but he just wants to leave it

Gosh, I'm sorry to hear that OP, that must have been really scary. Who does she think she is, making a grown woman cower in fear in a bedroom!

Its a difficult one, paying her would smooth over this issue, but I have a feeling that this would pave the way for her taking the p*ss at every opportunity she can. We followed this 'appeasement' strategy with our neighbours btw, and it has been one thing after another and we still don't have a good relationship, mainly because I am seething about it.

In light of her intimidating behaviour, I would suggest that your DH tell her that you are legally in the right and suggest that she contact either her solicitor or the CAB if she isn't happy with that. (They will certainly tell her that she is wrong).

Whatever you do in this particular situation, I can't ever see you being friends with this woman, so you won't have lost anything by standing your ground.

A few doors down from us dug a huge hole/trench for foundations on his own land but through half his next-door's (very tall) tree roots, a few weeks later the tree fell and damaged three garden's fences. It all got a bit messy but in the end if was found that the tree owning house was liable for the damage.

I think I have a point there somewhere but it may be a little lost.

No echo he isn't, the hedge came over OP's boundary, and her DH was entitled to cut it back.

It is the neighbour's responsibility to manage her own hedge, inc roots.

yes thats true cake I have seen the light! The landlord has told her that if we have any disputes then we're both out so I dont think he has much sympathy for her plus she has been here for years complaining about loads of little things so they have her card marked.

A communication breakdown in this instance isnt such a bad thing.

Really? if you have a dispute with her then you will be served notice? That's a bit worrying.

She is just a drama queen I dont beleive a word of it she is using tactics to make us scared to contact the land lords, I can see through her now.

Oh blimey, I'd just pay for it if it's under £100, and I'd make a very gracious apology as well. It's worth it for good neighbourly relations. It's not really about who's right or not, it's just about whether or not you want to have a bad atmosphere hanging over you.
You can look at it in the sense of "who's responsibility is it to maintain the hedge?" or you can look at it as "What's it worth it to me to have a friendly neighbour?" Having had a neighbour who would park up against our gate, play a massive sound system with windows open every sunny day, leave her three dogs cooped up all day then accidentally let them out etc etc, I would definitely pay the cash.

Dh had every right to cut back the hedge to the boundary (actually I'm assuming he'd have the same rights as a home owner - but since it was on the landlord's property, not his, I could be wrong about that)!! The neighbour had no obligation to maintain that side of the hedge. So I can't see a problem with what's been done, other than it had the unfortunate consequence of causing the hedge to fall over - well that's the neighbour's problem to sort out - she could trim her side or cut it shorter (or buy some rods)!

I would have offered to pay too, just to keep the peace. But if it would really upset dh then I'd support him over the neighbour, since he hasn't actually done anything wrong and his feelings would be more important to me than hers.

Ordinarily, I'd be inclined to agree girl but this doesn't sound like a woman who will ever be a good neighbour and might be better managed like the tantrumming toddler that she seems to be - with firm and well enforced boundaries*

*Metaphorical ones, not hedges, obviously

So when will your DH be home? Have you told her that you are stepping out of it and that she has to speak to him?

Could you contact the LL and let them know what has happened and that she is harassing you now.

I think your H had every right to cut back the hedge if it was encroaching on your property. That said, if it is HER hedge, maybe he should have been a good neighbour and mentioned it to her, given her a chance to cut it back and ifnot done within a certain period of time then he could have chopped it down trimmed it.

he will be home 8.15ish I wish he would talk to her because it makes me feel really scared that she zones in on me each time

Am I the only person worried about nesting birds? It is totally the wrong time of the year to cut back a hedge. I'm not touching our triffid-like boundaries until all the fledglings have gone.(totally missing the point emoticon)

It's really unfair of him to say no, we're not paying and then not deal with her.

elinorbellowed, absolutely, we've birds nesting in our hedges at the minute.
If you're DH butchered hedge and she's v garden-proud, given that it's wee village would've been better to just talk to her first. Of course she was wanting to speak to you about it after receiving your note, and yes, she probably was cross, esp when you didn't answer even though you were in.
I can see why the note seemed like a good idea, but better now to be brave, go round, explain that it was DH who cut the hedge and he now feels aggreived about being accused of damaging it and let her know that she's welcome to come round when he's back from work and discuss it over a cup of tea.
She's an old lady on her own (frm your description in your OP) so I don't think you need to be scared of her!

Please don't shoot me if I have missed the point completely, but surely if you are both tenants then the hedge is actually the Ll's and scary old bat doesn't have a leg to stand on?