To consider strike action?

[IsabelArcher]

Seriously considering telling my family - H, DS11, DDs 18/16 - that I will no longer act as their skivvy.

I am sick of having to pick up after them. They all leave everything where they finished with it, whether it's bags and shoes, fruit debris, opened and unopened post, empty packets/milk cartons, pens, scissors. So not only is the house a constant tip, we can never find anything!

I have tried reasoning, stick and carrot, pleading and they all will buck up for a couple of days but soon slide back. If I actually catch them in the process of walking away from an abandonned item, they will look sheepish and clear it without too much fuss. but it just doesn't seem to ever occur to any of them without prompting.

I work 5-6 days a week, half from home, other half a four-hour round trip away, when I leave house at dinner time and not home til around midnight.

H works normal FT hours so is actually in the house for less time but works a couple of hours fewer. So my non-work times are more traditional house-work times IYSWIM.

It's not that he doesn't do anything, does a couple of loads of washing at w/e, hoovers when really grotty. And the kids will generally muck in when requested. But it's the never-ending drip of stuff just left lying around that's 'doin my head in'

So Aibu to say I will do nothing for any of them - cooking, ironing etc - until they learn to pick up after themselves.

If you do you need to prepare yourself for the fact the they just don't care! They will not do the things that you are refusing to do.
YANBU, but it probably won't work! Good luck!

Sorry just realised how long that was!
That's a very dispiriting thought TJ!

Does that mean I either have to accept and ignore too or continue to follow them round with a spade if I want a semblance of tidiness?

Strike action wont help, because you will not be able to stand the state that things get into and everyone else wont notice, and then you will end up tidying it all up anyway.

Don't just tidy their things away to where they should be, hide them and refuse to tell your family where they are

All your kids are old enough to do plenty around the house, including using the washing machine, hoover and walking around with a bin bag picking up the rubbish, cooking and ironing.

If I were you I would sod off for a few days, leave them to it, and tell them if it doesnt change you might just stay away longer.

Cleaning rota?

Cleaning rota?

Tried rotas Merci, but it's not really cleaning that's the issue I dont mind doing that really once I can see the floor and the surfaces!

I do sometimes which I could disappear for a few days but sure where I could go. Cant afford fare to family and noone nearby I could just land on.

What rankles most is that's it mostly my fault for not training them better when they were younger - A warning for those with younger children! It's also not helped by having a H who has always been the worst offender

Call a family meeting. Discuss how you are feeling and get everyone to talk about how to make the situation better for all.

Good luck!

Michelle

You might want to start by reminding your DDs that they're old enough to move out

YANBU but even I don't think you'll stick to it and I don't know you. I'm sure your family will just wait it out until things go back to 'norma'l. If you're going to do it, do it properly!

I'd love to be a fly on the wall if you did.

Even over the ether you can see the mug/martyr stamp on my forehead, fairynuff!

Ok. Will go for family meeting after dinner tonight. We all tend to congregate on Sunday's. I will put on my 'I really mean it this time' hat on.

Trouble is though as others have said it's only me that really cares apparently. So am I in the realms of 'you can't change others only yourself'? Hmmm

Any financial sanctions you can take? Withhold pocket money? If not, what about a rewards system - give each a rota and list of tasks, doing it gets use of TV, or X-box, or hair straighteners etc. Not helping doesn't.

Not sure where this helps with H, though.

Perhaps instigate a box, into which you tidy his mess things willy-nilly. Maybe he'll get so frustrated at having to sort them out to find stuff, he'll put things where they should be. And you won't have to look at the mess, as it's all in one place in a box. Actually, this could work for all of them

Bin liner works well . . .

you need to look at how you raised such lazy children
Change your behaviours too
they are adults, not children they should know better

I have got boxes for all them, but only I use them! And when they root through they just leave the stuff spilling out of them. It still leaves me having to gather up the stuff to place in the boxes

Tried pocket money, but daddy can't say no when I'm not around!

God I sound such a wuss. Time to toughen up, methinks

I know Scottishmummy :( but then I fall into the trap of thinking it's not their fault it's mine. My youngest is the least likely to leave stuff so maybe my parenting got better with practice. I do find it much easier to stick to sanctions with him

Mine are younger (14, 12, 7 and 4) but also got to the same point of frustration with them dumping stuff wherever they feel like it. I bought a huge pink plastic trug thing from poundstretcher for less than £5 and it lives in the hall. It is referred to as the pink box of doom. If I find something lying about where it shouldn't be I put it in the box of doom. I have said that at some point I empty it and will fine everyone £1 per item (socks are £1 each as there are LOADS). I find it seems to empty itself fairly often as none of the want to be fined!

I find I'm much less stressed about mess - rather than yelling for them to come and pick it up, or me moving it to where it really should be, I just dump it in the box of doom. Much quicker for me :)

must proof read! hope that makes sense....

I also got to the same point of frustration
at some point I will empty it
none of them want to be fined

Your dh is equally responsible for their upbringing and tbh whilst he is not doing his equal share you don't stand much chance of changing the dc. I assume you've all lived like this at least since your dd was born so 18 years. A long time to develop bad habits for all of you.

xposted with loads as I'm so slow!

Isabel - boxes for each of them only works if they start picking up. One huge box that you just dump their clutter into is much better. Easier for you - one place to throw it all, much more inconvenient for them as they have to rifle through other people's junk to find their things. Teen girls don't like hunting for their mobile through smelly socks and little brother's stick and stone collections....

Becky I like that idea - Will invest in a box of doom!

Rainbow, yes it's a very long time. I think the rot set in when I was a semi-sahm. I say semi because I used to work evenings from home, but because I wasnt being paid during daylight hours all housework fell to me. Looking back I was exhausted for much of the time and didn't have the energy to argue with H after a day with a toddler and baby followed by six hours work three nights a week. Teas always much easier just to do it myself

Maybe it was earlier than that Isabel, did your own mum pick up after everyone? Do you see that as a mother's role?

Not sure about that Fairenuff. To be honest I don't have many memories of being a kid further back than about 11. I do know I did a lot more housework as a teen hoovering, dusting, making tea as a teen when my mum started working again.

If anything I suspect - and this is the first time I have thought this - I wanted to be more of a ''mum' to mine than she was to me. But that's a whole area I'm not sure I can face