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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be horrifically angry and upset at my 'friends'..

88 replies

beccabubbless · 09/06/2012 18:03

I'm 11 weeks pregnant and very hormonal
I've told two of my close friends, and my immediate family (+work) and my DP has told family (inc his bitch of a sister (who's judging me even though she had an unplanned child at 15 and I'm having a nearly planned one at 20)) work, and a few close friends.
I wanted to keep it quiet until my 12 week scan and maybe a bit longer, as I wanted my mum to fully understand before the world knew (she has short term memory loss, so it takes a while for things to sink in.. E.g. You'll now remember that I'm pregnant, whereas I have to tell her everytime I see her)
Somehow my extended friendship group, family, and randomers all seem to know and I'm rather angry.
I KNOW it was dp's sis as she's already admitted to telling a 'few' friends, even though we asked her not to..
Eurgh, I know I'm probs being unreasonable, but I'm really upset about it and dp doesn't understand :(

OP posts:
thebody · 09/06/2012 18:55

Good for you for obviously taking over family responsibilities, and no disrespect but you are only young now. Well done.

Don't get too stressed over this, it's done and news is out so just concentrate on your pregnancy and relax.

Also my advice is to not pik battles with sil, she's obviously had it tough too with a baby at 15 and is probably a tad jealous.

Original poster
beccabubbless · 09/06/2012 18:55

hermajesty I cover my mums care and pay for the rest, me and dp both have some decent savings, our rent is very cheap, I won't be going back to work after maternity so saves on childcare. I know its going to be very very hard / tight, but we can do it :)

OP posts:
thebody · 09/06/2012 19:01

Of course you can, we were skint for all of the time my older ones were little and u just manage.

sensuallettuce · 09/06/2012 19:04

I had a child at a similar be to the OP and we managed fine Hmm.

We were both prepared to work had and went without luxuries - for a very long time!!

DamnBamboo · 09/06/2012 19:08

Horrifically angry?

Can I just ask, if this was so important to you, why did you tell anyone?

DamnBamboo · 09/06/2012 19:09

Congrats by the way Smile

lilybeansmummy · 09/06/2012 19:19

omg what is wrong with u people!! yes op is being rather unreasonable but to be calling her names and telling her to grow up is a bit much! she is 11 wks pregnant so prob hormonal and the slating she is getting on here i cant imagine will help! i imagine you are all grown women so u grow the fuck up!!

IWishIWasSheRa · 09/06/2012 19:32

I might be your sister in law's twin! My brothers girlfriend is pregnant and they told us as soon as they found out and was not allowed to tell anyone. I was absolutely unreasonable but rang my best friend, my mil and some of the school mums that I was going to be an auntie for the first time! I am so excited and she's due in November. Sometimes people are unreasonable but it's usually because they are excited rather than malicious. Congratulations, hope dp is spoiling you.

sensuallettuce · 09/06/2012 19:43

Similar age Blush.

OP not going to be encouraged to go to mother and toddler groups if she thinks everyone there is as nasty as here :(

YABU just move on and enjoy being pregnant (and try to be friends with your dps bitch of a sister - she might turn out to be your biggest allie!!).

MsPaperbackWriter · 09/06/2012 20:09

Iwishiwasshera - you are well out of order telling others when you were asked not to, bloody hell, you sound like you think you are the mother Hmm

Op - it is not unreasonable of you to expect your friends to keep quiet if you asked them too, but as proved here in examples given, a lot of people can't or don't want to respect that kind of request.

minesapintofwine · 09/06/2012 20:14

yep yabu and using hormones as an excuse imo. Just enjoy the rest of your pregnancy (and I mean that in a nice way)

MammaTJ · 09/06/2012 20:20

Ok, so worse case scenario, someone tells your mum again you alreadyhave and she forgets again--. Not so terrible really! I understand why you are upset, I really do, but don't be, life is to short!! Hugs!

Northernlurker · 09/06/2012 20:27

OP - it may not be a great idea to mention you were in witness protection at the same time as giving highly identifiable information? Just a thought? Hmm

thisisyesterday · 09/06/2012 20:30

yanbu

am surprised at some of the reactions on here.

if you tell people it's a secret then it should stay a secret. it isn't fair to go spreading someone's news like that.

in fact, i remember a thread on here where someone admitted to letting slip that a baby had been born (on facebook) when the parents hadn't officially done the announcement, and everyone was in agreement that it wasn't on and that she should apologise

i don't think it's unreasonable at all to think you can tell people and ask them to keep it quiet.

diddl · 09/06/2012 20:33

Isn´t the issue more though not that people know, but that they shouldn´t discuss it with OPs mum?

AgentZigzag · 09/06/2012 20:34

Bloody hell I missed that bit Northern Shock

Yes, not a thing you should be bandying about the internet OP.

IWishIWasSheRa · 09/06/2012 20:36

Paperback- no I'm not the mother funnily enough, I am going to be an auntie- its wondeful news for every member of our family- are you an mner that won't let anyone hold their baby?

I've admitted I was unreasonable but it wasn't like I called all of my family- they delivered their news to the people they would have and I told a few of the people they wouldn't have seen anyway.

Still, 'tis the Internet and that is your bizarre view

thisisyesterday · 09/06/2012 20:37

nothernlurker... she said she had BEEN in witness protection, not that she is right now.

what do you think she has posted that's identifiable?

AgentZigzag · 09/06/2012 20:41

What I know about witness protection is just from films/telly if I'm being honest thisis, is it not an identity change for life then?

Or are there just different types for different cases?

I'm sure if you were a determined enough individual you could track most things across the internet, and some people are obsessive about these things.

thisisyesterday · 09/06/2012 20:43

no, i think it can involve just being moved, or protected for a while during a court case and things like that (i believe, but could be wrong)

even so, not sure the OP has posted much that readily identifies her

AgentZigzag · 09/06/2012 20:49

Thanks for answering thisis, maybe the RL cases I've read/watched about have just been high profile ones that had to involve a life long identity change?

I suppose they'd have to tailor it to the person or nobody would even contemplate testifying if they had to give up their whole life to do it.

MsOliveOyl · 09/06/2012 21:37

beccabubless congrats on your pregnancy and you're right, it was your news to share, but ime people just can't help themselves when it comes to sharing news about preganaceies - it's gossip thats just too juicy to keep secret!

It could hav been worse though - I know someone whose brother announced it on Facebook to his 900 friends (inc family members who didn't know yet) when she was only 7 weeks!!!

iknowwho · 09/06/2012 21:42

Blimey op. There's hardly anyone left to tell. Calm down. The title of your post makes you sound bonkers!

Original poster
beccabubbless · 09/06/2012 22:17

Hey guys..
Was only in WP for a year, whilst I was a key witness is a court case! All has been restored and I'm me again living in my own home!!

I know I'm un reasonable, pretty sure we established this after I calmed down and re-read my redic post!

Although I understand the confusion over WP, sometimes it is for life!

OP posts:
Northernlurker · 09/06/2012 22:37

In terms of identifying info - the OP is (possibly) called Rebecca, aged 20, with a partner who has a sister who had a child at 15. The OP has a younger brother and a disabled mother with a long term and slightly unusual aspect to her disability. She is 11 weeks pregnant and has a full tome job as does her partner. She has been involved in a court case involving family members. If you knew her that would be more than enough to know that you knew her iyswim. In that context the reference to witness protection concerned me - but clearly the OP is happy that isn't a problem.