to pay my neighbour for the hedge dp has broken?

[blapbird]

Renting in a small village, DP cut lots of the hedge which seperates ours and neighbours front garden, she is cross because it has now fallen towards her garden she thinks dp has taken some of the structure f the hedge out when he was cutting it back (so we could get out the front door!)

Tonight he has almost threatened to end our relationship because we both have a very different approach to sorting it out.

I think we should take responsibility because it isn't her fault that there's suddenly a hedge falling into her front garden, I've asked what needs doing and she says three angle irons need buying so she can straighten the hedge up, I agree to this and say I will get back to her.

DP goes ballistic saying that it is her hedge and she should have maintained it properly tehn this would never have happened and he is not willing to pay a penny.

He is more than I have ever seen him.

What do I say to her tomorrow, if I give her the money he will think Im taking her side if I ignore her like he wants me to, I will have to live next door to someone who hates us

This a genuine AIBU??

please help me I cant se the wood from the trees

Sounds like your DP massacred the shrubs.

If your dp has damaged her property then you ought to pay to fix it!
No matter that she should have trimmed it herself earlier, it's hers and your dp damage it!

Legally, you are entitled to cut the hedge back to the boundary.

It is her responsibility to ensure that the hedge has enough support not to fall into her garden when it is cut back.

Have a look here

Scroll down to 'trees'

You do have to live next door to her, however, so probably best to try to resolve it amicably if at all possible. Personally, I would offer to pay half as a goodwill gesture, but is up to you and you would be within your rights not to.

Good grief, would you rather piss off your partner or your neighbour?? I would side with your partner.

But persuade him to go round and chat with her stressing she is old.

My instinct is to just pay it to get it over with but SP says it will turn into the never ending story and he doesn't want to be bullied into it.

I think I'm going to ring the people who run the estate (we live in these kind of ancient workers cottages on an old estate) and see what they say I just cant bear falling out with our neighbour for eternity over something which could be fixed with £30.

But if I do pay DP will think I'm taking sides with her and I'm not I'm just trying to keep harmony in the village.

Thanks for your advice though, it is useful to hear another perspective.

being disloyal to my DP ? So if Im in a relationship I have to agree with everything my partner says whether I beleive it to be right or wrong? Really?

No blapbird, you don't have to do everything your dp says out of loyalty - you do what you think is right.

I would give her £20 & say this is towards the supports.

I'd do exactly the same as Janeangruffalo - buy the damn things for the sake of neighbourly harmony, and keep quiet about it to DH. Different if it was going to cost thousands to put right, but for the sake of £30.

The hedge is leaning. The hedge is leaning because of his actions. It isn't unreasonable of her to want this put right. You can do what she wants - straighten the hedge up - however you choose. Maybe instead of handing over money if this is his objection, your partner actually sorts the hedge out from her side.

cutting a hedge right back shouldn't make it fall over. Hedges are cut back all the time - my late grandad had a monster of a hedge that sometimes needed attacking it never made it fall over. My guess would be he made a hash of doing it. If that's they case then yes, you guys should pay for it.

The other possibility I suppose is that you've trimmed your side right back but her side is still ten feet thick in which case, all the weight is on her side, so all she'd need to do would be to trim her side and even it up a bit. You could offer to do this for her.

That said, you have to be able to get in and out of your property. You cannot be expected to squeeze through such an obstruction. So, whatever you choose to do, don't apologise for having to do it. She has to understand that it is unreasonable of her to expect you to tolerate a massive hedge blocking your front door.

No but you need to tread carefully, think his you would feel if it were you 'siding against' him over a matter you felt strongly about?

It's your call but you Asked for opinions and that's mine.

I did add that you should persuade him to go round in spirit of friendly relations but from all the facts here your dp had a right to cut the hedge.

so what do I say to her, actually I am not paying anything because my DP doesnt agree?

I woud chat to her when your DP is out, explain that he is refusing to agree to pay and that the best you can do is to offer her half without him knowing.

add that you are paying "in the interests of neighbourly relations"

oooh, be careful of that! If she's the spiteful type then having a secret could seriously bite the OP in the arse. Imagine the fall out if he discovers she went behind his back and swore the neighbour to secrecy!

In which case, the OP can't pay anything towards to hedge.

Tell the neighbour "I'm sorry, DP is refusing to pay, Im afraid you will have to discuss it with him."

Whoever advocated you pay her behind Dhs back is mad.

I suspect he would find out and be livid.

Tbh it's his matter to sort and not yours and tell her so.

Oh yes, I think that's the best approach. The partner is the one who is objecting - the OP should remove herself from the argument and make him deal with the neighbour!

"X refuses, you are going to have to deal with him on this issue. He will be home by X oclock, I suggest you come round then and talk to him."

And don't let him think that he can object but have you deal with it! He needs to be the one to talk to her.

Yes I've made up my mind I am going to say this, "this is causing arguments between myself and DP, could you speak with him about it please because I am getting caught in the middle, thank you"

Good solution OP

Thanks I'll report back if anyone's interested! (even if just to keep a record of events)

Your husband is being unreasonable. He did a poor job on the hedge, so he needs to rectify it. He may not like it, but that's life. We all make mistakes, it is no crime

Any chance of a photo to show the hedge on both sides?

Good decision yes report back.

I don't think your DP is being U to think he should be able to cut back the hedge on your side of the boundary if it was difficult to get past it to your front door. There's nothing worse than having to push past a wet hedge when it's been raining.

If the hedge is now leaning into her garden because all the weight is on her side, well that would indicate that it needed trimming on her side anyway - so that's her responsibility. Also, if there's that much weight, angle irons will probably cause damage to the hedge - making it a proper eyesore.

The only real solution is for her to give her hedge a trim - sounds like it needs it!

I'm with your dp on this one.

Your DH knows he's messed up the hedge and feels embarrassed - that's why he's so sore about it.